Snoop snoop

Remember my ULTIMATE frenemy from highschool?





Yeah, found her blog.

Oh yes, this is going to be fun. It will also provide abundance of information to bitch about during my get together with high school friends... next Friday.



Eeeeeeeeeexcellent.

You say I'm nosy, I say spot on

Dear childhood acquaintance whom I bumped into today at our neighbourhood mall,


First of all I'm glad that you remember me, I mean after all why not?

We were both there on the first day of primary school, sharing the same class for all those years. Did we not shared our food during recess back in Standard One to Three and then promised each other to be BFF till the end of time by the library staircase? Then of course that was that fight that we had in Standard Three. I can't remember why now but I did remember making you cry. What I still do remember that in your tears you told me that you will tell your father, who happens to be a policeman and he will come to arrest me for making you cry. I remember being scared shitless and begging my mom to not let your dad jailed me.

Then of course high school came in and we both went to the same school but we didn't get to be in the same class. Your father didn't came to arrest me in all those years accumulating to high school apparently. We don't see much of each other, ran in a totally different crowd. I harnessed my bitchiness while you, I heard was on the top 5 teacher's pet list.

I'm happy to hear that you have chosen banking and finance as a career. I'm also happy that you finally straightened your hair and now it no longer looks like a beehive. Also you upgraded your glasses and you look...corporate. A far cry from the nerdy curly haired girl with over sized glasses that I used to know.

I appreciate you're saying that I'm still as funny as I was and still just as loud. I also appreciate you hugging me tight and telling me that you want to see me again to "catch up". I appreciate you're saying that you like what I did with my hair. Thanks, I was channelling Victoria Beckham. Fringed bob cuts was all the rage back in late 2007 you know.

What I don't appreciate is that you exclaiming loudly on how my breast size has differ since high school. I'm quite sure that the security guard standing by really do not need to know bout the evolution of my cup size. But the question begging to be answered here, why the hell were you paying attention to my, ahem, chest back in high school when we barely talked?

Come to think of it...you were hanging with her back in day. She of course being one the notorious dyke-y girls from our school. She who did sent my best friend -one of the prettiest girls in school- a bouquet of candy canes during Valentine's Day. Come to think of it now, you two were awfully close.....

Am I missing something here?

Perhaps I will call you up to "catch up" one of these days. See what's up with you. I'll buy you a cup of coffee. Think of it as a token of appreciation for not having your dad arrest my ass all those years ago. You on the other hand will let me know everything that has happened in your life. Every single thing.

Starting with her.

Nosy bitches and full body massages

Ever had a full body massage? No. Then let the Constantly Dramatic One tells you all about it.

I decided to get a full body massage the other day because what better way to celebrate the new year then to pamper yourself silly? Plus bear in mind, I didn't get to celebrate the New Year thanks to the food poisoning that followed me all the way from China.


Inspired by a recent blog post by the deliciously passive aggressive Cheesecakeerian, I decided that I too will have my full body massage in an open air setting at the gazebo. Usually the gazebo is there to accompany two people, a couple if you would so when I requested to get my massage there the manager was surprised and a little bit reluctant. I asked her sarcastically if a terrible spell would befall the spa hence propelling them into bankruptcy if a woman sans one boyfriend get her massage done there - solo. After giving me a dirty look , she told me that yes, I can get the open air massage that I want.


My day at the spa was off to a good beginning.


My messues led me to the gazebo and I was amazed. It actually took my breath away. I have been to this spa before but I stayed inside the building, though the decor is glorious in all its Balinese inspired theme but the backyard literally took my breath away. To get to the gazebo one must first walk across a huge greenery area with trees and shrubs, if you have watch old Malay movies where P.Ramlee was wooing the princess in the moonlight in the royal garden you would know how this place looks like. The gazebo itself was set in an almost-island. There was a makeshift pond complete with lilies underneath and the soothing sound of the [artificial] waterfall helps made the atmosphere heavenly. The gazebo was wrapped with thin layers of cloth in assorted pastel colours and when you stepped inside you can still make out the shape of things outside the gazebo through the cloth. Its all very...romantic.

Mental note: next time bring Charlie.

See the thing with full body massage is that you gotta go buck naked so if you have problems with getting naked with a total stranger and letting them touch you...then a full body massage isn't for you. My messues, a real Balinese woman waited outside the gazebo as I was getting undressed. They provided this disposable panties, that looks like disposable granny panties- I'm serious -for you but really its useless, because when they say full body massage - trust me they will be touching everywhere. Its not like its my first time getting a massage. But I really did not want to look like a shameless wanton so I put them on even though I did not want to.

As I was lying down and the messues was working her way from my feet applying just the right amount of pressure. I was thinking what a beautiful day it is, and what a good start to a year and how I wish its not some Balinese woman who is giving me a massage but instead the father of my [yet unborn] children, Charlie, that was the point that my messues decided to strike a conversation with me.

"You know, you have a nicely shaped butt. If you work out more, it'll look better."

Bear in mind that when she made this comment...I wasn't wearing much. Aaaaaawkward.

"Ohh....uhhmm...thanks."

Silence.

"So when was the last time you were touched by a man?

...............................................................................................................

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Say whhhhhhhaaaat?!!!!

"Excuse me?"

"You know when was the last time you did it?"

WTF?

"That really is none of your business."

"Oh can't get a man?"

"Oh I get plenty.....I just don't like...men."

At this point I turned around and gave her a meaningful smile. The look on her face was priceless. Ahahahahahaha! Homophobe much?

After that she didn't try to make anymore conversations coz I think she really think that I was a lesbian. Because I have nothing better to do with my life I kept on moaning suggestively every time she applied more pressure. After my 90 mins session was done, she wouldn't even look at me in the face. I think I scarred her for life. Heh. I'm goin to hell for this but who ask that bitch to be so nosy?

It was a good massage. Nosy bitch, aside from being nosy, is actually really good at massaging. Maybe I'll go back there again next month and request for her.

Bet that would freak her out.

For the interested:

Jentayu Spa

No 11, Jalan Gelenggang, Bukit Damansara, 50490 Kuala Lumpur

(03) 2094 4428