Thursday, April 09, 2009

Clean, my ass

Well hello there, here we are back again at yet another instalment on Dramatic Musings in which I bitch about Mr. Clean. Otherwise known as the Australian-fucktard-I-live-with. Well then, settle in, get comfortable and enjoy the post.


See, I dunno whether I mentioned this before or not but when I moved in here I was told by the Australian-fucktard-I-live-with that there are a set of rules in which I am supposed to abide by when living in this house. The rules are as followed:


1)     No guests stay over more then 2 nights in a row. In fact he would prefer it if I bring no on home at all.


See I am totally cool with this rule. To tell you the truth I kinda like it cause it gives me the privacy that I crave and it would stop people from always wanting to crash at my place. Also, I have never mentioned this before but the bedrooms doors in this house have no locks. Only the front door, the backdoor and the bathroom have locks on the door. See this is a house based on the “Concept of Trust” or some fuckery right that. The rule is thart when you leave the house, you don’t close your bedroom’s door. You leave it wide open. When you’re home, you close it. It works as a signal too. And the system works to certain extend cause I have lived here for 2 months now and none of my stuff have gone missing. So yeah, okies.


2)     No dishes stay out all night long.


It’s more of a hygiene issue. You wash the dishes as soon as you used them, leave it out to dry and then keep them at night. So no dishes stay out at night. Sometimes once a while I don’t keep mine or the other 2 do the same and it’s cool. As long as you keep it the next morning but the ultimate thing is that no dirty dishes in the sink.


3)     “Don’t come home late at night, if you need to come home at 3am you might as welll don’t come home at all.”


He said that to me. I told him seeing that I am paying the rent which technically makes this house my house as well, I come home anytime I want. I’ll keep the noise to a minimum.


4)     Don’t turn on the music or TV too loud.




5)     No showers above 15 mins or we have to pay extra.


I take one hour showers everyday, I told him I’ll pay the extra. Stupid fuck. I blame my parents for making me stay here.


6)     People have to do chores according to the duty roster.


Okay so the house has a duty roster. Dissapeara and I share one bathroom, and le Fucktard has the master bedroom. So let me break it down to you.

Dissapeara and I take turns washing the bathroom and vacuuming the top floors cause its carpeted on alternate weekends. This has changed now seeing that she hates vacuuming and I hate washing the bathroom. So now she does the bathroom every weekend and I vacuums.


The downstairs floors is not carpeted. So on alternate week, either on Weds or Thurs, Dissapeara and I take turns moping and le Fucktard does it over the weekend. Cause over here we wear shoes inside the house and the floor get dirty real fast. So the floors get done twice a week. Supposably.


The kitchen, well its understandable that you should clean up after yourself after you use it. Wipe the hot plate, the counters, the microwave, what not.


We have a lawn. Le Fucktard supposed to mow it once it gets unruly.



So basically those are the rules, in a nutshell.      


Last Sunday, while I was doing the laundry, I noticed that le Fucktard was in the kitchen making sandwiches. Fine, then about an hour later after I’m done hanging up my clothes I noticed that he did not clean up after himself in the kitchen. There are bread crumbs on the counter and unwashed dishes in the sink. Fine, I was feeling charitable so I wiped the counter and did the dishes. Sometimes this happened. People are late for class and then all kinds of shit happen and did not clean after themselves. After I’ve cleaned up after that asshole, then only I realise that it was Sunday. And there’s no class on Sunday.


Fine, shit happens.


Then same shit happened on Monday and I’m like…okay. Interesting. Then on Tuesday the dishes piled up. I asked Dissapeara and she said it wasn’t hers. And then microwave dinner boxes started turning up all over the kitchen counters. Le Fucktard didn’t even bother to fucking throws it into the bin. See, after the whole fish-incident…I have stopped buying TV dinners and now I just cooked for myself. Plus those things taste like crap. Dissapeara cook for herself too and the only one who eat that shit is him. See now I am getting pissed but I have not bumped into him and I’m like “Maybe he has exam and is just stressed out. Maybe his mom is sick. Maybe maybe maybe….” Then this morning I went downstairs for breakfast and lo and behold what should greets me in the morning but his leftover TV lasagne on the kitchen counter and apparently a bunch of ants have made their home there overnight. No seriously, imagined lasagne that was left overnight. And then ants swarming all over it. It was disgusting. I could clean it, I could but I just pour myself a glass of orange juice and drink it while watching the ants have a mighty feast over that lasagne.

