Showing posts with label rempit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rempit. Show all posts

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Humble and modest, that is me


I have been double tag by both Faye and Pourpres to do this tag. 15 random facts about the Constantly Dramatic One. I mean, who would want to know random things about me? I mean......I think this whole practice of telling people all facts all about me is just shallow and narcissistic. The Constantly Dramatic One is of course not shallow or narcissistic. I am humble. And modest. And the ultimate paragon of all that is pure and true in this world.




What's that?...........What are these mistruths you speak of? When have I ever claimed to be..."ossum". I have made no such claim. Modest and humble and pure and true persons such as I am will never make such claim. I do not need to claim to be ossum, tis an undisputed fact.


*buff nails*

Even though I am humble and modest and do not like talking about myself....at all..............I will do this tag. I will write 15 random facts about myself. Because in the blogsphere, we honour the age old tradition of blog tagging. Yes, that's the only reason. In no way will I enjoy writing all this about myself. In no way do I enjoy talking about myself. In no way am I narcisstic. At all. None.





Seriously.




1. I kiss and hug my parents every night before going to sleep. Also every time before I leave the house. This does not include the times we have arguments cause during those times there will be no hugging and kissing. Only shouting and slamming doors. And more shouting........... And slamming doors.



2. I have 6 people whom I met through the blogsphere on my Facebook: Prince, Quin, Peter, Faye, Melissa and Tine. People whom I have never met in real life but have grown to adore.





3. Red lipstick is most of the time, my everyday look. I rock red lipsticks better than anyone I know. Yes, better than anyone else I know. This is yet another demonstration of how humble and modest the Constantly Dramatic One is.



4. I do not go out to celebrate the coming of New Year or Merdeka (Independence Day), I just couldn't be bothered. I'm not bothered to go out clubbing or to watch the fireworks or whatever. The traffic is hideous, everything's overcharged, parking is a bitch and the crowd..... Oh God, the crowd. The
rempits, the posers, the horny illegal immigrants, the snooty "cool kids"- I cannot take it. Piss me off.



So what if I'm lame cause I chose to stay in on these nights, I don't care. I'm not the dumbass who's gonna be stuck in traffic for 5 hours, getting stressed out searching for parking or getting my ass grabbed by some Bangladeshi construction worker in the crowd...all for the sake of watching some fireworks blow up.


5. In an ideal world this is how my beauty regime would go:

The first week of the month: I shall go for a full body massage. The nekkid type. Ideally, the messues would be male, muscular, sexy, has a tight ass and resembles Clive Owen. Would be even better if the messues is Clive Owen. But alas, this is not an ideal world. Clive is an actor, not a messues.


The second week of the month: I shall go for a
diamond peel facial. Where they massage your face with diamonds to encourage blood flow and all that jazz. None of those run of the mill facials for moi, only diamond facials are good enough. But alas, this is not an ideal world. Half the damn time I cannot even afford a McDonald's Happy Meal, much less something related to diamonds.


The third week of the month: I shall go for a
fish therapy
I will sit there for half and hour and let them fished nimble away the dead cells on my feet and hence beautify them. All this goes on while Clive gives me a back rub. But alas, this is not an ideal world. Clive does not give me back rubs. Bastard.



The fourth week of the month: I shall go for mani and pedi. At this upscale nail boutique in which they would pamper me, beautify my nails and make me feel all special and purdy. But alas, this is not an ideal world. I do my own mani and pedi and most of the time my nails ended up lopsided. And all retarded looking. Also they're kinda transparent due to lack of some vitamin or other.



6. Samuel L.Jackson is my ultimate idol in badass-dery. Everytime I watched any of his movies, I have an insane need to go around calling everyone "motherfucker". Whenever I feel like someone is bullying me or pushing me to a corner, I think to myself "What would Samuel L.Jackson do?............He would whoop this motherfucker bitch azz up! That's what he'll do." I of course would not whoop anyone's bitch ass up..........cause I'm a pussy.



