The Constantly Dramatic One's Shit List: Part 3

Okay this post has been a long time coming. I realise that my ass will get flame after this but then you know, it’s not like having haters on this blog is anything new. Haters on Dramatic Musing is like the sun on a bright shining day. They keep things spicy here and over time I have come to rely on them for my perpetual craving for drama. Yes….. haters complete me in ways no lover ever could.

 

And for that, I thank you.

 

Anyways, I dunno bout you guys but as much as I am into this whole blogging thing right, there are just some shit out there that bugs the fuck out of me. Just some random things regarding the blogging world so let me just list them out for you. In no chronological order:

 

1) Tedious bloggers pissed the fuck out of me. You know those kinds, the ones that have to give you a play by play of their whole life. Every, mundane, minute details have to be described and exploited. Dunno what I’m talking about, let me give you some examples:

 

 

“Today I went shopping. I drove there in my silver Volvo. Eric came with me. He sat in the passenger seat next to me. He wore a red hoodie. I told him it makes him look gay. I laughed. Haha.”

 

“Oh today I woke up. Then I went to the bathroom. Then I took a dump. I wiped my ass with recycled tissue paper. It was pink in colour. I think it is pretty. Haha.”

 

FYI, no one wants to know about every little mundane shit that goes on in your insignificant little life. Really. Contrary to your singulary belief, you are not as fascinating as you thought. If you want to write shit like that out, get a damn diary. Not a goddamn blog. Reading your blog is so fucking boring that upon setting my eyes on it, watching paint dry and grass grow seem utterly attractive to me.

 

2) Okay now I understand that you love yourself. That you are in fact, the shiznit. That you are the most beautiful, the most drop dead gorgeous human being that has ever walked God’s green earth. See, I understand that. I understand that some amount of self love is needed for a healthy self esteem.

 

See I know I am not the most gorgeous woman around. I know that. But sometimes, on good days I look into the mirror and I go “Daaaammmnnnnn giiiirrrrrlll. You are fiiiinnneeee. Now shake that ass baby, shake that ass. Cause you are fiiiiinnnnneeee.” Moments like this would not be complete if I do not pull some Tyra Banks-es poses in the mirror. It’s fun. It keeps me happy. Keeps my self esteem healthy as well. But when I am overcome by moments of narcissism like this, I do not however take 3000 pictures of me and paste it all over my goddamn blog.

 

Yes, yes ...we know you think you’re gorgeous. We know. Unfortunately we do not share the sentiment. But really huney, no one wants to see you in 1700 different posses and faces in the same outfit. Also you know that shit that you do when clearly you are taking a pic of yourself and not looking into the camera, yeah that shit is lame. It does not make you look mysterious. It just heightened your douchebag factor.

 

3) See I have crappy taste in music. So crappy that whenever I tell people of my favourite artists, people visibly cringe in horror of it all. I listen to shallow pop music and I am not ashamed to admit it. Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Kelly Clarkson, Beyonce and so on and so forth are the singers that are on constant reply on my mp3. I know a lot of people think of pop music as crappy. So much so, that a friend once told me; “When we meet my other friends, please don’t tell them that you listen to Britney and those other crappy music cause then I am forced to abandon this friendship of ours.” It gets to that point okay.

 

So I understand completely on how other people do not like my type of music. And I respect that. I do not shove it into their ears and I do not force them to like it. I like what I like and vice versa which brings us to that fucking, fucking annoying instant-play-music-widget fuckery.

 

There are many blogs out there who have music widgets that start playing the moment a reader visits their blog. Let me just point out that those things are the most ridiculously annoying shit I have ever come across. Have it ever occurred to you that the rest of the damn population do not share the same taste in music as you do? Have it ever occurred to you that they might find the music that you oh so love and adore worst then the sound of a cat makes during giving birth? Have it occurred to you that your reader might be listening to their own music, and have no wish whatsoever to listen to your lame ass music while blog surfing? Get rid of that shit.

 

When I listen to Britney, I do not like to be interrupted.

 

4) I have issues with advertisings on blogs. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind if you have like only one of those widgets things. Just one. Big one, small one…whatever you know. In fact whenever I go to any blogs that have advertising I make a point of clicking on that ad. Why not? Help out a fellow blogger you know...

