At least I'm not dead......

"One February evening in North Chicago, seven well-dressed men were found riddled with bullets inside the S.M.C Cartage Co. garage. They had been lined up against a wall, with their backs to their executioners and shot to death. With the exception of Dr. Reinhardt H. Schwimmer these men were mobsters working under the leadership of gangster and bootlegger, "Bugs" Moran. Within a few seconds, while staring at a bare brick wall, these seven men had become a part of Valentine's Day history: the St. Valentine's Day Massacre."

(Taken from MysteryNet.com)

Nothing like a little crime history to put things into perspective................

Happy Valentine's Day everybody.

In the name of my ASS

Seeing that the Constantly Dramatic One is a self-proclaimed movie elitist, I made it a point to watch indie, foreign and artistic films as much as I can. To say that I don't watch commercial movie is of course not true. I watch them but when I do I'll pay attention to the film makers instead of the actors. I watch movies for the artistic direction, the cinematography, the camera execution, the flawless editing and most of all I prefer dramatic movies that requires thinking as opposed to stupid dumb ass action movies that glorify mindless explosions and women in skanky clothing in every possible scene.



And in case you're wondering, I had never watch any of the James Bond or Pirates of the Caribbean movies because I loathe Jerry Bruckheimer. Asshole does not have what it takes to become a film maker. All his movies are stunt scenes after another. Big explosion, fights, tits, rinse and repeat. His script is laughable but last night...last night I've seen a movie worst than any Bruckheimer could possibly dreamt up.



I have seen In the Name of the King.


Holy mother of all that is pure and true: this is the Mother Load. The mother load of all stupidity and cheesy special effects and ridiculously piece of shit script crammed into a two hours fiasco. This movie was sooo bad, so damn bad, I wanted to blind myself in the cinema by shoving popcorn into my eyes. It was so bad that fifteen minutes into the movie I wanted to bang my head on the seat in front of me. It was soooo bad, words and dramatics failed me. As I sat there watching this movie plays out its dumb ass plot, I could feel my braincells dying and it occurred to me that I will never graduate from college because this movie has single handedly killed all my braincells in the span of two hours.


I'm not even gonna elaborate on the so-called plot because it is in my opinion the plot was non-existent in this movie. There was no such thing as a plot in this movie. The script was sooo damn cheesy, I could vomit blood and die on the spot. The director, some bugger named Uwe Boll should be tied to a tree and stoned to death. Anyone who insulted my IQ incessantly for two hours straight deserve to be tied to a tree and then stoned to death. Seriously. You had no direction, you had no skill and bitch, more doesn't always means better. Bruckheimer seems like a directing God when compared to you.


Surprisingly this piece of shit movie actually have a very decent, nay credible group of cast. You have Jason Statham that had done some swell work through his British gangsters movie and more prominently the Transporter franchise. There's John Rhys-Davies who is renowned for his stage work and most widely known to the new generation of movie goers as Gimli son of Gloin from LOTR. There's Matthew Lillard, always given the quirky, annoying little roles that he would make it his an even though the man would probably win no Oscars in his lifetime but each performance is worth remembering and most of all, the reason why I actually gave this movie a passing chance is because of a certain Mr. Ray Liotta .


Why Ray? Why? Why do you do this to me? I have so much respect for you as an actor ever since I watched Goodfellas. You were so incredible in it that every time I watch that movie, I watch it in bated anticipation. I know the plot and the script by heart but each time I press play on the DVD player, I become giddy with anticipation. I have watched the Goodfellas 11 times now and each time you captivates me with your performance. You play the mob lord like no one else could. Sure there's Pacino and De Niro before you and yes they were incredible as well but you Ray, you were the new wave of the 90es mob lords along side Garcia. You made one of the greatest mob movie in the history of film what it is. So much respect for you Ray, so much. And then you went and got yourself a part in this abomination.

Disappointment Ray. It hurts.

