Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Cutting it close

I gave my 2 weeks notice yesterday.


I’m moving out of this shithole in 6 days.


I have no boxes. No movers. No car. No new address to move to.



My final exam starts on Thursday the 18th, finishes on the Saturday the 20th, my moving date is Monday the 22nd and flying back to Malaysia, 11am flight on Tuesday….the 23rd.



No exact plan. And yet I have never been happiest in my entire time that I have been in Aussie.

Finally I will be moving out of this shit house, away from the definitive embodiment of an asshole that is my creepy as fuck housemate. The shit I have to endure in this house is unbelievable. And chill, I will go into explicit detailing of the fuckery that is living in this house under his villainous reign as soon as I am out.



My things are going to be sent to my friend’s place. She has her own house so I’m gonna store everything at the garage and hope to God that rats don’t get to it. Even so, rats are much better then living here. I loathe living here. I cannot even begin to explain the extent of my despise of living in this shithole. And part of me cannot stop blaming my parents who made me stay here. It was their choice and yet I’m the one that had to endure 4 months of creepy fuckery. Wasn’t even my motherfucking choice and I was the one that had to sleep with a fucking knife under my pillow cause there’s no lock on the door and my housemate is a creepy, stalking fucktard. I’m the one that has to engage in a yelling, sarcastic, snide fights day in and day out. How easy they were bought in by his “Good boy” play and how bullshit it is that I have to pay for their naivety.



Parents don’t know shit. And it’s always the kids that have to pay for the wrongs they did.



But I don’t want to talk about it now. Too much quite, burning hatred is not good for the soul. I will though, just not now. Too much anger now.



However the reason why I am cutting it close with the moving and all is that I absolutely cannot, will not and I plain out refuse to go back to Malaysia, and then fly off to Finland to visits my sister and then come back to Aussie and see his fugly mug. I will be sooo fucking happy and relax and come back and see his face. I cannot deal with that shit man. I much rather be cutting it close. When I come back here again, I will start fresh. Find a new place and other housemates to bitch about. Or maybe to like too.



I dunno for sure. All I know is that I never wanna come back to this shithole.

So wish me luck with the packing and the exams. The next time I’ll blog would most probably be from Finland, where I will be staying for 20 days with my sister whom I have not seen since last Sept. That alone is enough to get me through the next 6 days with a smile on my face.




Thursday, June 11, 2009


I have so much to write about. So much. But I dunno where to begin or where to end or how much details I wanna give. But seeing that I have been gone for a while now, it’s only fair that I begin with the juiciest bit in my life right now:


I am dating.


Two guys.


At the same time.


It’s not like what you think. It’s more complicated then that okay. It’s complicated. Don’t judge! It’s not like I want it to happen, it just did. It’s like I woke up one day I realise “Oh wow….I’m dating two guys….When did that happened?” And no, they don’t know bout each other. Oh dear God in Heaven and Ceiling Cat…I hope they don’t. Ever. Never ever. You guys have no fucking idea how fucked I will be if they find out about each other.


Even blogging bout this is risking it.


Anyways it’s not like I’m exclusive with either. It’s just dating. Since when did dating become an exclusive club? Never, that’s right. Wait, is it? Fuck I dunno. I am physically and emotionally exhausted these days. Juggling two guys is not easy. I dunno how those Muslim men who have like 2 wives or more does it. I mean….wow. Impressive man. More power. You bastard.


So right, so one of the guys.....he’s Number One. I know him from uni. He’s geeky and sweet and adorable. He has curly hair and dimples whenever he smiles. I like him a lot. In fact he was the guy that I mentioned in my previous post, the one that I have been waiting to go out with. The thing about is that….him and me. We have been doing the whole….dance since February. That fucking long, okay. Flirting and teasing and “Oh lets meet up for coffee” thingies but not actual…..official dates.


I mean, he is fucking dense okay. I know he’s geeky but holy fuck…..dense! My friends told me to drop hints that I like him. And I have! Bitches, I have been dropping hints like Japanese fighter pilots drop bombs during World War 2 okay….and still Nothing!! He gives me all these indications that he does like me but….. nothing.


Pussy okay. Pussy.



Pissed me off. So I begun liking him round Feb, became a full grown crush sometime in late March and then when I finally could no longer drop anymore hints without coming off as fucking desperate…I gave up on him. This was like early May. I can only wait for you for so long till you realise that you like me back and grow a set.

So I was like “Fuck this shit, fuck it all.” I was tired of waiting and I am a hot blooded woman. I have needs! I cannot sit around waiting for him to like fertilize his balls and grow a pair okay.



Your loss, Geek Boy.



So this whole inner turmoil happened sometimes in May. However the moment I gave up on him romantically, my life became easier. It was like a weight has been lifted. I no longer feel nervous to call him out just to hang out or chill. When you gave up on the romantic part and decided to just become friends…..it’s easier you know.


So that was that. I wasn’t meant to be. Que sera sera.


It was about two weeks ago that I was at a house party. The music was blaring, the booze was flowing, people were getting drunk all over and I decided that it was all too much for me. So I stepped out for some fresh air. He was there. No, not Geek Boy. Number Two. He was standing alone. I smiled at him and just stood there. We kinda stood there in silence till he offered me a ciggie and I told him no thanks cause I don’t smoke. Somehow we started talking, it was good. I can hear music in the background but where we were it was relatively quiet. Well quieter.


