This day was made ossum by my birth

The Constantly Dramatic One is now officially 20-something. Ha! As if I let you people know how old I am.

Anyways, feel free to wish me love and adoration and make fun of the fact that I'm old and scaring me with the notion of grey hair. Yes Zikri, I'm talking to you. Also please begin your comments, birthday wishes, worships with:





"Her Ossumness the Constantly Dramatic One"



and ending with





"OMGWTFBBQ!!! I luv U!!!"

Failure in doing so would end in me rejecting your comment.








Also if you don't feel like commenting OR wishing me a happy and joyous birthday OR to offer to build me an altar of adoration for my fabulousness but instead would like to leave me a hate comment, please begin like so:








"Fat bitch I hope you die getting run over by a truck"








Please also include as much usage of the word "fat", "obese", "bitch" and "sayang" as much as your heart desire. If you feel like insulting my mother, father, granduncle, adopted half-brother, second cousin thrice removed, golden hamster and even the imaginary unicorn named Gustav that lives in the mountain plains of my own world of make believe- well go on ahead. You can also proceed to remind me which month this is according to the Islamic calender (hint: it's Ramadhan). Whatever rocks your world.








On my birthday, I would like even creatures that have nothing to do other than trolling people's blog, creatures who did not get enough love as children and basically creatures who are just so much inferior in the ossumness of my presence- happy. For you see, not only is the Constantly Dramatic One is fat, obese, dramatic and ossum, but I am also kind. More so to creatures that have so much time in their insipid little lives to read my blog and then leave amusing little hate-filled comments. It's okay. Nothing wrong with wanting to share my glory, sayang.








Plus, I love the ATTENTION. But…. you know that already kan sayang? Now revel in the ossumness of this day that is my birthday.








hugs, kisses, a pat on the head and muacks especially for my sayang,


her Ossumness,


the Constantly Dramatic One

Update (Sept 22nd 2008)

Sayang, where are you? Don't you want to remind me that I'm fat and that you want me lose weight so that I wont be hideous anymore? Also I've forgotten what month this is according to the Islamic calendar. Can you let me know again? Puuuuuhhhhllllllleeeaazeeeee.........*bats eyelashes kawaii style*

I'm waiting for your reply with bated breath sayang! Miss you already!

Muacks!

PSA

Regular postings of 3 posts a week on alternate days will be back to usual after Ramadhan. I'm sorry that I have been neglecting this blog for a while but I have been really tired lately. It's hard to be witty and dramatic when you're super tired.

Also Blogger is being a fucking bitch. I've wrote two epic pieces and it did not fucking auto saved and all is lost. I really wanna be pissed off about this but I'm tired, so I'm gonna go to sleep now. But I'm going to go to sleep all angry and shit.

Also, I'm emo. Turning a year older come Sunday. Pretty soon I'll get wrinkles. And then before I know it, I'll wake up one day to find that I am in the winter of my life. I would have to cover the mirrors in my home with bedsheet so that I would not have to see how haggard I've become....assuming I have mirrors. At the rate I'm going, I'm gonna end up living in a box. Who majors in Digital Videography if they don't have a stupid wish of ending up living in a box?


Apparently, I do.


So anyways one year older. Very emo now. Meh.

the Constantly Dramatic One's Shit List: Part 1

I have absolutely nothing to bitch about. No, nada, nothing. And this pisses me off. Like really. I am pissed off with the fact that I have nothing to be pissed off with. And with that I am starting a new section in Dramatic Musing, only to be used when I have nothing to bitch about. I'm calling this "the Constantly Dramatic One's Shit List" otherwise known as the section in which I bitch and rave about things/person/situations/shit that I hate.





