the Constantly Dramatic One's Shit List: Part 1

I have absolutely nothing to bitch about. No, nada, nothing. And this pisses me off. Like really. I am pissed off with the fact that I have nothing to be pissed off with. And with that I am starting a new section in Dramatic Musing, only to be used when I have nothing to bitch about. I'm calling this "the Constantly Dramatic One's Shit List" otherwise known as the section in which I bitch and rave about things/person/situations/shit that I hate.





On first place on my shit list is: Cutesy Girls




Oh. My. God. I hate cutesy girls. I hate them with a vengeance I cannot even begin to describe. It's like I want to gather all of them in one room, and then I want the wall to start pressing in on them, the floor will open up and sharp spears made to hunt boars with would jut out from the floor so that not only they will be crushed to death, they will be stabbed first. I would record the sound of their terrified screams and play it every night before I fall asleep smiling knowing I have rid the world of bimbos that have set womankind back decades. Dunno what I'm talking about, let me show you it.





Example 1:





"Oh mY gOd. mE sOoOo kAwAii!! mUst makE liPs LiKE thIS. tOO kAwAii!!"





Bish plz. Just because you pursed your lips, take pictures of yourself with your fake curly hair from a 90 degrees angle, does not make you cute. Listen, I dunno if you have noticed before but you are of Oriental descendant and with that comes certain traits. That particular trait I'm talking is that you have small eyes. Let it be. Come to terms with it. Stop fucking wearing all those fake eyelashes and opening your eyes up that big. No matter how big you open them up, it's not gonna happen.





It's just like my ass. Not matter how many butt exercises I do, my ass will always remain huge. Okay? I have come to terms with it. I have stopped staring at my ass in the mirror and willing it to be smaller. I have stopped taking photos of my ass from a 90 degrees angle just too see if it looks cuter. See, I have made my peace. You should too with your eyes. Let go of the fake eyelashes and the eyeliner and making yourself look all bug-eyed. It's not happening.

And oh, FYI, life is not a Japanese Anime. You are not a fucking Japanese Anime.


Example 2:

OMG. Look at this one. Another cutesy pose. If I ever see this bimbo in real life I would smack her so hard her great great grandfather dead in the grave would be able to feel it. "Ooouuu look at me!! I'm so cute and helpless and vulnerable. Save me."

Excuse me bimbo, I don't think you might have noticed, but this is the 21st century. The age of women being rescued by men have come and gone. Stop the fucking I'm so helpless and cute act. That whole vulnerability bullshit. Because that's what the whole cutesy act is all about, you want to be rescued. Thanks so much for your effort in setting back feminism 3000 years into the past.

Example 3:

I won't throw this one in the room with the rest of the Sisterhood of the Bimbotic Tits. Oh no.......This one deserves worst. What the fuck is up with the tongue? What you tit?!! What?!!! Why is there a need for you to take constipated looking photos like this and put it on the net? Why are there so many of your damn kind in my college?

Why is it that everyday when I go to college I have to deal with you? I have to listen to your whiny voices. I have to look at you pretending that you are too damn weak to push the damn door open and that you need a guy to do that for you? Why? What is the fucking appeal in playing helpless because ultimately that's what being cute is all about. Isn't it?

I think the reason why these tits pisses me off is cause every time I see them, I see weakness. I see a group of women who enjoys, who find pleasure in being helpless and vulnerable. Their whole life is about being rescued and being taken care of by men. It's damn frustrating knowing that in this age such mentality still prevails. These bimbos ought to be shot. And I bet they cant fight back anyways cause they're so................ helpless and all.

Should be easy to get rid of them then.....

**All pictures are courtesy of this website that is full of these tits that are making my eyes bleed. Thanks to Tine who introduced it to me, who I know wants me to bitch about it.

*** Also, a shout out to Natalija who used the word "tit" exquisitely and with vehemence that I totally wanna use it too.

Vagina. Sorry, that was completely inappropiate.

Rules of differentiating between a skirt (image 1) and a napkin (image 2)

Skirt

Napkin

Rule 1

If a straight woman takes one look at you and the first thing that comes to her mind is whether or not you had a bikini wax....than huney; It's not a skirt. It's a napkin.

Rule 2
If a gay woman look at you and the first thing that comes to her mind is "Uuuuummmm carpet" .....than huney; It's not a skirt. It's a napkin.

