Close encounter of the creepy kind

We shall begin today, with where Creepy-Ass Gym Dude (as he will hereby be known) left off. So he came by last Sunday and wanted to hang out and I told him no, like all in his face y'all. It should have been noted that when I said that...his face changed. Not scary changed, he just look utterly surprised. That was all, and after that he didn't come around (that I know of) which gave me a relatively creepy-assholes-free existence for an approximately 3 days until Thursday rolled in.

I was at the shopping mall library when I saw someone I recognise vaguely as one of his housemates. Here in Aussie, they have libraries in the shopping malls and the libraries are pretty kickass. You can borrow DVDs, CDs, audio books, magazines, foreign language media, video games (PC, XBOX, PS 1,2,3 and Wii) on top of the usual books and they're all free. You don't even need to pay to get a library card, you just need a valid Queensland address. That's all. Malaysia should get on to this- stat.

So I was in the library at the fiction books section when I saw the guy whom I recognised vaguely as his housemate. I certainly have seen the dude coming in and out of the house by the gym before. So me being me, completely panicked cause I assume Creepy-Ass Gym Dude would be there and I was not wrong. In like another second he appeared and they were making their way to the DVD section. And I was like “He didn't see you, be cool. Be cool.” Of course I was telling myself this while I was also trying to hide behind the bookshelves and sort of walk run to the furthest bookshelf from the DVD section. Once I got there I just crouched down on the floor and stared intently at the books that were in front of me. The thing is, the titles didn't made sense at all and I cannot figure out why they were not making any sense. But that's beside the point.

The point was, there I was, a grown woman, crouched on the floor, trying to hide from some guy. The fuck? Come on! I am better than this. I am woman. And as a woman, I can take whatever that life throws at me, throw some glitter on that shit and sell it over eBay for 5 times the cost. Cause I am woman. So I stood up, grabbed a random book of the shelf and just started thumbing it. So what if he sees me? I will not be cowed...despite him knowing where I live and all that. I know where he lives too! So there! So what if he's creepy?! I'm bitchy. I can handle this. I am badass. I am woman. All these shit was goin on in my head as I furiously thumbed the book like it owed me money or something. Then a voice asked me;

“You're not Japanese...”

It was some kid in school uniform.

“No I'm not. Why?

“But you can read Japanese...

“Huh?

“Isn't that a Japanese book you're holding...I just assume could read Japanese. Cause that would be cool.

Oh....that's why it was not making any sense....

“I'm Malaysian. Everyone from Malaysia can read Japanese. It's in our learning syllabus.”

The kid looked thoroughly impressed.

“Yeah...I need to go now anyway. Konichiwa.”

Totally pulled that out of my ass man. So what if I was not totally un-frazzled? I am woman. I will rise above this. I did however...stayed in the library for another hour after I made sure the coast is clear...so that I won't bump into him in any other part of the shopping mall.

You bitches can stop sniggering now.

Things were fine until Leigh* asked me to go the gym with her. Up to this point, I have been avoiding the gym like a plague. Leigh is my 23-year-old Australia housemate. She is, by far, the sweetest person I have ever met in my entire life. She is also, the nerdiest. I kid you not. The woman has been on the Dean's List since her first sem and she studies Biomedical Science. That shit is not easy, and to be on the Dean's List every damn sem is quite a feat. Fuck, I study Journalism which is chicken shit compared to what she is doing and I'm not even close to the Dean's List man. She's very clever, but also very shy and timid. It took me about 10 days to coax her into talking to me when she first moved in. At first I thought she was an arrogant bitch cause she won't talk to me but then whenever I talked to her, said hello or whatever, in the early days,she would smiled shyly at me before scurrying into her room. Like a mouse. Bitches don't smile and scurried, they give you dirty looks, ignore you and model strut into their room. I have now managed to get to talk to me...and now, she doesn't want to shut up. I swear to God. Sometimes my brain hurts from her chatter, but I don't mind.

“Leigh, I don't wanna go to the gym...Creepy gym asshole would be able to see me.

“But I'll be there. You won't be alone. Plus, what about that whole “I am Woman” thing you spewed when you came home just now?”

Ah for fuck's sake...

It was with heavy trepidation that I followed Leigh to the gym that night. Things were okay for the first 10 mins, I felt semi-relaxed....until Creepy-Ass Gym Dude showed up. I am fucken with you not. The dude showed up. I am woman...but I freaked out like shit. Inwardly, of course. I was controlling my facial features but I was screaming bloody murder inside. He came in, looked at Leigh who was on the elliptical and completely avoided my eyes. I was like “Okay, okay...it will not be awkward if you don't make it awkward. Be cool CD. Be cool.”

