Over the years, my mom and I have a very, very love-hate-semi-psychotic relationship.
There were the ups...: when we walk together in malls holding hands and bond over spending my Dad's money (a.k.a shopping) and there were the downs...: when I screamed through the door telling her that I hate her and that she said she should have stop having kids at 2 (FYI: I'm the 3rd child).
Harsh words, painful times.
But what happened recently took the cake. In everything that she said that was hurtful to me over the years, this one definitely took the cake.
I'm in college now doing Mass Comm, one day I will continue my studies abroad. My ultimate goal: Film making. It is my dream to make films one day, to see my name billed in the credits under 'Producer', its not goin to be easy but dreams are not worth it when they're easy. Dreams are more wonderful when they have to be fought, when you have to pour blood, sweat and tears into it but more than anything, you want not just you who believe in that dream, you want people to believe in that with you. For that added strength you know.
People that you love and care about, friend and especially family. But in my case that isn't so.
Had a discussion with my mom the other day, discussing my major and when I say that I wanna go with Film Making, she looked at me and she said "I still don't get why you did Mass Comm. Its such a waste of time. Why cant you have done something like Accounting or Law."
.........................................................................................................might not seem much to you but when you have a dream and you're goin after that dream and YOUR OWN MOTHER look at it like that, belittle it like that...it hurts. It really hurts. Its as if someone have taken a knife and just stabbed it through my heart and then for kicks, just squeeze some lemons into so that the pain burns even more.
Okay. Too dramatic. But you get my point.
I'm not angry, I'm just sad that what I chose to do with my life is taken so lightly by my own mother. I guess in the end its true what they say, you biggest cheerleader is you, yourself and no one else.
"A waste of time".
Shit man. That fucking hurts.
10 comments:
your blogs would never be as meaningful without the word f****ng and s**t those words really bring meaning man.
I mean real emphasis.
They are the only words that really put your strength of emotion across, keep using them it shows you have real freedom of speech and are such a powerful demonstration that you are truly free to say what you like.
Maybe your mother just dont understand. But its ok, just go with your dreams and prove to your mother that Mass Comm is the bomb. Just like the saying "If it doesnt kill you, it makes you stronger". Someday probably, she will understand and change her mind.
Just hold strong to what you believe. =)
you stick up for yourself you will be remembered as a film producer not as an accountant, couldn't name a single famous accountant look at Stuart Urban cannes film festival at 12!
1st Annon- Thanks for the comment. For a moment there I thought you were being sarcastic but I'm sure now that you're not. Thanks for the support.
Pirate- Change her mind? I dunno, she's a little too old now for that. Kinda stuck in the rut, it hurts me but I'm just gona let it go. When you were younger your parents tolerate with your behaviour and as parents grow older they become childish again. Its now the children's time to tolerate with their behaviour.
Gypsy- Thanks babe. You know how parents can be annoying. You have your more-than-fair share of that. I'm talking to her again but I'm still hurting inside. Now that I know how she really thinks about my decided career, I dont wanna discuss with her about my future anymore. What for? Im "wasting my time anyways."
2nd Annon- Thanks for the support. You right, accountants, no disrespect for the ppl who have chosen that career path, but they dont get recognizition. And I want that recognizition. I'm not gonna live my life in someone's shadow and count money that isnt my own. I'm gona make an impact in my life and that would be through the entertainment world.
Stuart Urban at 13 not 12 sorry, was the youngest director to have a film shown at Cannes.
His brother Mark is on Newsnight the flagship BBC2 news programme.
Was at school with both of them at Rokeby in Kingston-upon-Thames.
Yeah...I actually check him out online and yes it was 13 and you know before this I never heard of him but now I am seriously interested in knowing who he really is and his impacts in the entertainment world. So thank you for enlightening me.
And were you really at school with the Urban brothers? When was that?
A long time ago so you don't need to worry about being 21.
Stuart used blood capsules in his fights with friends, you just bit on them and it looked like you had been bleeding when punched in the head. Never got to try it myself but it never surprised me when I heard years later that he was a writer and producer!
Patrick Marber was there as well though he was younger, shouldn't be too difficult to prove.
Jeremy Paxman is the main presenter of Newsnight and he has a now legendary interview with Michael Howard where he asks the same question over 10 times in a vain attempt to get a straight answer.
Put Paxman Howard into a search engine or even youtube to see it.
Really? Thanks for th tip. I would totally check it out.
I applaud you on being brave pursuing film making.
At least better than me who is cowardly taking engineering because it just makes more money than archeology.
My mom is of course happy but it would be better if I am happy too.
Oh well we can't always satisfy everyone including ourself.
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