Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Me and Bitchface McGee

So I got a new housemate.

Her name is BitchFace McGee.

Okay, that's not her real name. But it sure as hell fits her better than whatever her real name is.

She moved in here into the extra room last Thursday, round 9 in the morning. Now the reason I can be super specific with this is cause I was at the kitchen making honey glazed carrots for breakfast. That's right, I make fancy healthy, vegetable dishes for breakfast.

Yes, I am more awesome than you. Let it go.

So the story goes on, I was cooking and someone begun unlocking the front door. Then she came in...and this is literally my first sight of her:

Both hands full of stuff, a cigarette hangin of her lips reminiscence of the Landlady from that Stephen Chow's movie, and beer belly sticking out of her shorts. Like her shorts were falling of her, what assume is her hips, and her gut was just sticking out for the whole world to see.

It wasn't pretty.

And woman just walked in the house, guts all hanging out and not saying anything at all to me. Like I was completely invisible. I was so shocked, all I could managed was;

“I'm sorry, what?”

And then she looked over, gave me a once over, and then went:

Oh I'm moving in here. Do you live here?” dumbass. I randomly brake into peoples' houses and make fancy breakfast using their stoves.

Um, yeah.
I'm Michelle*.
CD. Where's you're from?
Britain. But my boyfriend lives in house number 9, that's why I'm here.”

How is that related?
God, everything about her was trashy. Like just white trash you know. I mean maybe I was being judgemental and shit...but if you came in waltzing into people's house without even a hello and your beer belly sticking out.....I'm just gonna make the assumption that you are indeed, a white piece of trash. Also, she reminds me so much of Vicki Pollard from Little Britain, it is insane. Not the way she talks...but the way she looks. And huney, that is not a good comparison.

So that was the first encounter.

Then that night her boyfriend came to help her moved in. They had a lot of shit so I was like “Oh do you need help with that?” and I just kinda helped carry some stuff inside the house. Not much but I figure since we gonna live together, might as well play nice. While I was carrying one of the stuff, I was like “Oh this is quite heavy” and her boyfriend, whom I met but 5 seconds ago went oh “Michelle keep her sex toys in that” like all jokingly.

Right. I just met you. I just met your gf this morning. And you are already making a sex joke with me?


When I woke up the next day, the front door of the house was opened, so I closed it. Then a little while later, it was opened again and I figured out it was her and she's didn't close the door behind her. And the same shit went on for like 3 days, woman just went waltzing out of the house and leaving the front
door just.....opened. I mean...what kind of a fucking idiot leaves the house without closing the door? It is not a tall order people. Close the door after you fucken leave. It is pretty basic. I It was weird. So when I saw her next I was like

“Hey Michelle, do you mind closing the door when you go out?
“When you leave the house, close the door behind you.
“I didn't?
“No, you didn't. And its been goin on for days now.”
“So close the door after you, okay"

I said all politely and nice and the woman replied

“Yeah yeah yeah” in that annoying dismissing way and literally just walked away.

Fuck. This is karma. When I was a teenager, I talked like that to my mom aaaallll the time. Fuck man, this is definitely karma. It was infuriating. I kinda wanted to fly back to Malaysia at that exact moment and beg my mom for forgiveness and be all like

“I'm sorry mom!! I'm sorry for being such an infuriating piece of shit! Please forgive me! Pleaseee! I've learned my lesson from this piece of white trash I'm forced to live with!!!”

However, me being me, wouldn't let that slide. So I slammed the door behind her. I just slammed it. Perhaps I shouldn't have done that...but if bitch thinks she can just walk away mid conversation with me, she better think again. If she wanna play this game, I could play this game. I could play this game better than she ever could.

And after that we just ignore each other inside the house. Just plain ignorance. No “hey”. No “How are you?” Nothing. It is weird. She hasn't even been here a week and she already made an interesting fodder for conversations. And the thing is, when she met Leigh for the first time, she just looked at her and then walked back into her room. I mean, wtf? You gonna live with us but you don't even acknowledge us? Weird right?

She has friends all the time, in her room but I'm so weirded out that she made no effort to get to know the people that lives with her. It is weird. Like she just came in, decided to be outright rude to people she is living with and that's it. I'm not saying we all should be best friends but civilized at least? But I wouldn't know...I'm not well-versed in white trash culture.

It is still not a problem...for now anyway. She's rude but she's not obnoxious. So far, the house is still clean, her friends are confined into her room and she's not in my face. If she is, well...she'll find out.

Looking forward to that actually. 


Peter Varvel said...

HA HA HA HA HA! I'm sooo going to start calling people that, "Bitchface McGee!"

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

We're renaming the whole world that now!


Laila said...

I had to live with JerkFace McGee all year last year it was horrendous weh! Tak pernah basuh dishes, high on bong EVERY single night, stinks the whole flat, leaving the door open, smoked in kitchen raising the fire alarm causing us 70quids everytime and paling tak tahan screwed different girls every other night with the door half open.

Benci gilaaaaaaaa.

On the last day of term i put all his dirty dishes on his bed, threw away his weeds, pack up my stuff, balik malaysia for summer and pindah rumah this year never to see him again.

Mwahahahahaahah, take that JerkFaceeee!!!

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Mwahaha! That's badass dude.

Why didn't you soak his weed in water before you leave instead of throwing it out though? Lagi pasrah mamat tu tak leh smoke that shit. Ahahaha!

But, wow. I am totally in awe with you.

senorita.. said...

i hope something happen sooooon.



could use more drama, missed u babe!

Anonymous said...

The previous post worries me, the person you describe seems to have no meaningful personal interest in you and does not show any respect. He is also unable to pick up on signals which you are clearly showing.

A good start for him might be "sorry if I sound invasive..." it might be that in the future he learns social skills and for a start recognises who he's talking to is about 100 times more intelligent and accomplished than he is.

I think it's a good idea to show a woman you're in awe of her, at least that way she knows you're interested and controllable!

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


I know!! I been gone for waaay too long. You too are barely blogging these days, Sticks is is Kerp.

The old digital "gang" have all gone our seperate ways. *sigh*


Dude, I totally know he is after Russel Peters delicately put it..."the punani." Which is not gonna happen cause he's not Clive Owen and/or Rupert Grint.

But yeah super creepy. I no longer hit the gym you know. I try to run at the stadium now...and failing that, fitness DVDs in the living room to the amusement of Leigh and BitchFace McGee.

That's right, I do fitness DVDs. Totally 80s.

Peppered Hearts said...

Yay! You're alive! Sorry you've got such a shitty flatmate. I'm having dishes-in-the-sink-for-three-days issues with one of mine but I lack your balls. The times I've confronted her, she's like "the dishes aren't mine" even though our third roommate doesn't fucking cook and I wash my dishes right after doing them. Ugh. But way to go you, for being able to deal with that shit head on.

senorita.. said...

oh babe, i have. notty n nice has been privatised now. dont think ive added u into reader's list. ur email pls?

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Peppered Hearts:

Ah dude, you need to let her know who's boss. Cause seriously, it will only become worst with time if you let it.


Yay! Private list! It is:

Pretty easy.

senorita.. said...

ok done