Wednesday, May 20, 2009

No, not necessary at all.

No, I did not fell off the face of the Earth. Or died being stabbed to death in my sleep by the creepy weirdo I live with. Or lost my sanity over the workload and the crazy ass journalism assignments. Motherfucker, 2000 words essay every week is enough to make people kill okay. No, none of that. The Constantly Dramatic One is, put simply, a lousy blogger these days.

I do however wanna discuss this book that I am currently reading. A most interesting book. It’s called Are Men Necessary?" It’s basically a men-bashing book written by a men-hating feminist, but this particular men-hating feminist; author Maureen Dowd has such a good flow of words and so witty that the book is actually entertaining. It’s the age old dilemma you know. As women get more and more successful in the workplace, do they get less successful in the love department? Do men only want women they can dominate? Can women objectify men the way men objectify women? Can women get rid of the entire male population, keeps some frozen semen for in vitro fertilizations and start a more wonderful, peaceful world where men doesn’t exists at all?

Good shit.

Of course just because I’m reading this and finding it ridiculously entertaining….and recommending it to girlfriends….doesn‘t mean that I hate men. Of course I don’t. As I have demonstrated again and again….and again. I don’t hate men. It’s just a good book okay.

And as fate has it, I had a date a couple of days ago. It was with this guy…who quite frankly I’m not really into. But he’s really keen on me. And since I am a woman, and a drama queen and I do adore the attention- I told him yes. I’ll go out with him. I wasn’t even nervous. I know this sounds mean, but to me it seems more like a………….trial date until when I actually have a proper date with this cutie who I totally have the hots for. You guys would remember him seeing that this post, was indeed bout him. But yeah. Moving on.

So we went out for a movie then of course well…dinner afterwards. The conversation was going well. I was charming. He was nervous. Ball’s totally in my court. At the back of my mind though I feel bad for him cause well. I’m just not into him. I’m holding out for that other guy. But hey a date never hurts anyone right?


Until the topic turned into books. And he excitedly went on and on about this book that he is currently reading and I was like “OMG! Me too! I’m reading a good book too.” It did not occurred to me that books with the title “Are Men Necessary?” is really not a good choice of conversation topic on a first date.

Ever been a train wreck? I have. Cause I’m the dumbass who admits to reading “Are Men Necessary?” on the first date with a man. If I am on a lesbian date- this would totally score me points. With a man, not so much.

It wasn’t until the words were out of my mouth did I realize what I’ve just done. He was like “Uhhh….why are you reading that? Do you hate men?” Shit man, talk about such a puny fragile ego. The rest of the date was bad. It was just so bad. He wanted to know all about the book, I have to promised him 3 times that “No, I am not a lesbian and no I don’t hate you just cause you have a penis.” And no matter what we talked about after that, it kept on going back to the book and why I am reading it. He wouldn’t believe when I say it was just for kicks. The fuck.

Seriously. Seriously. Chill the fuck out. Omg, it’s just a book. Are men’s egos so fragile that they are threatened by such a little thing like this? It’s not like I told him “No I will not have sex with you cause you do not come up to the standard of a real man in my mind. And that’s Clive Owen and you look nothing like that.” He would probably kill himself if I did say that. It was safe to say that the date was a disaster. Bruised ego on the first date was never pretty.

And no, he never called back.

Men such as him, with such puny egos, are indeed not necessary.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

This shit is all kinds of creepy

It seems Drama Lovers that my life has now entered a brand new realm of fucked up. It has come to my attention that the aforementioned housemate has found my Facebook account. 

I have a mind that this housemate have been stalking me online. I should have known better seeing that such a person who is devoid of social skills should find refuge in the Interwebs.

After a complete freaking out episode- with no help from Farid, I might add- I have decided all the bitchings of my dwellings would be put on temporary hiatus. The bitchings. Not the postings here.

However, I am left shaken by this revelation and I am looking into another place to live in even as I am typing this. Hopefully I will be able to move out as soon as the term is over.

Friday, May 01, 2009

Russian whores, anyone?

Anybody knows where to get cheap whores in Aussie?

No, seriously.

Cheap whores. I have been looking online but they’re kinda out of my price range. I need one for Mr. Clean. After a short discussion with friends, I have come to the conclusion that the reason why he is such a mothefucking pain in my ass with his extreme control issues is cause he is not getting laid.

Dude needs to get laid. Like desperately. And soon. Cause he is irritating me like fuck. The other day he walked into the kitchen while I was making potato soup and I had an almost uncontrollable urge to whack him over the head with the ladle. I even have the whole thing played out in my head. I would whack him with the ladle and when he goes “CD! What the hell did you that for?!!” in his country hick Aussie accent, I will let out a demented laugh and whack him again. Just for kicks.

He once told me that he thinks Russian chicks are hot. Seriously, exact words:

“Russian chicks are hot!”

Fucker said that when I was drinking okay. I almost choked to death. However now that we have narrow it down to the fact that he thinks “Russian chicks are hot”, it makes my search even more difficult. I mean where the fuck am I supposed to find Russian whores in Aussie now?

Honestly people, where?!!

I cannot stand living here okay. I mean don’t get me wrong I like it here. It’s walking distance to Woolies, the library, groceries stores, a pharmacy and hair saloons. It’s great. It’s very convenient for me. But lately I have been walking in straight between Mr. Clean and Dissapeara arguing. Do you know how awkward it is to walk in into 2 people arguing with each other? You try to be inconspicuous but you can’t cause you’re holding 2 bags of groceries and you need to put all the wet stuff away as soon as possible. So I was there in the kitchen as they go at it in the living room.


That’s the first time, the second time I was in the kitchen fixing myself a sandwich when Mr. Clean came down for a drink. Then Dissapeara came home from work. Then they started arguing again. And this time I was literally in the middle. Them bitches were at either side of me. I mean, seriously. What the fuck? Are you people fucking kidding me?

I think these 2 bitches just need go ahead and fuck each other and get it over with. Just fuck already. There is a sexual tension in this house and my parents have walked me right into it by making me stay here. 

Uhhh hey guys....can you guys take that somewhere else? Kthxbai.

They argue cause they can’t fuck each other. I’m hoping that they just would cause that would give me peace of mind. But then you know….God if they do start fucking each other then it would be so awkward for me. What if they do it on the couch? Eeeewwww…then I cannot sit there and watch TV anymore.

Not there you bastards!!!!

So that bring us back to the Russian whore. Where do I get one? I’ll take her home with me. “Hey Chris! Look a Russian chick… like? You liiiiiike?” If he asked I can just say that I stumbled on her when I was wondering in some dodgy back alley without any sense of purpose. Innocent mistake…..happens to everyone.

So if any of you know where to get a Russian whore in Aussie- hit me up. I need to get him laid before I start having thoughts of whacking him with my giant loofah instead.