Rule 3
If a straight man look at you and the first thing that comes to his mind is "Ooooo punani. I wanna squeeze it first." ....than huney; It's not a skirt. It's a napkin.

Rule 4

If a gay man take one look at you and the first thing that that he says to you is "Girl, you are nasssssty. Cover up."...than huney; It's not a skirt. It's a napkin.

Rule 5
If the first thing that comes to mind when random people look at you is "Damn, what was the plot to Octopussy again?" .......than huney; It's not a skirt. It's a napkin.

Rule 6

If the first thing that comes to my mind when I see you is "Whoa, she has a napkin on her vag....oh wait....that's her skirt......damn. Vagina. Shit I just said vagina out loud. That's completely inappropriate. Oh wait...I didn't say it out loud. I was just thinking. Hhhmmm...... Vagina. Vagina. Vagina.Vaaaaaaaaaaaagina........." ....than huney; It's not a skirt. It's a napkin.

Rule 7
If the length of your skirt is making me blog about it and repetitively using the word vagina, than huney; It's not a skirt. It's a napkin.

See, there are miniskirts. And then there are napkins. Napkins are something that you use to wipe your mouth and hands with after eating. It is not however, something that should be use to barely cover your ass and your.....va-gi-na.

My parents, they foot the bill for my college education. They do that so that one day I could become a productive member of society. So with that in mind, and my aspirations to become said productive member of society I go to my classes to learn. I expect to know what journalism is all about. I expect to know the theories and the power of the media. I expect that what I learn in class would later help me in the industry. What I don't expect is to be assaulted by your napkin-covered-vag during the last class of the day.

It makes me queasy to know that I am "this close" to tapping you on the shoulder to ask you where you get your bikini wax done. I never had bikini wax before. I heard it hurts like a bitch. Maybe you can validate that for me? But then I realise what's the point when its not like I'm getting laid anytime soon and I always make a point of covering up my own vag with more than just a napkin.

Which would bring me to my second point, why do you feel the need to share you vag with the whole world? I mean...seriously. I'm sure that your intentions are good. However skewed they are. But here's the deal. I have my own vag. And it is prettier than yours. I don't need to look at yours okay. Thanks....but no. Cover yourself up woman.

I'm all for self esteem and that whole "confidence makes us beautiful". I do. But your legs............yeah. Fug. I'm sorry. Kudos for the self confidence though but really. They're fug. I was of course distracted by that napkin you were wearing....coz its was just like......half an inch away from exposing your vag to the whole world that for the first 10 mins I did not realise how fug your legs are. But they are huney, they are.

So the next time you come to class. Please don't -under any circumstances- try to share the view of your birth canal with me. I can go on with my life without ever knowing that. Seriously. Cover yourself up. Your vagina is your treasure. Cherish it. Guard it. Give it a wax once in a while. Don't turn it into a friggin sideshow attraction.

Get that, Napkin?

The end of the road

So the musical was a whole lot of fun. There were sooo many flukes its ridiculous, but in an insanely funny way. Not at that point of course. At that point we were like "Wtf? Wtf?" but now that its done and over with its hilarious. The show only run for two nights, well its a a low-budget college production. So low-budget, the cast comes up with our own costume with the help of the costume department of course. I don't mind. For my role as the dramatic, bimbotic and somewhat slutty-ish Pink Lady I got to buy a brand new awwwwesome skirt and a silky bathrobe. Tee hee hee.Whhhhhat? It wasn't shopping per se, it was for school. I swear.

Its funny now looking back knowing that the only reason I auditioned for the show is for shit and giggles. I went in reading for the role of Rizzo, the leader of the Pink Ladies. I sucked at that by the way. Ironically they call me for the 2nd audition and then at the 3rd one they asked me to read for Marty. The next day, one of the producers called and said I got Marty. I was like "Thank you......... Who's Marty?". Then I asked them why I got Marty and he said "Because we think you have stage presence and quite sensual."....................cue LOLwalrus!!

Whatever dude.

I got the role.

Being bimbotic is really no problem. Years of making fun of bimbos comes in handy when playing Marty. And being slutty also is a no biggie I just need to release the inner slut within. The Constantly Dramatic One, as you might noticed, have always had a somewhat slutty side lurking underneath. A repressed slutty side because of good breeding and circumstance.........But I swear to God, if I don't have the upbringing I have.......maaan......

