Frenemy

Frenemy {define}

1. A friend who is also an enemy.2. Someone who will be in your company and share the same set of friends yet plot for your downfall. 3. A complex and tiring games of mind fuck beneath smiles and 'friendliness'.

By the laws of nature, every girl will have a frenemy. Notice how I say law? Because it is. Long, loooong ago, in ancient times when the world was created and the galaxy as we know it came together, there was a rule that says every girl will have a frenemy. Any girl that says she doesn't have one is a lying bitch. And I implore you to track her down and kick her ass.

I have a frenemy. It comes with the territory. I was educated from the age of 7 to 17 in an all-girls institution. This institution of mine, though I remember it fondly now, thrives on bitchiness... and mind games were the all-time favourite sport. Girls were thought to be civilized, respectful and to avoid conflict at all times. We were thought to never doubt ourselves and to have no fear in voicing our opinions but ironically, when it comes to confrontations, it is strongly advisable that we do not engage in any. Females are after all a genteel breed and hence begins the mind fucking games we play in the hallways and inside the classrooms because of some misunderstanding or another.

There was a... creature back then, we called her 'D', now she...she mastered the game. She fucking pwned the game. D wanted to be popular. Fortunately for the rest of us, she has 2 strikes against her:

1) she wasn't pretty
2) she wasn't skinny

D really, really wanted to be popular; it was her sole purpose in life. She decided that she will attached herself to people that can bring her up; people higher than her in the social ladder. D, though not attractive, is charming. She can weave sweet lies out of nothing, candy coated everything to get people onto her side. Bitch is as cunning as she is manipulative and bitch was damn good at it too. Once she's done with you, she will cast you aside just like that. But that is after she spread malicious rumours about you, see D was so good at pretending like she cares so that people trust her and tell her things. Once she decided that you no longer have any use to her, she will destroy you and move on to the next person.

I know this because I was one of those she cast aside.

I went against the code of conduct and confronted her about it. She didn't blinked, she didn't lie. She told it to my face what she did, why she did it and told me that I am no longer of use to her. Then she gave me a pitying smile and walked away. I can still remember that smile now even though it happened long ago. I hated D, I hate her still but I am not ashamed to admit that I respect her as well. Cunning, manipulative, a fucking bitch but she does know what she wants and she goes for it. And bitch certainly have some balls.

High school is long gone now yet D and I are in contact with each other. Why? Ever heard of the saying, 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer'?. Yeah, that's why. We are aware that we do not like each other, we are aware that we do not enjoy each other's company and we are aware that neither will spit on the other if one of us caught fire ...but yet we keep in contact still.

D moved to Europe after school so our communication is strictly through the net. D constantly checks my Friendster profile though I never updates it. Recently she joined Facebook and she added every friend that we have in common, yet she didn't add me. Its back to that petty-high-school-bullshit again. I am curious of what she has been up too but I will not add her. Its like a fucked up mind game, whoever that does the friend request is- in an unspoken but acknowledged term- inferior to the other one. Snicker and laugh all you want, I admit, VERY petty shit but yes, I won't cave. I am fucking petty. And I wanna see how long bitch can hold out coz as far as I'm concerned she practically lives on my Friendster profile anyways.

Recently during Eid, she sent me a text message. "Eid Mubarak. How are you? Long time no chat. Miss the good old days, bla bla bla." Interesting, bitch bothered to spent money and sent an international text message to me when she could easily ask me the same thing on a network we both are on for free...if she added me. Don't you think?

Frenemies....I don't know why I bother.

Fucked.

The other day I called my teacher a bastard.

I said his name, followed by "is a bastard".

He heard me.

He knows it's me.

...............................................

You have no idea how FUCKED I am right now.

I loathe hospitals. They are always so sad and so...lonely. They radiate a vibe of hopelessness. People go to hospitals to get better because in some ways they are ill. Hopeful that they will get better. Its ironic then that I always feel hopeless whenever I ended up in a hospital- just visiting or admitted.

My uncle was involved in a hit and run today. A motorcyclist hit him as he was crossing the street to buy savouries from the night market. There were witnesses. They say that the motorcyclist was thrown off his bike but quickly get up and sped off as my uncle laid on the street, bleeding. No one could identify the motorcyclist. It happened too quickly. Plus, anyone who had ever watched and episode of CSI knows that witnesses are unreliable.