On first place on my shit list is: Cutesy Girls




Oh. My. God. I hate cutesy girls. I hate them with a vengeance I cannot even begin to describe. It's like I want to gather all of them in one room, and then I want the wall to start pressing in on them, the floor will open up and sharp spears made to hunt boars with would jut out from the floor so that not only they will be crushed to death, they will be stabbed first. I would record the sound of their terrified screams and play it every night before I fall asleep smiling knowing I have rid the world of bimbos that have set womankind back decades. Dunno what I'm talking about, let me show you it.





Example 1:





"Oh mY gOd. mE sOoOo kAwAii!! mUst makE liPs LiKE thIS. tOO kAwAii!!"





Bish plz. Just because you pursed your lips, take pictures of yourself with your fake curly hair from a 90 degrees angle, does not make you cute. Listen, I dunno if you have noticed before but you are of Oriental descendant and with that comes certain traits. That particular trait I'm talking is that you have small eyes. Let it be. Come to terms with it. Stop fucking wearing all those fake eyelashes and opening your eyes up that big. No matter how big you open them up, it's not gonna happen.





It's just like my ass. Not matter how many butt exercises I do, my ass will always remain huge. Okay? I have come to terms with it. I have stopped staring at my ass in the mirror and willing it to be smaller. I have stopped taking photos of my ass from a 90 degrees angle just too see if it looks cuter. See, I have made my peace. You should too with your eyes. Let go of the fake eyelashes and the eyeliner and making yourself look all bug-eyed. It's not happening.

And oh, FYI, life is not a Japanese Anime. You are not a fucking Japanese Anime.


Example 2:

OMG. Look at this one. Another cutesy pose. If I ever see this bimbo in real life I would smack her so hard her great great grandfather dead in the grave would be able to feel it. "Ooouuu look at me!! I'm so cute and helpless and vulnerable. Save me."

Excuse me bimbo, I don't think you might have noticed, but this is the 21st century. The age of women being rescued by men have come and gone. Stop the fucking I'm so helpless and cute act. That whole vulnerability bullshit. Because that's what the whole cutesy act is all about, you want to be rescued. Thanks so much for your effort in setting back feminism 3000 years into the past.

Example 3:

I won't throw this one in the room with the rest of the Sisterhood of the Bimbotic Tits. Oh no.......This one deserves worst. What the fuck is up with the tongue? What you tit?!! What?!!! Why is there a need for you to take constipated looking photos like this and put it on the net? Why are there so many of your damn kind in my college?

Why is it that everyday when I go to college I have to deal with you? I have to listen to your whiny voices. I have to look at you pretending that you are too damn weak to push the damn door open and that you need a guy to do that for you? Why? What is the fucking appeal in playing helpless because ultimately that's what being cute is all about. Isn't it?

I think the reason why these tits pisses me off is cause every time I see them, I see weakness. I see a group of women who enjoys, who find pleasure in being helpless and vulnerable. Their whole life is about being rescued and being taken care of by men. It's damn frustrating knowing that in this age such mentality still prevails. These bimbos ought to be shot. And I bet they cant fight back anyways cause they're so................ helpless and all.

Should be easy to get rid of them then.....

**All pictures are courtesy of this website that is full of these tits that are making my eyes bleed. Thanks to Tine who introduced it to me, who I know wants me to bitch about it.

*** Also, a shout out to Natalija who used the word "tit" exquisitely and with vehemence that I totally wanna use it too.

The New Retro

The Constantly Dramatic One is here to declare 2 things.

