I'm racist. You're racist.......So what happens now?

Disclaimer: The following post deals with issues concerning racism. It could be hurtful to you. It could also piss you off to the point of wanting to track me down and kicking my ass. So if you don't feel like reading an extremely long post in which I ponders the issue of racism in all my pseudo-intellectual glory, then don't. Unlike the real world; freedom of choice still rules supreme in the blogsphere.

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Let's be honest here, there is a bit of racism in all of us.

If you can honestly say that you are not racist, at all, then you my friend are a liar. We are all racist. It comes with the upbringing. When we were growing up our parents, our relatives, the people of our own race who associates with us......well they inject a certain something into our subconscious. It is called ""racial superiority". The case in which we view our race, our people as better than anyone else’s. This shit is like Sociology 101 yo.


Now how we are going to deal with that racism is up to us. We can choose to remain being racist or we can choose not to. Me? I have selective racism. It is shameful. It is wrong. I should get my ass whooped for it….but then you know, no matter how ossum you guys think of me, I am still but human. A constantly dramatic human, but still human.



You wanna know who I am racist towards? Chinese teenagers. Yes, do I hear uproar out there? Yes of course I do. But please before flooding my comment box with hate comments, let me just get some points across. I am not racist against all Chinese teenagers; I am only racist against those supa kawaii ones. The ones who find the need to emulate Japanese street fashion, to be anime themselves, the ones that wear top to bottom pink, the ones that talk like fucking bimbos……and those are just the girls. The boys, God the boys are another story all together.


But I do notice that this damn fucking annoying anime/Japanese/Harajuku behaviour are most of the time attributed in Chinese teenagers exclusively and because of that I am racist towards them. Please note that I am not racist towards the Chinese, just the supa kawii ones. I have Chinese friends, I watch Chinese movies, I think Lee Hom is a hot piece of ass and remember geek boi of which I had a………..sex dream of? Dude’s Chinese. How’s that for not being racist against the Chinese?


The second group of people that I am racist towards are white people. Yeah I know. Contradictory ain’t it? Am I not the one who goes on and on about how I wanna bang Clive Owen’s within an inch of his life? And clearly, he’s white. Do I not idolize Kelly Clarkson, and look at her- she’s white! Am I not blogging in English, which we Malaysians recognize as the language of white people? I mean go anywhere in Malaysia and speak a bit of good English and you’ll probably get comments that go along this line: “Berlagak lah tu, sebab pandai cakap bahsa omputih.”

Let me explain. I am not racist towards all white people. I am only racist towards white people living in Malaysia. Now I dunno whether you guys notice but white people living in Malaysia, most of them, they think they are so much more superior than we the locals. Cause they’re white. Just because we are all brown and suddenly they’re white in the sea of brownies, they think they are so much superior to us? It does not help that most Malaysians cannot escape the colonized mentality and view them as better than us. And because of this, white people in Malaysia think they can take advantage of us. They can skip queues, get discounts and bla fucking bla just cause they’re white. They think they can get away with anything, just cause they’re white.

Shit pisses me off.

And no, my selective racism is not limited to other races only. I am racist against my own people too. Malay people. Yeah I know, I am here to declare that yes that the Constantly Dramatic One is Malay and I take an active role to not be associated with people that I deem to be “too Malay”. The ones that I like to label as “kampong”. I mean the ones that only want to watch Malay movies, religiously watch "Akademi Fantasia", go for those damn "Sure Heboh!" bullshit. Yeah….those. I am racist towards them.


I view myself as more modern, liberal, hipper Malay whereelse they are the outdated, boringly traditional and kampong Malays. They in turn, do not view me as a modern, liberal or hip with a positive spin to it….They look at me and think that I’m a skank for not dressing in the typical Malay fashion, and that I am going to burn in Hell for being me. They also accuses me of bringing shame to the Malay community for being “liberal”. They are as racist towards me as I am to them. The cyle of hate that comes with racism is a vicious one.

