I iz stalking jooooooooo

So I'm kinda been.....stalking a guy. Okay. Shit. That comes out wrong. Let me rephrase. I am stalking a guy's blog. A hot guy's blog. Smokin hot. I kinda been doing it since like...uuhh......last year. But before this post enter a brand new realm of fucked up creepiness, let me explain.

He is a firefighter.

Ahhhhh, it makes sense now, doesn't it? He is a smokin hot firefighter. Now how I stumbled upon his blog is pretty much a typical story of the blogsphere. I was bloghopping, reading comments when I noticed one of the display pictures were of a firefighter's hat. Now my fetish respect for the firefighter's hat is well documented on this blog, as long time readers would know. Dude, all you have to do is put a firefighter's hat on your display pic and I will Google your name up and then try to Google Earth your house. Basically stalk the crap out of you. It is as simple as that.

So don't tempt me.






The thing about his blog is...it's kinda....well blah. Dude can't write for shit. Actually I think he's a himbo. But what he lacks in writing he make do in pictures. His pictures. And his friends. In uniform............................OhmyGod, it is so hot that I cannot even think straight. It's like p0rn, but much better. Cause there's no naked chicks that are hotter than me but just firefighters in uniforms. Sometimes he put up pictures of him and his friends, in full uniform on the firetruck. When he does that, I usually just shut off the PC and then proceed to take a looooong, cold, icy shower.




See, I told you this post is going to be creepy as hell.






But lately he haven't been updating. This is common because sometimes he gets busy rescuing kitties out of tress that he doesn't blog. But then when I went to check out his blog the last time it was missing!! Motherfucker. Really it was. Just gone. Poof! Like no goodbyes. No "I'll be moving to Wordpress cause Blogspot sucks donkey balls". Nothing. Just gone.





This is pissing me off. First of all, yes I have been stalking him without him knowing but I am long time reader, bitch. I deserve to know if he is going to terminate his blog. At least that way I can line up another firefighter to stalk. Of course, I wont expect him to write "Dear crazy stalker chick from Malaysia, I know you're stalking my tight ass. Because of that I feel morally violated and will no longer put up pictures of my tight ass on firetrucks so that you can have you long, cold, icy showers afterwards. And I'm taking my hat with me. xoxo Super-hot-firefighter-with-tight-ass." Of course I am not expecting that but a nice little farewell note would be much appreciated.


Fucker.


So now it has been 3 weeks since his blog disappeared from the wonderful world of blogshphere. I have come to terms with it. I have mourn the loss of seeing his firefighter hotness on a weekly basis. I am ready to move on therefore I am scouring the net for other blogs belonging to hot firefighters. You guys know any? I need my fix.

No, seriously.

08.08.08

Hey I have a question for you. Where were you on the 8th of 8th of 2008? You know a date that would only come in another century? Wait...oh you were at home? Watching the Opening Ceremony of the Beijing Olympics? Oh you had dinner with the family too? Fed your pet fish? Also you got your hair done?.....Oh that's nice. Just swell.


Me? No, I did not managed to catch the Opening Ceremony. I heard it was nice. I'll just catch the repeat....or watch it on youTube.

Wait....why didn't I catch the Opening Ceremony....oh that's just because I was chilling out in a hammock. Under the coconut trees. Letting the sea breeze caress me from my hair to the tips of my toes like a lover that have been gone for too long. Clown fishes ate from my fingers as I fed them bread underwater. I played beach volleyball with a bunch of young virile men. I sunbathed next to hot French divers and lusted after their rock hard abs. I walked miles into the sea during low tide, when the water was so shallow that it only reaches my ankle. I made sandcastles and waited for divers to to come back to shore and tell me bout the adventures they had 20feet below the sea. I had BBQ on the beach under the moonlight. I wrote my name in the sand just to watch it washed away by the tides.

Did I mentioned that I was in Redang for 4 days and 3 nights? Well I did. And it was lovely, just lovely.

1000....really?

Holy Mother of all that is pure and true! I now have 1000 tagged photos of me on Facebook. I say "tagged" cause some are just so fug that I untagged them but...but.....How the hell did this happened? 1000? Duuuudeee.......

I'm a mega camwhore. Super duper one. When I die they probably gonna write this on my tombstone:

The Constantly Dramatic One

Sept 21st 198* -

Daughter. Sister. Friend. Drama Queen. Sexay Penguin.

Purdy Sunflower. Mega Camwhore.

You know they totally would....

My list of possible lesbian lovers....

otherwise could be titled: If-ever-there-comes-a-time-when-I-am-no-longer-lusting-for-Clive Owen-and-have-no-desire-to-become-his-kept-woman-or-to-sire-his-illegitimate-children...I-would-totally-become-a-lesbian-and-do-these-chicks.