1) I loved cupcakes before it was cool to do so. Suddenly out of the blue everyone loves cupcakes and it's the in-thing for any parties to serve cupcakes. It's like a damn trend. People, I have been getting fatter by eating cupcakes before any of y'all are. 2) I was waaaaay into 40's fashion and them pin-up girls before Hollywood brought it back with the help of Christina Aguilera and her whole 'Back to Basics' album. Waaaaaaay before you bitches jump on the bandwagon. I just need to point out that I, the Constantly Dramatic One, is waaaay ahead of the curve and also states that I am also cooler than you. Like I'm so cool that before I pull up into any parking lot I find it immensely necessary to blast my radio so loud so that everyone could listen to my crappy girly-pop music like the Sugababes ultra hip music. Cause I'm sad cool like that. Now that we understand the fact that I am collectively cooler than anyone else, and stop shaking your head and going "Tsk tsk, poor deluded thing. Tsk tsk.", I would like to say that Vanity Fair rocks!! No seriously. Their new spread about up and coming actresses is great. All them beautiful ladies have been style like the pinup girls of the 50es. The hair, the make up, the poses is just glorious. I'm practically salivating looking at these photos. God I love pin-ups. And to top it all of, some of these shots are a real tribute to some of my favourite pin-up artistes, Gil Elvgren and Alberto Vargas most famous works. Check it out! Original: Gil Elvgren New Retro: The pose is dead on. Original: Gil Elvgren. The New Retro: This is one of my favourites! It seemed to be one of the more accurate re-enactment. From art to reality. They even styled her hair according to the original. The position of her legs, the gift box, the lingerie are all the same.....it makes me ridiculously happy. Original: Gil Elvgren. This happens to be one of my favourite pin-up girl picture. Ever. Her legs, her shoes, the garter and especially the expression on her face is priceless. New Retro: Love it!!!! An updated version but still true to the original. Also the fact that the heels matches the apples on the desk is priceless. My only problem with this is that it looked to photoshopped as compared to the rest. She looks plastic, not human. Original: Gil Elvgren (?) The New Retro: Actually to tell you the truth, this particular picture is based on another pin-up girl art. I remember seeing one of those before but I don't have the original in my collection. That one is exactly like this but the thing is I don't have it in my collection. Anyone else does? Original: Alberto Vargas. This is actually one of Vargas's most famous work. The New Retro: I hate Hayden Pantyliner for reason that is too long for me to type. I mean, seriously. Loathe her. The only reason I stop watching Heroes is cause I can't stand her. And I don't even have a thing for that Milo guy. I just cannot stand her. But in any event, this is a good homage to Vargas. Original: Gil Elvgren. New Retro: Yes, the outfit is not the same but the pose is same, no? God, I need to start shopping again and get me some high-waisted pants, start wearing more makeup a'la the 50s, and get me some bighair so I can walk around pretending to be a pin-up. Any girls out there wanna join me? Guys too, if you're into this sort of thing. I don't discriminate, bitches. For the rest of the Vanity Fair spread - there's 26 all together- go here. And since I'm feeling generous, click on the pin-up below and you'll get to see my entire pinup collection. All 295 of them. I'll leave the album public for a week so you guys just save whatever you like.

Crap.

OMG you guys. Oh no. I lost my roadtax. My roadtax died like 2 days ago and my dad got me a new one. But I lost it. I put it on top of pile of assignments on the floor and now I cannot find it. I cannot find it!!!!

Shit.

Do you guys know if you can buy/purchase/whatever it is roadtax for the same car/vehicle twice? I rather not my parents know. If I cannot find it, I'll have to get a new one. Is there like a penalty? How much is it? Shit. I should go to JPJ right? Right? Shit. Where the hell is that?

OMG. I'm so scared. Does anyone know how much the penalty is and I just show up there right? Shit. I am so dead if my dad find out. Shit.

This is God's way of telling me not to curse and pray more often. Crap lah. Malaysians get back to me. And oh I can get stopped on the road for driving around without a roadtax right? And then I'm gonna get a ticket for that right? I never ever been summoned before!! Not even a parking ticket to my name!! Okay that was that one time for speeding but how the hell would I have know they set up a speedtrap?

Shit. And please nobody leave a comment that goes "It's in the last place you'll check." Obviously, asshole. If I have already found it why the hell do I need to search some more?

Okay, shit. I'm scared. Get back to me. Get back to me. Get back to me. Get back to me. Get back to me. Get back to me. Please.