So you see, I am racist. I will not deny it. But I am selectively racist. I do not blindly hate a group of people just because what I heard or because I have been thought that my race is “supposedly” superior when compared to everyone else’s. I hate them for reasons that make sense to me. So does it make it okay for me to hate?

Of course not. It’s hurtful.



I’m sure what I wrote about being racist towards Chinese teenagers have angered…well Chinese people out there. I’m sure what I said about white folks would lose me my international readers and I’m sure somewhere out there some Malay girl is reading my blog and going “Oh dia ingat dia bagus sangat lah sekarang? Betina sial.”…or you know something along those lines. Because let’s face it. Racism hurts.

So why am I bringing all this up? Why am I airing my racism out to the world? Because, I just recently encountered such blatant racism myself. I encountered it from someone who I think of as a friend. I thought he was cool....then I stumbled upon his blog and I found these gems:


“……………Waiting for the other guy, he stood there, the book in hand, and the place it below his lip and on his chin, the way you would place your fingers below your lip when you're thinking. OMG, the bloody Malay idiot. I just wanted to slam his face along with the book into the counter repeatedly. If he wants to get that personal with my book, let him have the whole shebang, I'd have shoved it up his ass if it didn't interfere with morals... and laws against assault.

Unfortunately for me, the book was the only one they had. Argh, kill kill kill. And if anyone wonders why I believe majority of Malays are uncivilised imbeciles that I wouldn't trust to even be my slave, let them go spend a night with Mr. Bookaphile over there.

Genocide, here we go!”

And this:

“…………show me a malay who seemingly doesn't exhibit traits of imbecility and/or incivility, and I'd prove you wrong.”


I mean, wow. Can you guys just feel the racism in that? At first I was shocked; I always thought he’s a cool guy you know. He doesn't show his racism in real life but every other post is about how he thinks Malay people should be rendered obsolete. Once the shock is over, I became extremely angry. And I just wanna track him down in college and kick him in the balls. I did. Then I thought of attacking him in my blog and then it occurred to me that……….wouldn't that be totally hypocritical of me?


I sure am not as racist as him. I do not want to commit any genocide and no I will not hold it against his people for the things he said………. but to judge him on his opinions of my people, his racism, when I’m in turn is racist too? That’s just wrong and shallow of me. But just because I can think sensibly about this does not mean that his words do not hurt. And that’s what racism is all about. They hurt, they anger and all that’s left is hate.

I have stopped being angry with him. I have also decided to stop being his friend. I don’t think that I could associate myself with someone who clearly looks down on me just because of my race. But of all things that I take out of this, most of all…is pity. I feel sad for him. If you read his blog and if you know him in real life as I do, he is a very clever guy. Quite witty too. But that’s just so much hate there..... I do not know where this hate for Malay people comes from. I do not know whether it is justified. I do not know. What I do know is that, it’s such a damn shame to have so much racism and hate in someone as young as he is.


We are all racist in our own way. It's just a question on how far we let the racist in us go. Do we let them dictate the way we think or view a person of a certain race without any justification? Or do we hold on to our racism but accept a person, albeit begrudgingly, if they turns out to not be what we have envisioned? Are we happy to lead our lives with all these hate and in turn pass it down to the next generation? Could we ever live in a world in which there is no such thing as racism, be it individually or institutionalized? Will the cycle of hate, unjustified suspicions and blind arrogance ever end?

I understand the idea of choosing a part of yourself to be the centre of your being. Gay people wear their homosexuality with pride. It is what defined them as individuals. I choose my dramatic antics to be the centre of my being. The thing that defines me as an individual. But sadly for him, instead or choosing his cleverness or his wittiness or a thousand other good qualities that he has as a human being.....he instead chose his racism to be the centre of his being. The thing in which he defined himself with as an individual.

He wears his racism with pride.

And that is the most saddest, heartbreaking thing I have ever encountered in my entire life.