So I continued running while Leigh continued with her one sided chatter, oblivious to my drama. And the whole time, he continued being in my view but avoiding my eyes and I was avoiding looking at him. It was fucken stupid. High school never ends people. He was doing all kinds of push-ups and abs curls and bla bla bla. I don't want to say that whole show was for my benefit but um......

1. There are so many weight training equipments in the gym, why are you not using that asshole?
2. Why are you doing push-ups and abs curls, shit you can do on your bedroom floor but you chose to come to the gym, and in my full view?

Sometimes my life is so stupid, I just wanna give up.

Then he moved to the back of the gym where he was actually using the equipments, and considering the fact that I was running on the treadmill and all the equipments are facing the treadmill, I'm just gonna make the assumption that he was also looking at my ass. Do you know how fucked up it is to be running and to have someone creepily stare at your ass? It is fucked up. Then the whole time I was on the treadmill, I keep on telling myself to go faster than usual cause I wanna show him that if he ever chase me as prelude to killing me and then mutilating my body and then burying me in concrete at a construction site, he will however, need to chase me first. Which is tricky, cause he's an athlete...and he runs track.

See, I know there are bunch of young athletes living in the complex. I seen them train and I have spoken to some of the girls who's on the team and they told me that they been placed here for their training. They don't work, they don't study, they just train. I seen them around with their coach sometimes and I know they go to some high tech gym over the other side of the town. The girl that I spoke with have been to 2 Olympics and 3 Commonwealths I think. I'm not sure. But they're athletes and they do track. Creepy-Ass Gym Dude is one of them.

So that's why when he showed up last night, I was all spooked. Why do you come to this stupid apartment gym when your government is paying for you to go to some state-of-the-art gym? Amirite, amirite? Ah creepy. But yes, I can't run as fast you but I still run asshole. I can still run. Also I don't get it, I'm not even hot. If I am totally hot, I would get this but I'm not which brings me to my other theory:

Have you guys heard of this well jock thing, that when their team is in a bad state, one of the jocks would find a fat chick and have sex with her so that they could get out of their losing track or something. I never heard of it, until I come here. But yes, its like sports superstition. Take one for the team aka have sex with a fat chick and then your losing streak would be over. Seriously! Have you not heard of this?

I'm fat. I wear a size 14 AU/UK. He's a jock. Think about it...cause I reckon this is what it is all about.

I left the gym without looking at him and as soon as we got home Leigh went;

“That was the guy right?

“How could you tell?

“There was a seriously weird vibe when he came in.”

I wish he would just find another fat chick for him to get over his sports funk or whatever cause this is irritating me. It's not fair. He has his fancy athlete gym, I only have this one. I should have custody of this one.

Asshole.

Creepy assholes need not apply

I am freaking out here people.

I know I have been gone for a looong time and well, life happens. To get y'all up to date: I have now gone on an epic quest to become a bonafide runner. I have done three 5ks so far, signed up for my first 10k next month and if all goes to plan, I will be running my first half-marathon (21.5km) in July during the Gold Coast Airport Marathon. And for all that, I have been hitting the gym quite hard actually. Like.....90 minutes sessions 6 days a week. And that's just cardio, we're not talking about strength training yet. I abhor strength training by the way, but it has to be done. It would help me with the half marathon and the full marathon at the end of the year.

Which brings us to our actual story here.

The gym that I go to is my apartment gym. It is not one of those fancy schmancy Fitness First-type gyms. It is just equipments, open 24 hours a day for residents, comes with the rent and well, situated in a glass bubble in the middle of the complex, overlooking the pool. I feel like a fish every time I workout cause of the glass walls.

Our story begins last Friday while I was hitting the treadmill hard. I try to walk/run (cause I am not such a good runner yet) at least 7km a day...sometimes 10km a day when I feel like it. I run outside sometimes too but it is autumn now and it has been raining a lot here in Brisbane...I really could not be bothered. So I was on the treadmill in my aquarium gym, it was completely empty but for myself when this guy came in. He smiled. I nodded. Then he started saying something and I was like “What now?” I honestly do not know what he was talking about cause I was trying not to die here. Running for me is that fine line between pleasure and eternal death. Gotta concentrate so that I don't keel over and die whenever I run. Obviously, this fucker did not realise that.

Dude went on and on and I honestly do not know what the fuck he was saying. I was like “Um asshole, can you not see I am trying to workout here? WTF?” But obviously I didn't say it, I was more like “Uh huh” to whatever he was saying. I did get bits and pieces of it, mostly along the lines:

“Oh I see you in the gym before.

“Uh huh.

“You come here quite often.