You probably would guess by now that that Tweety bimbo that I was consistently bitching about is part of the play too. Its extremely painful to deal with her day in and day out for the last 6 weeks. Furthermore we're suppose to be buddies on the show. Stupid bitch never comes to rehearsals on time, always making excuses, every one of the cast is off the script at least 1 week into Opening Night she still fumbling her lines during the final rehearsal. Tell me you don't get pissed too. And remember my now infamous Weakest Link post? Yeah, I was right.

Opening night rolls in and she was indeed the weakest link. Bitch fumbles her lines, cant emote with her face (she has only one look on her face - the vapid and bimbotic look) and most of the audience cant hear shit what she was talking about. And guess what, according the lecturers who came that night, the Constantly Dramatic One was the crowd's favourite. Heard that Tweety? You know why was I the crowd's favourite? Because I come to rehearsal on time, I remember my cue and lines, I can emote with face - I do not hold on exclusively to the vapid and bimbotic expression that you seems to favour so much and the best part of it is that when I was doing all that I was jacked up on painkiller for my toe meaning I was "out of it" a bit. The Constantly Dramatic One was the Crowd's Favourite bitch and you're the one who had acting classes. Not me.

I am soooo glad that this is done and over with. I had some good times during the production. Funny moments during rehearsals, in-jokes we shared, going shopping for costume, tripping over each other during dancing scenes, bitching about Tweety with some of the other cast who cant stand her either and hey, its a great feeling knowing that you delivered, did not fumbled your lines on stage and made the people laugh and of course becomes the Crowd's Favourite as opposed to the Weakest Link. But really, if you tell me that I have to spend another day with Tweety, to force myself to smile weakly at her, to be civilized with her for the sake of the production, I will buy a gun from the nearest pawn shop and shoot you dead centre in the forehead.

That bitch is stupid okay. And please do bear in mind that when I say that, I had my share of dealing with Indonesian maids that have never been in a big city and they use words that I can barely understand. Compared to Tweety, everyone of them can win the Nobel Prize. If there ever an award for stupidity being given out like the Academy Awards, then I will campaign that those awards should be carved in Tweety's likeness coz she is the dumbest person that have ever walked God's Green Earth. Now I'm looking forward to the day that when I pass her in the hallways. I no longer have to smile or be nice to her. I can just plain out be bitchy and show her how much I hate her. But I guess when I do that she probably wont get it. Coz she is just that stupid.

Anyways, Im happy that the production was a success, that I was good on stage, that I do not need 27 years of therapy from this but most off all no more Tweety for the rest of my life...... The sweet life without stupidity. Bet you guys wanna see photos. Fo sho. Next post would be the Rehearsal photos, Opening Night photos and finally the Backstage: Before and After photos. Wait for it.

..................................And if you wanna know who Tweety is then spot the bitch with the vapid and bimbotic look on her face aaaaalll the time.

You're Only as Strong as Your Weakest Link

I wanna hurt you. I really, really wanna hurt you. You stupid fucking spoilt bitch. I am so angry. So fucking angry.

15 days. 15 fucking days.

We have 15 days to go and you still dunno what the fuck you are supposed to. I know what I have to do. I am bringing it. I know what and when and how to do it when I need to. Why can't you? You stupid fucking spoilt bitch.

Listen Tweety, I dealt with your whole need to talk like a retarded 4 year old. I have dealt with. I dunno why the hell you wanna do that for but I have dealt with that. It doesn't irritates me anymore. What irritates me is your laziness. And the fact that you give excuses for your laziness.

Oh I cannot do this coz my knees hurts.

I'm not dressed properly coz my knees hurts.

I dunno what to do coz my knees hurts.

There's only so much you can use with the whole knees thing, okay you stupid fucking bitch. If it hurts so much than why do I not see you on pain killers? If it hurts so much than why can you do your cutesy little skip in front of me.

You are a fucking spoilt, lazy little bitch.

Huney wake up. You're in college. You are not at home. At home you can get away with this shit. In college there is a certain thing called responsibility. I am sorry that your parents never teach you that. I know my responsibilities and I don't shun them. My parents, they love me but they kick my ass when they think they need to do so. I'm sorry that your parents never see that need and pamper you so much until you become an irritating little spoilt lazy bitch that do not understand the concept of responsibility.