Then I washed my glass, went upstairs and knocked on his bedroom’s door.

Die stupid racist fuck! Die!



It was about 9 in the morning. I woke him up cause I could hear him grumbling as he gets up and walk towards the door. The fact that I woke him up made me happy.



 The moment he opened the door I was all smiles.


“Hey Chris*, did  I woke you up?”


“Yeah, you did.”


“Good. We need to talk.”


“Bout what?”


“Are you okay? Are you sick or something? Do you have an exam that you are stressed about round the corner?”


“No, why?”


“Cause I thought that might be the reason why you have not been pulling your weight around here. The reason why you haven’t done the dishes or clean up after yourself in the kitchen.”


“No I just don’t want too.”


Le Fucktard totally said that.


“Oh, and why is that?”


“Cause Tanya* haven’t done the floors.”


Seriously, he said that.


“She done the floors yesterday.”


“Yeah but I told her to do it before and she didn’t and I won’t do my dishes because of that.”


See what I have noticed that le Fucktard is a racist bully that thinks he’s better then Dissapeara and I just because he is white. The thing with Dissapeara is that she doesn’t fight him back so he walked all over her and make her do shit.


“So how does that make sense? She doesn’t do the floors and then you don’t do the dishes and we all live happily ever after? See Chris, the lawn is getting unruly and one of these days snakes are going to move in and call it their home cause you haven’t mow it. But you don’t hear me or Tanya making noise about it or see us not cleaning up after ourselves and leaving the kitchen in the disgusting mess that it is just cause you don’t pull your weight around here.”


He just shrugged.


“Listen we are all busy here. Tanya works. I have assignments, just because we can’t do the house chores on time doesn’t mean we are not going to do it. We do it. We are all adults here, not a bunch of 12 year olds playing the blaming game. Seeing that you just woke up you wouldn’t know that a whole bunch of ants are downstairs in the kitchen, having a feast with the lasagne you did not clean up last night. Now you see, I don’t like that.”

“I don’t like it either.”


“Then why do you do it?”


“Cause Tanya….”


“No. This is not about Tanya. This is not about her. This is us talking now. This is about you being immature and trying to put the blame on someone else when you are the one not pulling you weight around here. When I decided to move in here, I was led to believe that this was going to be a clean house. That people actually respects each other in this house. And quite frankly, with the way you have been acting I feel that I was lied to. By you. And I don’t like being lied to.”


“No CD, why don’t we talk about this later. When all of us are home, when Tanya is home.”


“Good. Tonight then.”


I did not yelled when I talk to him. I was calm, I spoke slowly and I did not once broke eye contact. Fucker. After that I went out. Wah I am damn pissed off okay. There are so much shit I hate about him. He is very condescending towards me. He thinks just cause he is white he is better then me. Fuck that shit. I let it go for a while but the ants were the last straw. Fuck that. Tonight I’m gonna say it all to his face. When I got home bout an hour ago, the kitchen was clean though. So I’m happy bout that.


Tanya’s home now. I asked her in the kitchen just now if she wanna have the talk with Chris. She said she didn’t’ want too. She wants to go out with her boyfriend. The woman doesn’t like confrontations. I thrive on it. I’m waiting for her to leave the house and then I’m gonna call Chris and we gonna have our “talk”.


Stupid fucking asshole.


Queen B said...

YES....finally some real, entertaining drama to read!!

we feel happy~

joshua said...

You The WOMAN, CD!!!

RESPECT, like completely! That's totally standing up for yourself, your rights and your comfort at home!

And be gone with these racist twits! Damn!

Hope you either settled it well or I think you'd be happier with other housemates.