“Uh huh.

“You really workout huh?

“Uh huh.

“So I see you tomorrow here round this time?

“Uh huh...wait what?

“I see you tomorrow.

“Uumm...uh huh.”

And then he left, which I was thankful for. I finished my workout and then it occurred to me that dude was trying to chat me up. And that was just ridiculous cause when I go to the gym, I always, consistently look like shit. We're talking old shirt, faded pants, sweating buckets, flushed cheeks and just gross all around. And who the fuck chat up girls on the goddamn treadmill anyway? And I was like okay, that was weird and that was that.

The next day I went to the gym round the same time and he wasn't there which I was thankful for. Finished my workout and as I was leaving the gym, he came running out of his house waving at me. Turns out he lives in the house right NEXT TO THE GYM. Which kinda make sense at that point. And he was like

“Oh I thought I come see you after you're done...

“Okay.

“So what are you doing tomorrow?

“Uhh.....”

“I'm just gonna walk you home okay?

“Umm...this is where I live.”

Like, the gym is probably a minute walk away from house. So we kinda stood awkwardly in front of my place. The thing is... I have noticed him before round my area cause he's kinda hot. But in a threatening kinda way. There are 2 types of hot: The first being men who are just hot cause they are good looking (ie: Orlando Bloom) and the other type is that they're kinda have a dangerous vibe to them (ie: Clive Owen), kinda like a bad boy. This guy is of the second type. He's about 5'11, slim, muscular, really nice arms.....but its kinda messed up cause one arm is pretty much all covered up with tattoos. And y'all know how I feel about tattoos. He's hot when I seen him around from afar, but now that he was standing in front of me, with his tattoos and shit....it is intimidating. And threatening.

“So I'm going in now...really nice meeting you again *Tyler.”

He just stood there like I was supposed to invite in. WTF? I just met you. Again, awkward. Then he said

“Okay I'm just gonna talk with my boys and I'll be back okay?”

After that he just left, he didn't really give me an option. I was like “Did that just happened? Did that guy just invited himself to my place?” And of course, I freaked out. I texted like 3 of my friends

“HOLY SHIT! SOME GUY FOLLOWED ME HOME FROM THE GYM! HOLY FUCK! CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THIS!! I MIGHT BE DEAD ALREADY!”

Set the police hotline to my number 1 speed dial and literally just barricaded myself inside my bedroom for the next half an hour...and he didn't show up. So I thought it would be safe to go out to the kitchen cause I was really hungry at that point. Just as I was starting to cook, he knocked on the front door and the shitty thing is that my kitchen is right next to the front door. I can't actually hide now can I? So he stood there looking expectantly at me and I felt cornered....I invited him in. I should not have done so but I felt cornered. I was also, well frightened to a certain degree cause I didn't know how he would have reacted. So he came in and it was really tense, well for me. He seemed really relax and I was on the edge of my seat especially cause the house was empty but for the two of us. Both my house-mates were out. One went home to her parents' place, the other is spending the night at her boyfriend's so, yes, I was edgy. Thankfully my phone kept on beeping and ringing cause of the message I mass texted to my friends so I was like “Look! You cannot kill me now cause people know you are here!!!”

At one point he even said “You look so tense, I have a bottle of wine at home. Would you like me to bring it here?”

ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?!!

He could have just said “Oh yeah, I totally wanna get you drunk so I could rape you when you're out cold.” Would have cut out all the bullshit right?

I finally managed to fake a very important phone call from Malaysia and told him to go home. Before that he was still like;

“Right, so what are you doing tomorrow?

“Movie with a friend. He wants to watch that new war movie.

“Oh what time is that?

“I dunno yet.

“What about at night?

“Going out with my girls.

“What about Sunday?

“Uumm.......church.”

He stared at me while I try to keep a straight face. Church, my ass. I'm not even Christian dude. Then I said

“Look, we live here. I'm sure we would bump into each other someday. I really need to take this call now.”

And he left. It was strange...and I am creeped out by it. On Saturday, I did went out with the girls and then on Sunday round 6pm he came knocking again. The shitty thing was that I was sitting in the living room watching some creepy-ass movie so when the knock came, it scared the shit out of me. And again, I was alone. No house-mates. I answered the door and he was like

“Hey what are you doing?

“Watching a movie.

“Should I watch it with you?”

Seriously, that's what he said. How pushy can an asshole be? And I said

“Um no, I'm planning to get some work done after this. So no.”

He looked surprised so I went on.

“So I'll see you okay?”

And closed the door. And that was that. I wonder if he got the message.