Its called doing your part. Its called coming prepared. Its called not giving excuses when you are too lazy to not know what you need to fucking do. This project is going down in flames coz you are a stupid bitch that does not give a damn. We work as a team. We present as a team. A team is only as strong as the weakest link. You are currently our weakest link. You are taking us down in flames.

I refused to let you do that and that's why we are going to have a little talk the next time we meet up.

You fucking spoilt lazy little bitch.

There's a thin line between girly and fucking annoying

A lot of people have told me that I am somewhat girly. "Girlier than most, but not in the irritating-girly-kinda-thing." And I guess they are kinda right. Somewhat.

I have a penchant to have at least one pink item on me everyday. If its not my top, then its my bag. If its not the bag, then its the shoes. If its not the shoes than its the lipstick. And if you can't see any pink anywhere on me, then its a safe bet that my bra is pink that day. I call my friends "sunflowers" as a term of endearment. The girls have dealt with it, the guys still cringe coz "It's just too gay". I am not ashamed to admit that I love the Spice Girls, Britney or the Sugababes..... and I consider Linkin Park "hardcore". I love cupcakes, I think action movies are ridiculously boring, I am attached to my stuffed toys, Marilyn Monroe IS a style icon, I adore movies that make me cry, I spend waaaaaaay too much time on Polyvore.com creating fashion sets and I wish my car is pink instead of blood red.

So yes. Girly. Somewhat.

But just because I am somewhat girly that does not mean I cannot kick your ass.

So there's this chick right. She's girly. Waaaay girlier than the Constantly Dramatic One. The first time we met, she told me that she likes my outfit. It was pink. The second time, she asked me if she could braid my hair. The third time we met, she started baby talking with me.

What. The. Fuck?

This bimbo, I am gonna make an educated guess here that she is at least 18 years old to be in college and she started baby talking out of nowhere. We are involved in a project that require us to be in each other's constant company for the next 6 weeks, and this bitch started speaking baby talk. With everyone who is involved in the project. It's like she came in completely normal and then middle of this whole thing she decided that she is too cute for words that she started baby talking. Observe the vocab:

"But but, I dunno its wike that. I would reaaaaaali reaaaaali try wike better."

" I wuv you, I wuv you soooooo soooooooo much" (while hugging her own fucking shoes).

"OMG!" (not Oh My God people, as in the letters O.M.G out loud. Bitch speaks in acronym).

And every time she deliver these, she would always have her head tilt to her side, her lips pouted, made her eyes bigger and speak in a voice that she presume is cute. It is not cute. It is the most annoying piece of shit I ever had to encounter in my life. If my shoes are not as expensive as they are, I would take them off and beat the living shit out of her with it when she does that.

I am gonna assume that you are capable of speaking in coherent sentences. I am very sure of this since I have seen and heard you done it before. You are girly, I know that. You also think that you are cute. Which sadly, you are mistaken. And in attempt to be cute, you decided to speak in that retarded way of speaking to drive home the fact that you are indeed, cute.

Huney....it doesn't work. You do not come across as cute. You come across as a spoilt brat who sadly.... is retarded in the head. I am sorry for your parents. But then I am sure they are already aware of this. My condolences nonetheless.

And the whole fucked up part of this is that I will be stuck with you for the next 6 fucking weeks. And in this 6 fucking weeks, we are going to have to meet up for at least 4 times a week. And in that 4 times a week, at least a two hour session each. That's 8 hours of listening to you talking your retarded language and trying to be cute. That's 8 hours of trying not to roll my eyes at you. That's 8 hours of talking to myself out of pulling your lips as you pout them. That's 8 hours of feigning friendliness your way because I want to maintain a good relationship - for the good of the project. 6 fucking weeks. I dunno how I am gonna achieve this when you are making it so fucking difficult.

Now maybe somewhere along the way, someone have told you that when you tilt your head to the side, pout your lips and speak all baby-ish, this would make your cute. This someone could have been your boyfriend. I'm sure that its not annoying when you do your baby talk with him. He might have dug it. But then let's take into account that he also has a penis and he probably was sticking it in you the whole time. He has benefits of listening to you speaking like you are retarded in the head. He was getting some.

