Friday, May 01, 2009

Russian whores, anyone?

Anybody knows where to get cheap whores in Aussie?

No, seriously.

Cheap whores. I have been looking online but they’re kinda out of my price range. I need one for Mr. Clean. After a short discussion with friends, I have come to the conclusion that the reason why he is such a mothefucking pain in my ass with his extreme control issues is cause he is not getting laid.

Dude needs to get laid. Like desperately. And soon. Cause he is irritating me like fuck. The other day he walked into the kitchen while I was making potato soup and I had an almost uncontrollable urge to whack him over the head with the ladle. I even have the whole thing played out in my head. I would whack him with the ladle and when he goes “CD! What the hell did you that for?!!” in his country hick Aussie accent, I will let out a demented laugh and whack him again. Just for kicks.

He once told me that he thinks Russian chicks are hot. Seriously, exact words:

“Russian chicks are hot!”

Fucker said that when I was drinking okay. I almost choked to death. However now that we have narrow it down to the fact that he thinks “Russian chicks are hot”, it makes my search even more difficult. I mean where the fuck am I supposed to find Russian whores in Aussie now?

Honestly people, where?!!

I cannot stand living here okay. I mean don’t get me wrong I like it here. It’s walking distance to Woolies, the library, groceries stores, a pharmacy and hair saloons. It’s great. It’s very convenient for me. But lately I have been walking in straight between Mr. Clean and Dissapeara arguing. Do you know how awkward it is to walk in into 2 people arguing with each other? You try to be inconspicuous but you can’t cause you’re holding 2 bags of groceries and you need to put all the wet stuff away as soon as possible. So I was there in the kitchen as they go at it in the living room.


That’s the first time, the second time I was in the kitchen fixing myself a sandwich when Mr. Clean came down for a drink. Then Dissapeara came home from work. Then they started arguing again. And this time I was literally in the middle. Them bitches were at either side of me. I mean, seriously. What the fuck? Are you people fucking kidding me?

I think these 2 bitches just need go ahead and fuck each other and get it over with. Just fuck already. There is a sexual tension in this house and my parents have walked me right into it by making me stay here. 

Uhhh hey guys....can you guys take that somewhere else? Kthxbai.

They argue cause they can’t fuck each other. I’m hoping that they just would cause that would give me peace of mind. But then you know….God if they do start fucking each other then it would be so awkward for me. What if they do it on the couch? Eeeewwww…then I cannot sit there and watch TV anymore.

Not there you bastards!!!!

So that bring us back to the Russian whore. Where do I get one? I’ll take her home with me. “Hey Chris! Look a Russian chick… like? You liiiiiike?” If he asked I can just say that I stumbled on her when I was wondering in some dodgy back alley without any sense of purpose. Innocent mistake…..happens to everyone.

So if any of you know where to get a Russian whore in Aussie- hit me up. I need to get him laid before I start having thoughts of whacking him with my giant loofah instead.


pattirmina said...

ahahaha. that last picture was funny. didnt expect you to put that up.

seriously i can feel the tension in the house already by reading your post.

i dont know, perhaps you can try adult friend finder? saw the ad when i other day.

benazirjb said...

get him a Russian chick a.s.a.p.

Anonymous said...

Cant help out with russian whores, but send him over south and I can hook him up with russian strippers. Two up for grabs >_<


Frank said...

Someone once asked me where they could go around here to meet mean girls.

If I knew that, I'd be there already.

Queen B said...

reading this has made our day!

very very entertaining~ XD

Cheyz said...

That's what I'm talking about CD!
The pics are hilarious..hahaha!
Luv the D.R.A.M.A...!

FarA said...

thus, a huge black dress is for making out.


Ania said...

Hm... to find a cheap Russian whore... Can I suggest Craig's List?

I use it to find apartments but hey. I'm pretty sure you can find him a whore.

winda said...

one of the things i love about your blog is absolutely the pics. I dont know how you can get the perfect picture for every post!

anyway, if you were here, i can point you where you can find the whores. But there? well, i can only send best wishes ;)

saruneko said...

I have a Russian friend!

But he's a guy. He's cool with that shit right? I'll send him over now.

Technodoll said...

You could call my ex's ex, she russian, lives in Sydney and is a total WHORE. Want her number? :-D

Anonymous said...

Grey Street St.Kilda possibly, Fitzroy Street St.Kilda used to be the red light district before such classy institutions like the Daily Planet came online so to speak.

A lot of Russian immigrants used to sit and read the newspapers in the St.Kilda library if it's still on Balaclava Road, they might be able to help.

Information only though! It might help you to know a bit of Melbourne's seedy history.

Anne said...

send one my way too!

jaak said...

Can you please arrange an Afghan whore for me through your ummah network?

Medie007 said...

wow... u can really bitch man! hahaha

3kc said...

im telling day they'll have a massive fight. and then there'll be this eerie silence and then POUNCE! they've jumped on each other. that's your cue to start running for your life...before they invite you...LOL