Me and Bitchface McGee

So I got a new housemate.

Her name is BitchFace McGee.

Okay, that's not her real name. But it sure as hell fits her better than whatever her real name is.

She moved in here into the extra room last Thursday, round 9 in the morning. Now the reason I can be super specific with this is cause I was at the kitchen making honey glazed carrots for breakfast. That's right, I make fancy healthy, vegetable dishes for breakfast.

Yes, I am more awesome than you. Let it go.

So the story goes on, I was cooking and someone begun unlocking the front door. Then she came in...and this is literally my first sight of her:

Both hands full of stuff, a cigarette hangin of her lips reminiscence of the Landlady from that Stephen Chow's movie, and beer belly sticking out of her shorts. Like her shorts were falling of her, what assume is her hips, and her gut was just sticking out for the whole world to see.

It wasn't pretty.

And woman just walked in the house, guts all hanging out and not saying anything at all to me. Like I was completely invisible. I was so shocked, all I could managed was;

“I'm sorry, what?”

And then she looked over, gave me a once over, and then went:

“Oh I'm moving in here. Do you live here?”

Ummm...no dumbass. I randomly brake into peoples' houses and make fancy breakfast using their stoves.

“Um, yeah.

“I'm Michelle*.

“CD. Where's you're from?

“Britain. But my boyfriend lives in house number 9, that's why I'm here.”

How is that related?

God, everything about her was trashy. Like just white trash you know. I mean maybe I was being judgemental and shit...but if you came in waltzing into people's house without even a hello and your beer belly sticking out.....I'm just gonna make the assumption that you are indeed, a white piece of trash. Also, she reminds me so much of Vicki Pollard from Little Britain, it is insane. Not the way she talks...but the way she looks. And huney, that is not a good comparison.

So that was the first encounter.

Then that night her boyfriend came to help her moved in. They had a lot of shit so I was like “Oh do you need help with that?” and I just kinda helped carry some stuff inside the house. Not much but I figure since we gonna live together, might as well play nice. While I was carrying one of the stuff, I was like “Oh this is quite heavy” and her boyfriend, whom I met but 5 seconds ago went oh “Michelle keep her sex toys in that” like all jokingly.

Right. I just met you. I just met your gf this morning. And you are already making a sex joke with me?

Classy.

When I woke up the next day, the front door of the house was opened, so I closed it. Then a little while later, it was opened again and I figured out it was her and she's didn't close the door behind her. And the same shit went on for like 3 days, woman just went waltzing out of the house and leaving the front

door just.....opened. I mean...what kind of a fucking idiot leaves the house without closing the door? It is not a tall order people. Close the door after you fucken leave. It is pretty basic. I mean...wtf? It was weird. So when I saw her next I was like

“Hey Michelle, do you mind closing the door when you go out?

“What?

“When you leave the house, close the door behind you.

“I didn't?

“No, you didn't. And its been goin on for days now.”

“Oh.

“So close the door after you, okay"

I said all politely and nice and the woman replied

“Yeah yeah yeah” in that annoying dismissing way and literally just walked away.

Fuck. This is karma. When I was a teenager, I talked like that to my mom aaaallll the time. Fuck man, this is definitely karma. It was infuriating. I kinda wanted to fly back to Malaysia at that exact moment and beg my mom for forgiveness and be all like

“I'm sorry mom!! I'm sorry for being such an infuriating piece of shit! Please forgive me! Pleaseee! I've learned my lesson from this piece of white trash I'm forced to live with!!!”

However, me being me, wouldn't let that slide. So I slammed the door behind her. I just slammed it. Perhaps I shouldn't have done that...but if bitch thinks she can just walk away mid conversation with me, she better think again. If she wanna play this game, I could play this game. I could play this game better than she ever could.

And after that we just ignore each other inside the house. Just plain ignorance. No “hey”. No “How are you?” Nothing. It is weird. She hasn't even been here a week and she already made an interesting fodder for conversations. And the thing is, when she met Leigh for the first time, she just looked at her and then walked back into her room. I mean, wtf? You gonna live with us but you don't even acknowledge us? Weird right?

She has friends all the time, in her room but I'm so weirded out that she made no effort to get to know the people that lives with her. It is weird. Like she just came in, decided to be outright rude to people she is living with and that's it. I'm not saying we all should be best friends but civilized at least? But I wouldn't know...I'm not well-versed in white trash culture.

It is still not a problem...for now anyway. She's rude but she's not obnoxious. So far, the house is still clean, her friends are confined into her room and she's not in my face. If she is, well...she'll find out.

Looking forward to that actually.