Newsflash bitch: I do not have a penis.

I gain no benefits whatsoever from you deperately trying to be "cute" and "adorable". You on the other hand do gain something. You gain my pure, unadulterated loathing, a blog post dedicated to your bimbotic pursuits and the topic of interest to my sunflowers when I describe in detail how much I want to inflict bodily harm on you over lunch.

And when I do meet up with you next - and I will be doing a lot of that in this coming 6 weeks - you better not say anything along the lines "OMG! I made a boo boo".

Because huney, I will end you.

And I'll make it look like an accident.

You made a what now?

So today I was in college right.... I mean that's what I do, the Constantly Dramatic One is a college student. I was dressed like a college student, I was carrying college books, I was thinking of my assignments when I received a text message from a friend saying that they all hanging out at the study area. Basically the study area is the 4th level of the building where students go to chill in between classes. Plus it's fully air-conditioned and has wireless. Good times.

When I got this message I was at level 1 meaning I have to climb the damn stairs to get to level 4. Usually I opt for an illegal ride on the emergency elevator but today, today I was channeling 80es Jane Fonda and I wanna feel the muscle burn. Yes, I will. I will feel it burn as I drag my giant ass all the way from the 1st floor to the 4th floor. Feel it CD, feeeeeel it buuuurrrrn.

By the time I got to third floor I was basically huffing and puffing and there were too many goddamn stairs. I was cursing it under my breath when I heard a thud and there was a cry from some chick. Apparently some chick has fallen on her ass. Yeah, okay. Funny shit but it happens. I bet her ass is hurting but I was too preoccupied with the pain in my kidney when I heard what she said next:

"Ouch! I made a boo boo!"..............................................................................................................................................................................

....................................................................................................

What in the fucking blue hell bitch?!!! You made a boo boo? I almost trip up the stairs listening to your impressive vocab! I almost made my own boo boo. Are you seriously fucking with me? Excuse me? You made a boo boo? What the fuck?!!

Okay let's recap. Bimbo landed on her ass. Bimbo hurt her ass. And then she proclaimed to her friends that she made a boo boo?...............................Excuse me? I am in college aren't I? Where there is actually a grade point average to be qualified to enroll? And you said you made a boo boo? Whhhhaaaaaaaaat?!!! Seriously listening to those words coming out of your mouth has lower my IQ by 78%. I am amazed that I could even type this shit out right now.

I look at you and I'm thinking you're what? 19? 20? That means you are old enough to have your reproductive organs to be working. That means you are old enough to actually expend your vocab while you were living your life in the past 18 or 19 years or so. I mean, this is just guessing work but I'm gonna make an educated guess that in the past 18 or 19 years or so that you would have pick up something to read. Like a cereal box.

Seriously. What kind of piece of shit remark is that? "I made a boo boo." I understand that you might be embarrassed seeing that you landed on your ass in front of people. I understand that you feel the need to cover that embarrassment. Unfortunately your need to cover your embarrassment is that for you to act cute. And for you to act cute is for you to use babyish words like that. Sweetie, I got news for you. Once you hit the 10 year old mark, using the phrase "I made a boo boo" is no longer cute. It just makes you seem retarded. While we're on the topic, did you Father drop you on your head when you were a baby coz that would explain things.

And also it wont pissed me off to the core knowing that the girls that I share my tertiary education with are a bunch of weaklings that like playing it dumb to get guys attention. So you fell down, it’s embarrassing. I get it. Pick yourself back up, says it hurts and then hold your head up high. Don't be a fucking retard by using dumbass words like that.

Today I am embarrassed to be a woman. You know why? Because of you. Because of your need to act helpless and cute when shit like this happen. Feminism is set back by decades by bimbos like you who likes to play dumb. And while we're at it, lemme guess your role model is Jessica Simpson right?

Welcome to the new term

So it has begun...the going to class everyday. The staying up until 3 in the morning to finish up pending assignments. The self-inflicted-brain-torture trying to figure out a catchy/awesome/doable thesis statement. The anxiety attacks before presentations. The planning of outfits to wear to class as to not be upped by those skinny, annoying bimbos that frolic around on campus ground. In other words-

Welcome to the new term

It's a good place to be...some of the time.