I'm kinda creeped out still. What if he comes around again tomorrow? I mean, he knows where I fucking live people. My house-mates are back but still....And this probably means that I can't go to the gym anymore cause then he would know when I'm home, right? This is bullshit!! All I want is to do is workout in peace. Is that too much to ask for? For fuck's sake man!

Plus, I dunno what he wants but he's coming on too strong. Coming around whenever it suits him. WTF. I don't even know you. It's creepy! Like he could at least ask for my number so that he can call before he wanna come around. Not that I would give him my number, but it won't matter cause he KNOWS WHERE I LIVE. It's scary. I'm creeped out. It's okay if he's not coming on too strong but he is. Plus, he's in a no-win zone anyway with those tattoos.

Looks like I have to start running outside tomorrow and the weather forecast says it would rain.

This is bullshit.

Dude...I totally need to get laid

I totally stole this from Vegetable Assassin. It is basically a list of 5 fictional characters-that-I-would-like-to-fuck-their’s-brains-outs. In not so many words, of course…But yes, that’s the point basically. The first thing that came to my mind when reading was; “Damn, 5 wouldn’t cut it.” I mean….I has been doing the nasty with 2D, fictional, non-existing fictional character in this delusional head of mine since like forever. Five is such a restricting number but I shall endeavour, ya’ll. I shall endeavour.

Coming in at number 5:

Cho Hakkai of Gensoumaden Saiyuki.

Yes, yes….I know. An anime character. Don’t judge bitches, as if you never lust after an anime character. He's my favourite of the Saiyuki gang. He's polite, well-mannered and also the sneakiest, most manipulative and unexpectedly dangerous member of the Sanzo Party. He’s the type that would be asking how your day was with a smile on his face while stabbing you in the gut with a blunt knife...for added dramatic effect. Plus, he always has a book with him and a man (albeit a fictional, 2D, non-existing one) who reads always get my heart all-a-flutter. Also, he’s kind of a nerd which I like very, very much.

Number 4:

Greg Sanders of CSI Season 1-5

I specifically mentioned the seasons cause this dude was only hot in the first 5 seasons BEFORE CSI jumped the shark. I used to be obsessed with the show. I even own Seasons 1-5 on DVD yo and after that it just went down. Seriously, someone cancel the show already. It’s just a shadow of its former glory. Anyways, Greg Sanders: the Early Seasons was a hot piece of ass. This was still during his wisecracking-nerdy CSI worshipper-lab rat days. Ah those scenes of him wearing the lab coat, spewing all those scientific stuff I don’t understand and then smiling with those dimples….ahh….good times. So you can take the buffed up, CSI Sanders of today and give me the nerdy, lab rat of years gone by any day of the week.

Number 3:

Sandor Clegane aka “The Hound” of George R.R Martin’s epic high fantasy series:“A Song of Fire and Ice”.

Sandor is described in the book as monstrously ugly. The left side of his face is completely burnt, either by fire...or by a dragon. A dragon burnt his face y’all! No seriously think about that. How fucking awesome is that?! He has long black hair that he brushes over the burned section of his head where no hair grows. Basically, this is one ugly mofo....but Martin weaves his words so well that Sandor is portrayed as pretty damn sexy in the books.

Okay sure he kills and pillage...and oh rapes village wenches and then kidnaps Sansa Stark, who is betrothed to Prince Joffrey Baratheon and therefore the next in line to become Queen of the Realm. I mean come on, kidnapping the future queen? That shit is badass! Dragons and queen kidnapping! I am in awe with this man.

And I’m sorry okay, maybe some villages are just asking to be pillaged and plunder. The man was burnt by dragon’s breath, see if you don’t have issues as well if that shit would have happened to you. Sure he kills people for shit and giggles but but.....the man is sexy-ugly Let me be.

Number 2:

Luke Brandon from the Shopaholic Series

First of all, the Luke Brandon of my imagination does not look like Hugh Dancy. Though Dancy is sure easy on the eyes but the Luke in my head is much manlier....with broader shoulders. Same colouring and intensity but definitely hotter. That scene in the end of book 1 where he told Becky that he was both the bidder at the auction and the one on the phone burned into my memory and my subconscious....forever and ever. Fucking romantic.

Also the Luke, in the book is such a great guy. He’s clever and capable, but he is always perplexed when it comes to Becky and her zaniness, but he continues to love her despite it all. He completely embraced the saying “Women are to be loved, not to be understood” and I love that about him.

And yes, I know he doesn’t exist. And even if he does, he’s with Becky and I bow out gracefully from that.

Number 1:

Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Still hot!! I don’t care that Buffy ended almost a decade ago. Spike is one sexy mofo and he will continue to be a sexy mofo for all eternity. Spike was the sexiest vampire ever. He kills for fun and pleasure and makes no apology about it....that was until he fell in love with Buffy and then he was all pussified. Which sucked, but at least there was more screen time for Spike.