Then I mentioned that I was hungry and as it happens there was this 24hours pizza place across the street…so we went there. It was about 1 in the morning. It was good conversation, good pizza and I had a good time till my friend called me completely freaking out cause I was missing from the party. I told her where I was and then as it turns out we need to leave cause someone called the cops and we need to leave before the cops get there. Some shit like that. It was about 3 in the morning. So I told him that I had to go…before I left he reached across the table, held my hand and asked me if he can see me again. On Monday. It was Saturday morning.



I said yes. Duh.



Then we had that date on Monday. It was good. I also found out that he is….as in turns out……is in the Army. I was like “Wait, I’m sorry what?” He was like “Oh yeah. I’m an officer too. But a low ranking one. Just a lieutenant, nothing big.”





Hoooollly fuck!!!!!!!!! You guys remember my fascination with men in uniform right? Wow bitches….dreams do come true. But I was all cool and blasé outside. I was like


“Oh wow….the army. What an interesting line of work. What made you chose it?”


What I really meant was:




I didn’t. But I wanted to. Oooohh how I wanted to….


Anyways….he was a bit of a badass. The night I met him, he had scuffles on his knuckles. When I asked him what happened, he was like “Me and my boys got into a fight with these idiots the other night. But its cool now.”




The Lieutenant……he’s exciting you know. He’s a badass. Like he has this rough, quiet, rugged…..thing goin on. And every time we go out, he always held my hand and when he’s talking and I’m not looking at him he would tilt my chin up so that I would be looking up at him.


Hot sial.



It’s soooooo difficult to act unfazed and cool around him. But I have to you know. It’s too early in the game to let my guard down. Dating is a game anyways. But wah….he’s hot. Not the way he looks. He’s average looking, but the things he does…..exciting and……dangerous. In a way. I feel threatened by him. But threatened in a very......fascinating way.



If you get what I’m sayin…..



So that’s him. We had 2 dates, not including the pizza place.


Then last week I was having a problem with my assignment, so I called Geek Boy. I mean he is dense but he’s smart with studies. He is a geek. I was on the phone with him and I was like “Hey, how do I do question number 3. It’s rather vague and it’s such a bitch. I dunno how to go about it,” He explained it to me but I don’t get it so he was like


“You know what, I’ll get out of class and go to the library okay. So that I could get online and help you better with it.”


“Oh shit. You’re in class?! I’m so sorry. It’s cool. I’m so sorry for disturbing. You don’t have to leave class.”


“It’s allright. I don’t mind. For you I don’t mind.”


I was like….okay. What the fuck? But hey, maybe’s he being a good friend. You know…..Good. Friend. So I played it cool. Like nothing happened. Then a while later he buzzes me over MSN and helped me with the question. Like nothing out of the ordinary happened.


Then I asked him if our Tuesday movie thing still on. Usually on Tuesdays, Geek Boy, MiniSkirts and I go for movies together. Just hanging out. Nothing out of the ordinary. As it happens, my friends and I was also going out clubbing that night. So I asked him to join me. He can bring friends. No biggie. Then he said, and this is verbatim:


“No, not tonight. I’m too tired from all the assignments to go out and savour every moment with you.”






I sat in front of the computer screen completely dumbfounded. I didn’t know how to react to that….like exactly. So I played dumb.



“Oh that sucks. Would have been nice to have you there.”



All the while, in the inside I was going “WTFWTFWTFWTFWTF?!!!!!”



And then we chatted some more, bla la bla and I mentioned how stress I am cause of the assignments and the coming exams and he said “Let’s meet up on Tuesday for that movie. And I’ll give you a hug to make it all feel better.”



Waaaaah, it was like he grew balls overnight. It was amazing.



So Tuesday came and I went to see the movie. I wasn’t sure that it was date. Cause it was rather vague, wasn’t it? And besides he wanted to watch an action movie. Who watches an action movie on the first date? Seriously. Anyways, any doubt I had disappeared when I saw him waiting for me at the cinema. Holding a single sunflower.


I might have mentioned to him months ago that my favourite flower is the sunflower. And that a single sunflower is so much sweeter then a whole bouquet. But I said that….like in fucking March.


Duuudeeeee…..He remembered dude. He remembered.


So we went to watch the movie and he didn’t even try to put his arm around me but we were leaning into each other. The cutest part was that, there was this one sweet moment when the hero dude kissed like this chick in the movie and since I was practically leaning against him…..I could feel his heart beating like crazy. It was sooo cute. He was nervous as fuck. And then after a while…..he moved his hand and held mine and he wouldn’t let go all throughout.


I was like “CD, what the fuck are you doing? What about the other dude?” But another voice is saying you know, it’s only dating. And it’s not like its exclusive. And you did like him since Feb….and then you gave up….and this shit happened.


So. Much. Drama.


Then before the date ended, he asked me when he can see me again. And he just stared at me with these eyes…..and it was like a little puppy. It was so cute. I told him Friday. Let’s meet up again on Friday. This was on Tuesday. He smiled and he said “Good, cause I wasted too much time already.”


Geek Boy has got all the lines bitches. All the lines.



Then when I got home, The Lieutenant called.



“I want to see you again. Are you free on Friday?”….and I said. “No, I made plans. Let’s make it on Thursday instead.”



I honestly do not know what I’m playing at.