Also for all those of you who got a stick stuck up your asses, no I'm not a lesbian. Even if I am it's none of your problem and I'm speaking specifically to those individuals of excessive homophobia and overzealous religious beliefs. But as it is, this whole list is a joke. If you can't take a joke than I suggest you take that stick stuck up your asses and your dignified selves elsewhere. No one making you stay and read my blog at gun point now, are they?





So now I present to you the top ten women that the Constantly Dramatic One would totally go lesbo with. Durn durn duuuuuurrrrnnnn!



Number 10: Mariah Carey

I know a lot of you guys are going...."Dude, Mariah Carey? WTF?".

I know....I know. She is skanky and trashy. But you know, I think she's a hot kinda skanky and trashy. I put her down on my list of "Lesbian One Night Stand" cause no way in hell I wanna get into a domestic partnership with this woman. Bitch is crazy.




Number 9: Lucy Lui







Lucy has this really quiet kinda sexiness. She would not jump off the page as someone who is really sexy or in fact beautiful. But when she speaks and move, you just cannot take her eyes of her. It's the quiet confidence thing. I always think that out of the 3 Charlie's Angels- Cameron Diaz is the cute one, Drew Barrymore is the charming one and Lucy Liu is the slinky, uber sexy one.


Also if you have ever seen "Payback", you know that that part with Lucy in the dominatrix getup is pretty much hard to forget.

Number 8: Marlene Dietrich

Ahhhh Marlene, I know she's dead but her sensuality lives on for centuries to come. She exudes an aura of insatiable mystery every time she's on the screen. Maybe its the German accent, maybe its those famous legs of hers, or how the smoke from her cigarette always framed her face, or maybe because she was always so beautifully lighted in every movie she have ever been in therefore presented at her best like a fine work of art.....*le sigh*

Number 7: Amanda Bynes

Okay Amanda isn't exactly your typical babe. But she is funny ,talented and pretty. She seems to be working hard and keeping her personal life out of the spotlight....unlike some people *cough* Lindsay Lohan *cough*.




If I really am a lesbian, I'll ask her to marry me (same sex marriage is a go in California people) and then together we'll go to the sperm bank to get artificially inseminated and rear a beautiful family together. The kids can call her Mom and me Mama so that they won't be confused with having two mothers and all.






Number 6: Gabrielle Union


Have you watched "Bad Boys 2"? What about "Bring It On"? If you haven't than I suggest you do cause when you do, you'll know why she's on the list.





Number 5: Tina Fey


Intelligence is sexy and Tina Fey has loads of that.

Talented, funny, smart, pretty - Ms.Fey is the whole package. She seems like the type that would like to debate you on everything. Politics, philosophy, what's for dinner tonight- everything.


Which is good cause the relationship is always intellectually stimulated but then I guess most of the time I would need to tell her to shut the hell up and put on the strap-on.


Ahem.


Also those glasses are hot.


Number 4: Marilyn Monroe





Seriously. You guys have got to see this coming.





Number 3: Gong Li

This woman have just recently entered my list. I think she looked gorgeous in "Memoirs of a Geisha", if not a little bit of a psychopath. But still gorgeous. I really don't get why Zhang Ziyi was cast as the most beautiful geisha when it's clear that Gong Li look so much better than her.


Either way, Gong Li goes on my "Lesbian One Night Stand" list. She's hot but I bet she's scary as hell.






Number 2: Barbara Mori





Anyone familiar with those trashy Mexican telenovelas would know who Barbara Mori is. "Rubi" anyone? I think she is the most beautiful woman on Planet Earth. Screw Miss Universe, Barbara Mori is the real deal. I know that dress she's wearing is fug but it's one of the few pictures that she's actually covered up. This woman cannot keep her clothes on.



I loved her in "Rubi". She was just simply magnificent playing the title character. Such a manipulative, crazy, greedy, deceitful, evil bitch. So delicious in her evil doings. Also one of the highlights of the show is when she screams "Pokeno mi amore?!! Pokeno?!!!" And I'll be at home going "Si bastardo!! Pokeno?!!! Pokeno?!!"

Number 1: Cate Blanchett



I know........unexpected.


But Cate has a certain ethereal beauty to her. She wasn't cast as Galadriel for nothing. She's a chameleon, always delivering her best in her movie roles and managed to look stunning on the red carpet. She's intelligent, she's mysterious, she's pure class. And that's why she's my number one pick of lesbian lover.


One day...I might just abandon Clive for her....
Might: Key operative word there.


I am tagging Natalija with this. I know she'll love it.

Come here, pussy cat

You know what, Katy Perry's song 'I Kissed a Girl' is releasing the gay in me. We're talking full fledge gay here. Screw this bisexual thing I got goin on. I wanna be gayer than George Michael during a pride parade.

Now I just need to find me a gay girl to go gay with...

Any takers?



Update August 5th 2008


Seeing that there is a deafening, uncomfortable silence from the girls (via the comment box)....I think I'll make a list of possible lesbian lovers for me in my next post. Just to push it even more and make everyone squirm. Mwahahahahhaah!!

I'm such an evil bitch.