7. I am only interested in men who are 7 to 9 years older than me. Little boys around my age do not interest me.




8. I have not watched MTV for about 4 years now. I didn't even check out that channel when I'm channel surfing. I just grown to old to give a damn about awards, or the newest video clips or who's hot right, or who's dating who. That's just so highschool. And it's been ages since I left highschool I am after all twenty.............19 years old. Yes 19, just 2 years since I left highschool. Not that long ago when I think about.



Moving on.



9. I did not find out about sex until I was 14. True story, I am not making this shit up. I honestly do not know that people have sex to have babies. I thought people have sex for fun and babies just appear out of nowhere. No really, I am that fucking stooooopid. I remember the day I found out about sex. It was in Islamic Studies class and the teacher was talking about the sins of premarital sex and what happens if you get a baby from that.......and then it dawned on me that people have sex, babies come from sex, my parents have 3 kids...........................................................that was a very disturbing revelation. I can assure you that.




I can also assure you that my knowledge of sex have greatly improve since then. Ahem.



10. I cannot pronounce the word "beach". I can't. Don't try and teach me cause I just can't. It just comes out as "bitch". So I always say "seaside" instead. Conversations going round this word usually go like this:


CD: Yay!! We're here. Let's hit the seaside.
Random friend: You mean the beach?
CD: Yeah, the seaside.
Random friend:.................................Beach right?
CD: Yes, that's what I said. Seaside.


And round and round it goes.



11. One of the best things in life is when I read something, a book or an article, is when a line would jump out to me. Like when you read something and you stopped over a sentence, reflect and go "Damn, that is a good line. I wish I could write that." That is like one of my favourite things, finding those lines. And because I like them so much, I collect them. I write them out in my notebook so that I could look them over again and again. I appreciate the beauty of words. Words can be magical if you can weave them well.


And one of those people that can definitely weave words is Faye. I cannot tell you how many times that I stopped and go "Damn that was a good line, this woman can really write" while reading her blog. Then in a total act of word nerdy-ness, I'll write out the line or the phrase so that I can look it over in other time. I'm nerdy like that.


12. You know how men are fond of saying that women dress up nicely for them? I say bullshit. I never dress up for men. When I do dress up to go out, I always have women in mind. What men think is a non-issue. It's not like that they have an ounce of idea what fashion is all about. What other women think of my outfit is far more crucial. That's how I know how chic I look.



13. For some reason I always regret the fact that I was born long after my Pakistani grandpa on my mother side passed away. He fought in the WW2 alongside the Brits and that hows he came to (the then) Malaya, met my grandma and settle down. I always think that talking to him would a fascinating thing. Hearing all his war stories, his childhood stories in a distant land and all that. Unfortunately he passed away even before my parents were wed.

Atuk & Wan (grandpa & grandma) circa 1970s


I regret never knowing my grandpa. Though it is no fault of my own or anyone else's.



14. Every girl has a favourite Disney princess. Most of the time, for some reason or another it'll be Cinderella. Mine is not Cinderella. Mine is Snow White. Before this I though the reason why I like her so much is cause of the red lips, I have a penchant for red lipsticks anyways. But then I realise something, seeing that Snow White was released in the 1930s, the artwork that comes with the film Snow White is in tuned with that era.





You guys, Snow White looks like a pinup girl. No really. Google it up if you don't believe me.



15. Every year I will buy a little something for myself on my bDay. Sort of a self-pampering shit. Last year it was a handbag, before that a Shiseido lipstick, this year it is a book that I have been wanting for a long time.




16. One of my great interest, actually, love is....wait for it.......is history. I've always enjoyed history. All through highschool I consistently scored A's for history. I mean I'm flunking Maths, getting Bs for Biology but there never a time when I have anything less than an A for my history exams. In fact, I read history books for fun. I can tell you what the War of the Roses was all about, the founding of Melacca in a heartbeat, explain the rise and fall of the Roman Empire in great details.....cause I buy books about them. I spent countless hours reading about them online. I also religiously watch the History Channel, for fun.





In fact even the fiction books I read have an inclination to be historical. Historical crime, historical fantasy, historical high fantasy, historical romance, historical fiction...basically if it's historical you can bet your ass I will enjoy it. My favourites are 13th century Medieval England especially concerning Henry the 8th and his 6 wives, 14th Century Scotland, 1930's American (the Great Depression), books concerning the Holocaust are just fascinating, and Edwardian France. Those are good centuries to start with if you want to read anything historical.