Also Spike, other than Xander, has the best lines in the whole show. The fucker was just funny. Funny, and sexy, and dangerous and he wore leather pants. Uuumm...leather pants. Oh be still, my throbbing loins. Plus did I ever tell you guys that I met James Masters, the dude who played Spike and he kinda.....well...something kinda happened? Nope? Okay next blog post then. Mwahahaha!

Till then bitches.

And oh I’m not sure who still reads my blog but if you are reading this and you would like to do this tag and hence waste precious moments of your youth....then go ahead my friend. Go ahead.

Un-friending Facebook

I’ve quit Facebook.

No seriously. For the time being. I do not know how long. I will be back though; I have exactly 1,451 pictures as well as 35 albums on the site. Have to transfer all that before I could completely quit it.

The decision to do was at first out of necessity- ie: shitload of assignments, getting to distracted with cyber stalking people etc. It was supposed to be a temporary thing. But now that I haven’t logged in for approximately for 12 days, and suffering no drawbacks, asphyxiation or hives from lack of wasting time on said social network....I am actually feeling really good about it.

I’m tired of the fuckery that goes on it.

I’m tired of people from my past that I never liked and never wanted to have a thing to do with sending me friend requests out of nowhere. I mean, honestly asswipe, I didn’t like you then, what makes you think that I would now? I’m tired of people sending me friend requests without even a cursory “hey” on my wall. Thanks so much for making me part of your loser-rific never-ending quest of looking super awesome online by having lots of “friends”. When I see people with 90 friends or something, I immediately think “at least dude is keeping it real” but when I seem someone with 500+ something friends and I’m like “Wow. Douchebag.” I’m tired of random guys from Romania trying to add me just cause I look “hot” on my profile photo (which I no longer have the option to hide from people who are not my “friends”. Thanks for that Zuckerberg).

I’m tired of people blowing up their own ass.

“Oh wow, the job interview went so awesome and obviously I’m the best candidate cause it’s me!”

“Should I buy the Mercedes or the Lambo? With my new pay, I could certainly afford both. Lol.”

“Me and the hubby are now in Cannes! It’s so glamorous. Next week Milan!”

Fucking blow me assholes.

I’m tired of overzealous religious people on FB.

“Allah is always in my mind, my heart, my soul. Alhamdullilah.”

“Jesus is the way.”

Now this would have been okay if I did not just saw you wearing a low cut top that drop down to your navel last week with boobs all-galore. Was Allah in your mind, your heart and your soul as you sat on the bar, boobs all hanging out while making out with some random guy? And oh, did Jesus showed you the way last night when you were fucking wasted out of your mind and still wanted to drive home on your own? Did Jesus said it was okay to drive that car after you knocked back 7 shots of whisky? Did he?

Pretentious fuckwits.

I’m tired of people from my past going “Wow, you look so good now...considering how you used to look like in highschool.” I mean, whoa dude, kudos for the backhanded compliment. That takes some skills. And yes I realize high school for me was 5 years worth of bad haircut. I still cringe looking at the photos. What in the fucking blue hell was I thinking? But wow, asshole. Thanks but no thanks.

I’m just tired of it all. Maybe this is me being old. Me being in my quarter life crisis. Or maybe this is just me just sick being reminded of my fleeting youth whenever I log onto that site. I am at that age where my goddamn school friends are getting married, left right front and centre. Goddamn wedding invitations every other week. The girls I went to school are not discussing the price of wedding planners on their walls. A part of me is slightly jealous that I have no one, but a bigger part of me is repulsed that they dare to get married Before establishing careers they could be proud of. But then feminism is about choice. And if they choose to settle down now who am I to say anything? And then I become completely ashamed for feeling that motherhood isn’t a good enough life choice, after all, my mom chose to be a homemaker and raised me. And then I feel guilty about it....and its all very conflicted.

And the fuck up part of it is that it’s all in my head. When I said quarter life crisis, I kid you not, bitches.

Also I met a guy the other day. We talked. It was nice. Then when it was coming to an end he asked me “Can I add you on Facebook?” Gone are the days of “Can I have your number?” Or maybe that’s just me. When I told him that I’ve deactivated mine, he stared at me like I’m insane. This is how it is. You need to be FB friends to “get to know” the person before actually “knowing” the person the traditional way. FB creepin is the way into the future folks.

I guess it’s good that I no longer have one. Make me slightly unique in this digital driven world. Or just a loser.

A loser in the midst of her quarter life crisis.