Seriously people, if you value your braincells then I beg you please don't watch this movie. About 10 people walked out of the cinema the night I went to watch it. People threw popcorn to the screen after it ended. And I wasn't even being dramatic. Its just sooo bad, sooo very bad that it pains me to my soul. But all in all, at least this stinker have some damn laughable lines. Not as good as "the Government would never lie to us ", it does however, have "I could sense him inside of you." An unplanned double entendre, amusing when everything else makes you want to gauge your eyes out.

The source of all Eeeeevillll

As a part of the degree twinning program, I have to choose a foreign uni in which I will continue my studies and complete my degree. So for a while, I kinda have my heart set on this one particular uni...

The reason why I am choosing this particular uni is not because it has an extremely low credit transfer - CGPA 2.0, its not because it is in a country where the weather would be most suitable for the Constantly Dramatic One - nope, its not because it can offer the best course in the field of communication- it doesn't, its not because the currency exchange still make it somewhat affordable - nada. The one and only reason why I wanna transfer to this particular uni, in this particular country is the fact that this particular uni is exactly half an hour away from the city's party central.



Yes. Party Central. Where's rows and rows of clubs line the street. Where people dance the night away. Where good times is never ending. Think of it like Malaysia's Heritage Row . Only better.



But there's a catch. Obviously. The uni's administration have upgraded their requirement for international students. Damn bitches, from just five required subjects that was compulsory to be taken to be qualified to enter the uni, they have now make it ELEVEN subjects and out of these eleven subjects, they are including two maths subjects and two natural science subjects.



What. The. Fuck.



The Constantly Dramatic One don't do maths ok? Maths is the source of all evil in this world. So evil that whenever someone mentions the word "maths", babies all over the world would start crying, flowers wilt and I bet you my ass there's gonna be a storm on the way. Maths is the source of all wars, plagues and poverty in this world. I'm serious. As a Muslim, I do not condone evil therefore I don't do Maths. Period.


And these bitches from this particular uni want me to do two fucking maths subjects just so that I could be qualified to enter? Finite Maths AND Statistics? Are you fucking with me? And to top that two natural science subjects? Bitch, if I wanna know all about science, I'll YouTube Bill Nye the Science Guy ok?


Now tell me the rationale of this? What is the logic in someone who is pursuing a Major in TV & Film Productions with a Minor in Scriptwriting to fucking study her ass off for maths and science subjects? It does not make sense! Its not like in the middle of a film production I'm gonna go "Alright y'all hold up. I just wanna check out the physical properties of this camera right here then after finding that I would just calculate the velocity of which the the overhead light travel from one end of the set to another, and while I am at that let me just do some statistics. Why? Coz this is how we roll when we make films. We randomly stop productions and do maths."

And don't give me that bull crap on how one day I will write an award winning script about a bunch of forensic scientist working in KL al'a CSI. That whole forensic science thing has been milked to death and FYI, the Constantly Dramatic One does not recycle other people's idea.


This is pissing me off. I hate maths with a vengeance I cannot even begin to describe. If maths is a person, I would inflict all kinds of pain on him. I swear to gawd.



So now I have to rethink. Is being half hour away from the ultimate party central worth killing all my brain cells? Is being half hour away from the ultimate party scene worth the self inflicted torture that is Physics class? Is being half hour away from the ultimate party scene worth me frolicking around with the ultimate evil that is Maths? Is it?

But damn...I do want to party.

This sucks donkey balls.

*** Upon rereading this post, I realise how much I miss Bill Nye the Science guy. Ahhhh...memories.

If Jason Bourne were my husband...

Before you, dear non-existing blog reader say that this movie is old news and why the hell is the Constantly Dramatic one blogging about this? Let me clarify. Bourne Ultimatum hit Malaysian shores like on the Oct 11th or something. I'm not sure, so where I'm at, this ain't old news...its moderately-new semi-old kinda news. Cool? Moving on.

For those of you out there who have not watched this movie I say friggin drag your ass to the cinema already and watch it!! It is like the one of the coolest movies I ever watched. And its an action movie too. FYI, I hate action movies with a passion so deep, it scares the bejesus out of Hitler. Most actions movies are repetitive and empty- plot wise, that they insult my intelligence. Case and point: ALL VanDamme movies.