RB said...

Well done...I would've picked the lasagna up with gloves, knocked on his door, and once he opened the door..slam it into his arms, and casually walk away.

Anne said...

I would have headbutted him.

But then, that's just me. I'm off my knocker most of the time.

Here's a good time to use those boxing lessons though :P

Cheyz said...

Good one CD!!..cant wait for the next drama.. :)

NoktahHitam said...

Woa! You nailed it!

The easiest way was to shove all his mess in front of his room. But since there's no room locks, you can just stuff em inside. Let it stink like shit.

Waiting for the follow up, must be interesting! ;)

farid said...

ummm, you know what? you should leave pads all over the house and let him clean it up. seems like a really fun game.

Tinesh said...

Ahh I see that Vito has imparted good knowledge into you. Proud of the fact that you threatened him without really threatening. You're learning well my young padawan.

Soon, we shall take over the businesses around the area and could I please have the liquor warehouse and the porno shop to run?

gypsy-on-the-move said...

Phwoar!! My respect towards you now have gone one level higher. I wouldn't even have the guts to do that!

jaak said...

On a different note, how is the job hunting going so far?

saruneko said...


senorita.. said...

i'll be the imaginary cheerleader when the confrontation happens. u go girl!!

ロザリザ said...

i vote for belasah sampai mati. hahaha.

evie said...

I can't wait to read about the results of the "Talk"

Zikri said...

i knew he was a dick right from the start
cut his dick

Frank said...

I hate living with roommates. I'm pretty much the only one who does any cleaning around this apartment. I always find my roommate's laundry in the weirdest in the kitchen, and I once found a half-eaten bowl of soup on top of the water the closet...where it had gotten all moldy.

So what did I do?

I cut off their internet connection :)

Michelle said...

I love it! I love you! Can't wait for the follow up, you're going to scare him. I hope he doesn't pee in his pants!

faye said...

i like farid's idea. hilarious :D

Peter Varvel said...

le Fucktard has serious control issues. He may be white, but he has a HUGE stick up his ass, and not in the good way either.
He needs to re-fucking-lax.

Gorilla Bananas said...

A real man would do everything he possibly could to make his female guests feel comfortable and appreciated (in the hope it might get him laid).

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Queen B:

I iz happy too. (That's lolcat speak) =p


But that's the thing though. With the exception of him, I like living here. I like the neighbourhood, the area, the ambiance...I just can't stand him.



OOOuuuuuu good one. But I hate ants and they might crawl all over me. Yucks.


If he ever becomes too much, I would whoop his ass. Fo sho.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


Not much of drama I'm afraid. *sadness*


Next time he does this kind of shit, I would totally do that. Ass.


Hahaha! But no, I am not a juvi like him. I respect the fact that there is another person who lives with us here.

Still a pain in the ass though.


Good, leave the casinos for me to run. Haha =D

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


Babe, not gonna lie lah, I was pretty nervous when I knocked on his door. After that....I was on a roll =P


The job thing is not going so good. Also, I can't do that. I have never model.


When it does happen, I would totally keep you in mind. Heh.


Already did yo.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Kak Oja:

Hahaha! Ganaz....


Sadly....its a disappointment. Le sigh.


Yeah, you're like a jedi. Can predict the future and all. Haha.


Ooouuu good one. I am impressed.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


He probably thinks I'm a total bitch. But then, he is an asshole.


You people are juvenile. Haha =P


Totally agree with EVERYTHING you said. Totally.

Gorilla Bananas:

Then in that case, this dude will never get laid for the rest of his life.

quin browne said...

wait, you thrive on confrontation??

who knew?

Wilfredo said...

When all else fails, try murder. You don't have to actually murder him, not really. I'll give you a freebie. Take a knife, let him see you going into the drawer and pulling out the a badass knife and then slash (preferably at the throat) at him but not too fast, so that he can get out of the way, and say things like "stay still, dammit," or "c'mon, I'm doing you a favor," he'll finally catch on.
It worked for me when I was a kid and I was surrounded by bullies.
It's a suggestion.