In fact, this is the book I'm reading now:




The Autobiography of Henry VII: With Notes by His Fool, Will Somers .By Margaret George (994 pages)


It also has the honour of being the book I bought as a gift for myself, for my birthday. Now you know.


Oh wow, look 16 facts. Damn, I am too humble. Now I am tagging 15 of your asses.



1) Natalija

2) Frank

3) Aini

4) Melissa

5) Tine

6) Peter

7) Tinesh

8) Rujing

9) Technodoll

10) Michelle

11) Senorita

12) splatme

13) Kerp

14) Fara

15) And the last one is open for whoever that wants to do this.



Now go forth and be humble and modest, minions.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Goddamn rempits





That's right.


You whistling and yelling from your motorcycle whilst commenting on how you wanna "hit that" as I walk down the street is so totally turning me on.



I just wanna take off all my clothes now and fuck like bunnies with you right there in broad daylight because being yelled at and whistle to as I walk down to my parked car like a fucking 2 cent hooker is what I have always dream of ever since the day I was born.



You do know the way to a woman's heart.



You stupid worthless piece of shit assholes.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Day in Stupidity


The Constantly Dramatic One was stalked today.


By a bunch of stupid fucks.




It started out like this. I went out to buy material for my sister's upcoming wedding. The theme is blue therefore the whole family is wearing blue. I only have one outfit in blue and like hell I am gonna repeat outfits for my sister's wedding.



So today I went to Gulati's Silk House, a famous cloth retail over here to find material to be turn into a kebaya. Its in the Malay culture, and every other culture I think, to wear our traditional clothes during big occasions such as weddings. When I was entering the store, there was a group of four guys, in their twenties hanging about near the store but I couldn't really give a damn.


I am after all a woman on a mission.



I think I spent over an hour in the store looking over the most beautiful material that would look good on

a) moi,
b) would still look good when turned into a kebaya,
c) within the budget or my dad will turn homicidal.



Finally the Constantly Dramatic One settled on this gorgeous blue material, its glorious. It turned greenish when the light hits it and shiny and soooo pretty. 100% Korean silk so you know its comfy as hell. And best part is, its only within the budget because there is a 40% discount. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I'm gonna wear that and feel...luxurious.


So after keeping the shop assistants busy for over an hour and damn happy with my selection I decided to do some window shopping. The four guys that was hanging about was still there when I left Gulati's. Its when I was browsing books at
MPH that I noticed that there were two of the guys in the bookstore with me. There was nothing peculiar over two guys browsing for books. What's peculiar was that they were in front of the section where they were selling historical romance novels. And when I was looking, they both were sooooo into searching for a book.



Okay, two gay dudes who probably enjoy reading historical romance to each other and anal sex.

Yeah, okay. I'm down with that.



Then I left and check out jewelery boxes In Living Quarters and the two guys are still there. This time looking at vases. Glass vases with intricate flowery designs.



Okay, so on top of reading historical romance to each other and anal sex, they probably also playing house together.

Yeah, okay. I'm down with that.



Then it all finally clicks when the Constantly Dramatic One's was in
Watson's looking at sanitary pads and guess who were looking at pads too? Uh huh....yeah. Doesn't seem so gay now and I feel stupid as fuck. Then one of the guys smiled at me and asked what my name is. That's right huney, make your move by the sanitary pads. In a drugstore.



Classy.



I smiled to be polite and then walked away. They followed me around and then tried to made contact by sanitary pads. Like hello? I don't come near at all to being as hot as Scarlett Johansson or ever been the pretties girl in the room but I do need someone with a minute level of brain functionality. Clearly they don't have this. Plus, they were
rempits. I won't go near a rempit even with a 40 feet pole.




So that concludes the Constantly Dramatic One's day in stupidity. Wasn't the first time I was stalked by rempits though. Rempits like to stalk women apparently. God...when is there going to be a law that legalize people to shoot rempits on sight? Oh wait was that too harsh?



Its supposed to be.