I was talking shit in school when my father called me telling me to come home so that we can go to the hospital. "It doesn't look good" he said. When I got to the hospital, some of my relatives were already there. Quite. Speaking in whispers. Holding up the walls. Its...wrong. Eid is on this coming Saturday. We fasted a month, we were supposed to celebrate. Not holding up in anxiety of what is looming.

I watched as his wife, my aunt, sat quietly. A far away look in her eyes. I watched as the youngest daughter sat by her mother, holding her hand with tears running down her face. I watched as the adult son thanking people for coming on such a short notice, trying to put on a brave face but failing. I watched as every one's face tells what they know is coming but no one is saying out loud.

I know that my face mirror theirs.

My uncle is 61 years old. He is in a coma now. Saturday is Eid. A day for family and festivities. Accidents are never good but it is especially bad when it happen round this time of year.

I do not know my uncle. I do not know his family. We are not close. Even so, blood bonds us all together and when tragedy strikes, blood comes together. I look at my father and I think what if the situation reverse itself? What if it is my father who was there? Who is in a coma, of whom the doctor described as "a 20/30% chance for survival?" How will I cope? Will I take quietly the way my aunt and her daughter are taking it? Or will I be dignified the way the son is?...Or will I lose it all together?

Questions of which I never want to know the answers.

My mom says that things like these are not good but they are nonetheless, the reality of life. Everything must come to and end. Facing it helps builds strength and character, she says.

It builds strength.

It builds character.

But it does not make it any easier.

Updates 1:

My uncle has woken up from the coma.

There is hope yet.

Updates 2:

He will need to be hospitalized for a while but there aren't internal bleeding like what the doctors suspected at first so its all good now. Thank god.

Fries at 2 in the morning.

Last night, around 1 ish in the morning, almost 2 o'clock in the morning actually, I had a craving for McD's fries. It has been years since I ate anything McD. Its not like I'm against them, I just had so much of McD as a child that when I'm grown I just don't want to eat anything related to McD anymore.

The clock on the wall says its about 11 minutes to 2 in the morning and its not safe to leave the house at such time. I say this coz I'm paranoid and convinced that one day I will be attacked by someone so like Professor Mad-Eye Moody says in HP- CONSTANT VIGILANCE! Plus, I also don't stay out late often. More of homebody really...but anyways it almost 2 o'clock in the morning and I really want those McD fries. Those heavenly McD fries....

So I put on more appropriate clothing, ran to my garage and get my car started. There is a 24 hours drive thru McD in my area. Its like 15 minutes away from home. At this time of day, I got there in 5 minutes time. I fucking love the traffic - there is NONE!

But seeing that this is me, obviously I have to run away with my imagination. I smiled as I make believe that the yellow street light reflected on the hood of my car as I drive by was an alien space ship making rounds above my neighbourhood, to see that the humans are under controlled. No need for a world invasion- yet. The little glare from the side mirror was someone following me from behind, believing I was someone else. And the coldness I feel on my neck, that comes from the AC, is actually air being blown on my neck by an unknown and unwanted passenger from a different realm sitting behind me....in all honesty that creeps me out.

When I arrived at the McD drive through there wasn't much activity goin on. There was couple sitting inside, sharing fries and one of the employees was moping the floor. I ordered my fries and nuggets and when I drove on the other window to pick up the food, the girl that was working that window looks awfully exhausted but she stared at me like I'm crazy. I figured that maybe she doesn't see much action at this time of the day...which is strange. The world is full of crazy people and well I supposed I'm not the craziest. Surely they have had customers at this time of day before?

I got stuck at a traffic light on my way home and since I'm a greedy pig, I just stopped so that I could eat the fries in my car and another car stopped next to me. I made no eye contact, coz well its already 2 in the morning, making no eye contact is the rule. But the driver was staring at me and I could feel his gaze on me and when I look at him, he was still staring. He looks harmless enough so I ignored him.

When I arrived home, my sister was waiting for me. She wanted fries too. The first thing she said when she let me into the house was

"Where's my fries?"

the second thing was

"So hungry you couldn't have wash your face mask off?"

Oh...so that's why they were staring. Oh well.

Side note:

I'm back.

Adult

One month to go before I officially enter "adulthood".

Adult.

Officially an adult.

First thing I'm gonna do when I am officially an adult is to register for voting so that I can cast my vote for the coming elections. Now I will get to have my say in this country's political charade. Its better than nothing.

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I just read what I've written on top....

Shit, I AM OLD now.

When the hell did that happened?!!