Wednesday, January 25, 2012


I remember how you were once.

I remember when you first came back bout five years ago. I remember you all fiery and angry. Upset with the opression, pained by the subjugation, angered by the truth.

I remember you walking tall, talking loud and standing firm in what you believed in. I remember your arrogance, your temper, your strength.

I remember it well.

Today you stood in front of me. Dejected, humbled and beaten. The world have chewed you up and spit you out.

Your life is passing before you, the years have turn you into a man but not the one you have envisioned yourself as.

Almost three decades old and nothing to show for. You took a chance, you gambled it all and none paid off.

You're down on your luck, and you can't hide it from me.

It pains me to see you this way. It saddens me to my being.

The love I bear for you is yearning for me to reach out, to hold your hand, to make the monsters go away. But the love I bear for you also know that I should not acknowledge your pain nor your defeat for pride is in the way.

Pride is all you have now when everything has gone away, when even your looks are fleeting away.

You are not defeated for this is not the end.

I wish you could see that, could see things my way. I wish you could see that you are more than the chances you gambled away. Much more than those who betrayed you. I wish you could take the pain, the loses and turn it into your armour. The armour you wear to brave throught the shitstorm that is this life.

But most of all, I wish you could see the man I see in you. The man who one day will be somebody. The man who will fight through all this and comes out on top. The man who will wear his battle scares proudly, but quitely.

The man of quite strength others stood in awe with.

Fight, fight for another day and the day after and the day after that for it is not the end.... till death comes to claim you.

And till that time comes, know that I am here. That I am here always to catch you when you fall and to propel you back up.

Wednesday, January 04, 2012


Just a short update on the cop front:

It is over. I gave him a month, and it was just not working. Plus, he was getting irritating that in the end I thought "You know what... I much rather dying alone and be eaten by the 49 cats that I will (inevitably) own then deal with this fuckkery for another minute."

So I did. Call it quits that is.

And then I went home and watch Band of Brothers on DVD. Nothing heal a non-broken heart from a non-relationship like heterosexual men doing heterosexual things while making things go boom; all while running around in period costumes.

2012 is starting with a bang, you guys. A motherfucken bang.