Too old for peer pressure

You know….I am a motherfucking 20-something years old.


20-something years old!


I am no longer a child questioning everything yet knowing nothing at all. I am no longer an adolescent lovestruck by some pretty boy in a boyband that would probably be defunct within a year’s time. I am no longer a teenager filling out my training bra. Nor am I that 18-year-old fresh out of highschool, wide eyed with possibilities that would probably never be realized. I am a motherfucking 20-something years old. I am seasoned. I live alone on a motherfucking continent away from the land of my birth. Okay. Just get that shit straight. I am a fucking adult and as an adult I should not even be blogging about this fuckery. But then here I am, doing just that.


“CD, you don’t smoke? Wow, what a loser.”


The. Fuck.


Let’s all take a moment here and examine this. The worthless piece of shit who said this to me was

a) 20-something as well
b) a fellow university student
c) supposedly, an “adult”


So again: The. Fuck.


I stared at him. Flabbergasted. And I asked “What did you say?” Cause he couldn’t possibly said that to me, did he now? And he repeated the same thing. But this time he added “All the cool people smoke.” I searched his face for a trace of humour and could find none. Seriously. What are we, a bunch of 16 years old over at the school yard trying to act cool? What the fuck is wrong with this guy? Is he special?


So I said;


“Oh I’m sorry. I’m a loser now because I opted not to burn and poison my lugs day in and day out just so that assholes like you would think of me as “cool”. You know what, I am comfortable with myself. I don’t have to smoke and waste my money by buying a goddamn box of cigarettes that cost like what? 12 fucking bucks so that assholes like you would think I’m cool. So yes, I am a loser. I am loser because I am comfortable with myself and proud of myself that I do not spend thinking of what people think of me and try to “be cool” and “fit in” the way you do during every waking moment of your insignificant little life.”


I sat there and waited for a comeback cause I was geared up for a fight. He looked embarrassed and kinda shuffled away and did not make eye contact with me the whole night. Which was a disappointment cause fucker really pissed me off. I did however, told him off in front of like 4 people. If he meant that as a joke then it was stupid fucking joke cause that shit pissed me off so much.


I mean what kind of statement is that?!! I still cannot get over it. We are adults. This kind of fuckery should not even happen. What the fuck happen to freedom of choice and respecting people? What about non-conformity and individualism? I should not be dealing with this kind of mentality when in uni man. A place of higher education, my giant ass.


Don’t get me wrong. I have no issues against smoking or smokers. Almost all my friends here smoke, I live in a smoking house- both of my housemates smoke and I dated smokers. I have no issues with them. The reason why I don’t smoke is not for health reasons. Fuck that. I’m stingy. Fucking cigarettes are expensive and I like to shop for pretty dresses. It’s either cigarettes or pretty dresses. I have priorities bitches. But that’s not the issue here.


The issue here is that I’m just fucking pissed off that someone would say that shit to me. I’m too old for this fuckery man.

This day, 20-something years ago...

You know, when I was a kid.....I can't wait to grow older and become an adult. Now that I'm an adult..............this shit sucks ass man.

No, no "Happy Birthdays" bitches. Ain't nothing happy about growing old. Tomorrow after sending in my assignments, I'm gonna go out and get my first anti-aging cream. And more black eyeliners considering that I'm so fucking emo now. After that I will go out and live my life fully cause my days are numbered. The thing is......I would probably kill myself when I hit 30. So now is the time to live out loud.

Le sigh.

So enjoy your day. I'm gonna go sit in a secluded, dark corner of a coffee shop somewhere and reminisce of days gone by while sipping black coffee with tears trickling down my face. Then I will go to a museum and absorb the culture and art that Australia have to offer. Cause even while being emo, I still have an artsy-fartsy-pretentious-snob reputation to maintain. And what's better then the richness of art on the very day that I am being reminded…..once again, of my fleeting youth and ultimately; my mortality?

It’ll be like a scene from a Godard movie. Only you know…..not French.

And then come Friday, when all my friends have finished their exams and send in their assignments, we’re gonna take a one hour drive to the best strip club in the state and have a stripper give me a lapdance. Cause you see, lapdances are one of the things old people like me could enjoy.

So suck on that, younger people who are reading this blog. Suck on that.

This is not the end.

I have been thinking, I have been thinking of not blogging anymore.

 

It’s like this….

 

I used to be that girl.

 

Who reads books of fictional character’s adventures cause I don’t have my own. I used to watch dramatic movies with apt concentration cause it takes me to places where my life will never get to be. I’m used to be that girl who follows blogs obsessively…..reading other’s people’s fascinating lives and envying them cause in my mind…I will never have that.

 

 

I used to be that girl who waited for “my real life to begin”.

 

 

So I blogged and I read and I become lost in my world of daydreams. Of fantasies never to be realized.

 

 

Of remarkable lives that is not mine.

 

 

And then I get here and suddenly that “real life” that I have waited for…for so long… begun. Unknowingly, without me realizing or knowing how exactly…but it did. And it’s exciting and I have so much stories that I could never share in one lifetime. People who are just like the characters in the books I’ve cherished so much for so long are calling me up for lunch. Romantic entanglements that I thought only happens in movies are happening to me. Weird shit, embarrassing scenarios…everything and its all happening to me.

 

To me, the girl who became the Constantly Dramatic One because her life is too mundane. The girl who strived for drama in every waking moment cause there is not enough excitement in my life….and now….I no longer do. I no longer need to be that drama queen just to not be bored anymore.

 

 

My real life has begun.

 

 

And for some reason….this blog has little to no part of it.

 

 

This is not goodbye.

 

 

Merely a note in passing to dear readers that have been reading for so long. I will keep blogging of course….but if one day I was just to disappear without even a goodbye post know that I’m gone. I’m living my life. I’m never good with goodbyes just that you know…..sometimes life takes you to unusual places and some of those places have no net connections.

 

 

Or perhaps this entire post could also be because it’s August. And next month is September. And come the 21^st, I’ll be old like a motherfucker.

 

And man, I always have the blues whenever my birthday comes around.