What bugs the fuck out of me is when there are multiple ads crisscrossing on the page. I can’t fucking stand that shit. Or that shit when you move the cursor around and the ad follows the movement of your cursor. That shit is soooo fucking annoying okay. Stop it.

 

Your blog is nothing without your readers. Stop shoving shit into their faces. They come there to read what you write and what you think. Appreciate that. Be grateful. Do not fucking advertise like an asshole just cause you are greedy little piece of shit. Keep it to limited advertising and put that shit at a corner of your page. Not all over it. Have some respect for your readers and in turn they would respect you too.

 

 

5) “Hello. You have a nice blog. Link me.”

 

Really asshole, really?

 

This shit bugs me in more ways then the others could. I hate this okay. I can’t even describe to you how much I hate it. I hate it so much that I kinda wanna buy me a shotgun and kill all the motherfuckers that come my way and leave this in the comment box.

 

It’s soooo undignified. Listen, I linked to blogs that I like. Blogs that in some ways amuses me. If these bloggers feel like they wanna link me then they can go ahead and do it, if they don’t then no big whoop. Just because you linked my ass doesn’t mean I want to link yours mmmkay? Why do you need to come to my blog and do that shit? I know it sounds like nothing to the rest of you but I think these people who do these are like the hobos of the blogging world. The ones that stand at street corners asking for a buck. Only these ones troll the comment box asking people to link their boring ass when I have no wish to do so.

Write more interesting shit. Maybe then people would link you without you having to whore yourself out. Was that too harsh? Well, excuuuuuusssse me for not sugarcoating that for you. I ain't Mary Poppins, asshole.

 

Okay…that’s it. I got that out of my chest. Now tell the Constantly Dramatic One of your blogging pet peeves. Or flame my ass. Or defend your case. Or stop reading my blog all together. Doesn’t matter really. Unlike those douchebags that constantly put up pics of themselves, I am not here for the….what do you call it…"popularity”. I’m here strictly for the bitching.

The Constantly Dramatic One's Shit List: Part 2

Today on the second installment of "The Constantly Dramatic One's Shit List", I would like to bitch about......pronunciations. Yes, that's right. Pronunciations. But before that a little introduction first.

This is the section on Dramatic Musings in which I just wanna bitch in, okay? Just let me be. Most people think I have unresolved anger issues. Most people think that my unresolved issues exhibits itself especially when I'm behind the steering wheel. Most people think I should deal with whatever it is that's making me angry. To most people, this is what I say:

Now I'm no grammar Nazi like some people, nor am I a language elitist but there are some shit that need to be pronounced properly. Such as names. My name is the Constantly Dramatic One. I expect you to pronounce it as the Con-stant-ly Dra-ma-tic One. Okay? Such as you expect other people to pronounce your name pro-per-ly.

I notice lately and by lately I mean on TV that some TV personalities like to pronounce Malaysia as "Maleeeeziaaaaahh". Bitch, wtf? Listen, I understand that you think that you are cool, that you are in fact on TV after all and I'm not. Okay, fine, whatever. But really the fact that you are so inherently Malay and so inherently Malaysian and I know bitch, I know you grew up in Sungai Petani, Kedah* gives you no fucking excuse whatsoever to mispronounce the name of our motherland.

It's Ma-lay-sia you little skank whore. Not Ma-leeeee-zi-aaaaahhh. What the fuck is Maleeeeezzziaaaahhh anyways? Sounds like a fucking venereal disease. Do you have it bitch? That's why you find the need to educate the public about it? I'm sorry that you have "Maleeeezzzziaaaahhh" on your vagina now, but that's not my fault nor it is the country's. It is yours.

By affecting yourself with what clearly is a damn stupid accent does not up your cool factor. It makes you look like an affected, wannabe, venereal-disease-having-skank-whore. Just let it be. If you weren't born in the UK, why the hell do you find the need to speak like you are? You are not Bristish, you are from Sungai Petani. Embrace your roots. Be proud of it. Don't try to cover it with your idiotic, affected accent.

So the next time you feel the need to speak out loud the name of our motherland, please acknowledge its pronunciation and adhere by it. If your name is Dipship, you wouldn't want people to call you Asswipe now do you?

It's only common courtesy.