Does my brown skin offend you?

Right, so I have been bitching about this for weeks to everyone that would listen. Now its time to put fingers to keyboard and blog about it.


There's this mentality in Malaysia, the whole of Asia come to think about it that fair is good. Fair is beautiful. Everything white is exquisite and any other thing that isn't white is fug. Okay, maybe not in those terms. I watch TV, I flip through magazines and newspapers and I cannot recall a moment in time when I was not bombarded by some kind or other beauty product that promises "Fair and radiant skin in 30 days" or "Whiter and fairer skin, he would never let go of you now" or some kind of bullshit with that kind of premises. A promise of whiter skin in a bottle for non-white Asian women to feel better about themselves. I never really care about it.


Until now.


My moisturiser is finishing up. I give it another 2 weeks and I would need to buy a new one. I am not happy with the current one so I figure I finish that off and get a new product. So I walked into a store that prides themselves on facial regime and skin beautification. A salesgirl came up to me and asked me what I wanted. This is what I said:


"I'm looking something for my face. I have combination skin. Slightly oily T-zone, not that oily that the oiliness could be captured in pictures but oily enough for my nose to be all shiny under the light. I have dry patches on my cheek but not so bad but what I'm concerned most is the open pores, the size of the back of needles along my cheekbones. Any recommendations?"



People, it does not get more specific than that.



From that what would you tell me? Perhaps you would recommend the pore control regime, or maybe products specifically for combination skin. That bitch however feels that its a brilliant idea to introduce me to their skin whitening range.


Exactly.



"Why are you showing me this?"
"Oh this is our skin whitening range. It can make your skin fairer."
"What wrong with my skin?"
"It's not fair."



.............................Years from now, this is the moment when that bitch would look back and wished that she would have given me to one of the other salesgirls.



"Oh, my skin is not fair? That's a problem now? I do not recall having brown skin is ever a ...."problem". I remember perfectly well that when I came in, I highlighted that I have combination skin and open pores. At no point did I mentioned that I hate the colour my skin and would like you to suggest your skin whitening products to me. What is the logic in recommending skin whitening products to someone who has combination skin and open pores?"



I said all this without ever raising my voice. I said it all in a low, strict voice and I did not brake eye contact. My mother does this all the time when she's angry with me. The woman never yells, but she speaks in a quietly fierce way that seems to scare people. Over the years I have come to mimic it and achieved similar results. At this point of course, that bitch looked scared.



She didn't managed to answer anything. I'm sorry that I picked on her though. I bet that just what she's trained to do. I'm sorry that she had to deal with me. Now no offence to anyone who is into this whole whitening thing. I mean, go crazy. I on the other hand thinks its offensive.

Why would I want to put some magical cream on my face so that my skin would be whiter? That I would be beautiful once I become white? And isn't that shit weird when only your face is white when the rest of your skin - your neck, arms, legs would still be brown? What the fuck is that? Why is that when I walk into a skin care store; I am being told my brown skin is a flaw. Why the fuck should I use that cream and become white? No disrespect whatsoever to white people of course. I mean no offence no anyone. I am just perplexed.

What is so wrong with coloured skin?

It's not just in Malaysia, in India poor girls are buying face creams that promises them that their skin would be fairer. But some of the chemicals are untested and dangerous. They ended up with disfigured faces and some even went blind. All just because some time ago a group or marketing fucks dictated that fair is good. Fair is beautiful therefore we all must. What ever happen to pride for your skin colour? Why is that we Asians want to become fairer? I went to Thailand and I see the same shit in their shopping marts. Singapore and Indonesia going through the same shit as well. Why do Asian people wants to have fairer skin? What's wrong with our skin now? Colours make the world a more beautiful place. And yes, that includes our skin too.


I never would have guessed that when I was born bout 2 decades ago, my brown skin would be a flaw and make me look fugly. Well.... tough. I rather be fugly than change the colour of my skin.