But not with the Bourne franchise. Finally a movie that has both brains and brawn. Bourne can speak 7 different languages, highly intelligent and move swiftly like a friggin ninja! Bourne can kick ass like no body's business. It's so cool, I could wet my pants. Plus, BU also has a pretty intelligent plot seeing that it does come from a bestselling novel triology. And have I mentioned the fight scenes?

Okay, yes I am aware that the fights were choreograph. Yes, I understand that those scenes are not done in a single take. Yes, I acknowledge that the art of editing and the magic of sound effects made all the fight sequences look and sounds so amazing. Yes, I comprehend that the usage of handheld cameras adds to the suspense. While I do know more than the average person regarding the matters of film making seeing that I am heading off to film school, I choose to overlook it coz, c'mon why wanna ruin a brilliant thing like the Bourne Ultimatum over some flimsy thing as the basics of film making? Fuck that.

The fights scenes were so brilliant that upon leaving the cinema I had the overwhelming urge to pick fights with someone, anyone, so long as I can kick their asses- Jason Bourne style. Uh huh. Seriously. But I repressed it because as it turns out I am not Jason Bourne, and if I do get into fights with anyone I will undoubtedly get my ass whooped. This, I have no doubt.

But wouldn't it be cool if say...I am married to Jason Bourne? Say that in some alternate universe we met, fell in love, have fantastic sex and then he ended up being my husband. Dude! I would pick fights with everyone coz I can. Coz my husband is a bad ass. Think about it:

I'm in line at the cinema and some asshole cut in front of me in the queue. I tap him on the shoulder and say that he should go to the back of the line but he told me to fuck off instead. So what do I do? I call my husband Jason Bourne and he comes and whoop that asshole back to last year! Yeah some kungfu ninja shit and all while looking insanely sleek. Then as the onlookers ooh and ahh, I'll go "Yeah, that's my husband Jason Bourne. He can really layeth the smacketh down on any one of you assholes. He hardcore."

I found a parking spot and as I was maneuvering my car into it, some jackass came out of nowhere and got into the spot before I did. WTF? I got out of my car, banged on his window and demanded that he move his damn car .He told me to fuck off and somehow managed to slip in the fact that anything with tits can't park cars for shit. So what do I do? I call my husband Jason Bourne and he comes and whoop that jackass back to last year! Yeah, he will brake Jackass's window and then proceed to grab him by the ears and drag his ass out of the car. Yes I said "grab him by the ears". Coz that's my husband Jason. He hardcore. Then he will do a roundhouse kick with a combination of jujitsu to beat the living crap out of Jackass. Finally when Jackass cannot take it anymore, Jason (my husband, in case you have somehow managed to forget that) would then proceed to flying kick him off the roof (lets assume that the parking lot was a rooftop parking lot). Then as the crows who live on the rooftop caw insanely at the spectacle they just witnessed I'll say "Yeah, that's my husband Jason Bourne. He flying kick people off the roof all the time. He hardcore."

When I finally begin my evil plan to TAKE OVER THE WORLD, I will use Jason as my awesome-death-defying-fighting-machine.

In the movie he was involved in a car crash and did not even get a small cut while the villain had a concussion or something. He leaped from one rooftop to another and not once did he stumble. Finally in the last scene, he jumped off a building- a 20 floor building, got shot in mid-air and plunge into the water- 20 floors down, mind you- and STILL survives. If that shit ain't hardcore, I dunno what is. I will collect his awesome-death-defying-fighting-machine DNA and harvest it so that I can raise an army of Jason Bourne clones. Bazookas, tanks, fighter jets and whatever combat weapons you have, have got nuthin on the Army of Jason Bourne Clones that I have created.

MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I am an evil genius. Now bow down and stare in wonder.

Biatch.

I wish I'm evil.

Than I could kill people without remorse.

But thing is...I'm not evil.

Having a conscience sucks donkey balls.