*******************************
Footnotes.

1) The use of "Sungai Petani, Kedah" is just to drive home a point. She is not from Sungai Petani. I do not know where she if from but I'm sure it is not from the UK. However, I am just trying to make a point here.

2) For part one of "the Constantly Dramatic One's Shit List" go here.

3) To give me a piece of your mind, please key in GO-FUCK-YOURSELF on your mobile phone.

That would be all. Thank you for your attention.

the Constantly Dramatic One's Shit List: Part 1

I have absolutely nothing to bitch about. No, nada, nothing. And this pisses me off. Like really. I am pissed off with the fact that I have nothing to be pissed off with. And with that I am starting a new section in Dramatic Musing, only to be used when I have nothing to bitch about. I'm calling this "the Constantly Dramatic One's Shit List" otherwise known as the section in which I bitch and rave about things/person/situations/shit that I hate.





On first place on my shit list is: Cutesy Girls




Oh. My. God. I hate cutesy girls. I hate them with a vengeance I cannot even begin to describe. It's like I want to gather all of them in one room, and then I want the wall to start pressing in on them, the floor will open up and sharp spears made to hunt boars with would jut out from the floor so that not only they will be crushed to death, they will be stabbed first. I would record the sound of their terrified screams and play it every night before I fall asleep smiling knowing I have rid the world of bimbos that have set womankind back decades. Dunno what I'm talking about, let me show you it.





Example 1:





"Oh mY gOd. mE sOoOo kAwAii!! mUst makE liPs LiKE thIS. tOO kAwAii!!"





Bish plz. Just because you pursed your lips, take pictures of yourself with your fake curly hair from a 90 degrees angle, does not make you cute. Listen, I dunno if you have noticed before but you are of Oriental descendant and with that comes certain traits. That particular trait I'm talking is that you have small eyes. Let it be. Come to terms with it. Stop fucking wearing all those fake eyelashes and opening your eyes up that big. No matter how big you open them up, it's not gonna happen.





It's just like my ass. Not matter how many butt exercises I do, my ass will always remain huge. Okay? I have come to terms with it. I have stopped staring at my ass in the mirror and willing it to be smaller. I have stopped taking photos of my ass from a 90 degrees angle just too see if it looks cuter. See, I have made my peace. You should too with your eyes. Let go of the fake eyelashes and the eyeliner and making yourself look all bug-eyed. It's not happening.

And oh, FYI, life is not a Japanese Anime. You are not a fucking Japanese Anime.


Example 2:

OMG. Look at this one. Another cutesy pose. If I ever see this bimbo in real life I would smack her so hard her great great grandfather dead in the grave would be able to feel it. "Ooouuu look at me!! I'm so cute and helpless and vulnerable. Save me."

Excuse me bimbo, I don't think you might have noticed, but this is the 21st century. The age of women being rescued by men have come and gone. Stop the fucking I'm so helpless and cute act. That whole vulnerability bullshit. Because that's what the whole cutesy act is all about, you want to be rescued. Thanks so much for your effort in setting back feminism 3000 years into the past.

Example 3:

I won't throw this one in the room with the rest of the Sisterhood of the Bimbotic Tits. Oh no.......This one deserves worst. What the fuck is up with the tongue? What you tit?!! What?!!! Why is there a need for you to take constipated looking photos like this and put it on the net? Why are there so many of your damn kind in my college?

Why is it that everyday when I go to college I have to deal with you? I have to listen to your whiny voices. I have to look at you pretending that you are too damn weak to push the damn door open and that you need a guy to do that for you? Why? What is the fucking appeal in playing helpless because ultimately that's what being cute is all about. Isn't it?

I think the reason why these tits pisses me off is cause every time I see them, I see weakness. I see a group of women who enjoys, who find pleasure in being helpless and vulnerable. Their whole life is about being rescued and being taken care of by men. It's damn frustrating knowing that in this age such mentality still prevails. These bimbos ought to be shot. And I bet they cant fight back anyways cause they're so................ helpless and all.

Should be easy to get rid of them then.....

**All pictures are courtesy of this website that is full of these tits that are making my eyes bleed. Thanks to Tine who introduced it to me, who I know wants me to bitch about it.

*** Also, a shout out to Natalija who used the word "tit" exquisitely and with vehemence that I totally wanna use it too.