Monday, November 01, 2010

Dude...I totally need to get laid

I totally stole this from Vegetable Assassin. It is basically a list of 5 fictional characters-that-I-would-like-to-fuck-their’s-brains-outs. In not so many words, of course…But yes, that’s the point basically. The first thing that came to my mind when reading was; “Damn, 5 wouldn’t cut it.” I mean….I has been doing the nasty with 2D, fictional, non-existing fictional character in this delusional head of mine since like forever. Five is such a restricting number but I shall endeavour, ya’ll. I shall endeavour.

Coming in at number 5:

Cho Hakkai of Gensoumaden Saiyuki.

Yes, yes….I know. An anime character. Don’t judge bitches, as if you never lust after an anime character. He's my favourite of the Saiyuki gang. He's polite, well-mannered and also the sneakiest, most manipulative and unexpectedly dangerous member of the Sanzo Party. He’s the type that would be asking how your day was with a smile on his face while stabbing you in the gut with a blunt knife...for added dramatic effect. Plus, he always has a book with him and a man (albeit a fictional, 2D, non-existing one) who reads always get my heart all-a-flutter. Also, he’s kind of a nerd which I like very, very much.

Number 4:

Greg Sanders of CSI Season 1-5

I specifically mentioned the seasons cause this dude was only hot in the first 5 seasons BEFORE CSI jumped the shark. I used to be obsessed with the show. I even own Seasons 1-5 on DVD yo and after that it just went down. Seriously, someone cancel the show already. It’s just a shadow of its former glory. Anyways, Greg Sanders: the Early Seasons was a hot piece of ass. This was still during his wisecracking-nerdy CSI worshipper-lab rat days. Ah those scenes of him wearing the lab coat, spewing all those scientific stuff I don’t understand and then smiling with those dimples….ahh….good times. So you can take the buffed up, CSI Sanders of today and give me the nerdy, lab rat of years gone by any day of the week.

Number 3:

Sandor Clegane aka “The Hound” of George R.R Martin’s epic high fantasy series:A Song of Fire and Ice.

Sandor is described in the book as monstrously ugly. The left side of his face is completely burnt, either by fire...or by a dragon. A dragon burnt his face y’all! No seriously think about that. How fucking awesome is that?! He has long black hair that he brushes over the burned section of his head where no hair grows. Basically, this is one ugly mofo....but Martin weaves his words so well that Sandor is portrayed as pretty damn sexy in the books.

Okay sure he kills and pillage...and oh rapes village wenches and then kidnaps Sansa Stark, who is betrothed to Prince Joffrey Baratheon and therefore the next in line to become Queen of the Realm. I mean come on, kidnapping the future queen? That shit is badass! Dragons and queen kidnapping! I am in awe with this man.

And I’m sorry okay, maybe some villages are just asking to be pillaged and plunder. The man was burnt by dragon’s breath, see if you don’t have issues as well if that shit would have happened to you. Sure he kills people for shit and giggles but but.....the man is sexy-ugly Let me be.

Number 2:

Luke Brandon from the Shopaholic Series

First of all, the Luke Brandon of my imagination does not look like Hugh Dancy. Though Dancy is sure easy on the eyes but the Luke in my head is much manlier....with broader shoulders. Same colouring and intensity but definitely hotter. That scene in the end of book 1 where he told Becky that he was both the bidder at the auction and the one on the phone burned into my memory and my subconscious....forever and ever. Fucking romantic.

Also the Luke, in the book is such a great guy. He’s clever and capable, but he is always perplexed when it comes to Becky and her zaniness, but he continues to love her despite it all. He completely embraced the saying “Women are to be loved, not to be understood” and I love that about him.

And yes, I know he doesn’t exist. And even if he does, he’s with Becky and I bow out gracefully from that.

Number 1:

Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Still hot!! I don’t care that Buffy ended almost a decade ago. Spike is one sexy mofo and he will continue to be a sexy mofo for all eternity. Spike was the sexiest vampire ever. He kills for fun and pleasure and makes no apology about it....that was until he fell in love with Buffy and then he was all pussified. Which sucked, but at least there was more screen time for Spike.

Also Spike, other than Xander, has the best lines in the whole show. The fucker was just funny. Funny, and sexy, and dangerous and he wore leather pants. Uuumm...leather pants. Oh be still, my throbbing loins. Plus did I ever tell you guys that I met James Masters, the dude who played Spike and he kinda.....well...something kinda happened? Nope? Okay next blog post then. Mwahahaha!

Till then bitches.

And oh I’m not sure who still reads my blog but if you are reading this and you would like to do this tag and hence waste precious moments of your youth....then go ahead my friend. Go ahead.