Thursday, January 08, 2009

This post might or might not make sense. My bad.

Disclaimer: The following post was written while the Constantly Dramatic One was completely drugged out on flu/fever medication. It might or might not make sense to you. I wouldn’t know. It however made total and complete sense to me seeing that I was and still is, trippin all over the place.



***



I have this story on how my car acted up yesterday and that the alarm won’t stop going on and on so I had to send it to the mechanics and had to stay there for 3 hours waiting for it to get done and how like this big motherfucking rat came out of the gutters and ran right by my feet, and then I jumped and screamed like a banshee which all the dirty mechanics thought was hilarious so they laughed at me and then the chief mechanic told me to that there’s something wrong with my car’s alarm system (well no shit Sherlock, it’s been goin on and on right?) and that I have to change it. So I say changed it and that’s why I was at the mechanic’s for 3 hours amidst all the dirty cars, dusty accessories, polluted air and rat infested gutters. What the mechanic forgot to tell me was that the new alarm is like some fancy shmancy thingie where a robotic female’s voice would go “Arm” or “Disarm” as to remind you to lock the car.



So I got home at 7ish in the evening and then I parked my car and before I got the chance to lock the car, the female’s voice came on and I freaked out cause I thought there was a Pontianak hiding under the car and talking to me so I ran like a bitch and then I realized that pontianaks don’t hide under cars so maybe my car might be a transformer instead, like in the movie you know. So I went back to my car, but I did not take a peek at the undercarriage in case there was a pontinak hanging out there…then the female’s voice came on again and I thought “Cool, my car’s a female transformer. I will call her ‘Bianca’.” Belatedly, did I realise that it was just the alarm and I felt really stupid. And also my New Year’s resolution of NOT DOING STUPID SHIT has gone out of the window thanks to the Pontianak/transformers episode. 


As I walked towards my house, my nosy neighbour called me cause she saw me running away from the car and she wanna know why I did that. Nosy bitch. I can’t actually tell her that I thought my car was a transformer, can I? So I told her that I’m on this new fitness plan where you don’t workout for a long time but what you do is you suddenly sprint or jog on the spot really really fast, multiple times a day and then you can lose weight and build stamina. She looked unconvinced so I told her it’s totally the in thing now in Hollywood. It’s like the Atkins of fitness plans. Then she looked interested and told me that she wants to do it too. So I thought to myself “Great, I’m fucked now.” And now whenever I need to leave the house, I have to make sure that she’s not hanging out outside her house because apparently I have weaved my own tangled web of lies and I don’t know how to continue with it.





Then last night I got really sick, I started coughing and sneezing and I think it’s cause I was at the mechanic’s for 3 hours and that place was filthy. When I look at the tissue I realise that there is blood when I blow my nose and I got really scared cause now I think I’m gonna die. Like, seriously, blood on the tissue. I’m scared cause I know I’m going to Hell cause I barely pray and curse like a drunk sailor therefore in conclusion God hates me and will send me to Hell. So I took some flu pills and decided that if I’m drowsy enough from all the pills maybe I could die peacefully in my sleep. As I was drifting off I realise that I don’t want to die without letting people know that I love them. So I called my sister and told her that I am going to die cause there’s blood when I blow my nose and I have fever but before I go, I want her to know that I love her. But she didn’t hear all that cause she was at the market place buying fish and I thought how ironic that I’m going to die in my sleep, with blood coming out of my nose and Clive would never get the chance to fall madly in love with me and the one person whose supposed to be in contact with me before I leave this realm of mortality can’t even hear my parting words cause she wanna buy a damn fish.


So I said again “I’m going to die.” Then she asked “Oh, what colour?” And then I said  “Die not dye” and she said “Okay. What colour?” Then I gave up and tell her that I love her and then she said “I love you too, but make sure you don’t dye blond ya? Blond sucks with our skin colour.” And I dunno how that tip would be helpful in Hell but okay, I take whatever I can get. Then before I hung up she asked me


“Have it arrived yet?”


“What have arrived?”


“The bag?”


“What bag?”


“The Gucci bag.”


“Huh?”


“I got you a Gucci bag, from the Christmas sale here. It was like 50% off and it’s like last season’s but it is a Gucci and it’s pink and really cute and you would really like it. It’s totally you.”


“Wow.”


“Okay let me know when you get it ya? I love you babe. I have to go now.”


I’m still coughing, sneezing blood and feverish but I think it would really suck to die now cause apparently I have a last-season-50%-off-Gucci-bag on the way to me. I’m gonna put off death for a while till I get the bag and then only could I die happy.


Also, I love Ghendut.

23 comments:

JD Cole said...

what a fabulous dream!!

btw, all leather used for gucci products are pig skin if i'm not mistaken laaa~

but for classic gucci designs...yeah all the leather used are pig skin =)

rujing said...

a gucci bag is indeed worth living for. stay alive!

sab said...

go see a doctor! although i bet it's not that bad.

evie said...

Ooo - I wouldn't die too if I had a gift coming my way. Shoes would've been better but bags are OK too!

I hope you feel better soon CDO. Cos if you die, I'd have one less thing to do in the office. Unless of course there's internet in the afterlife and you continue to update your blog then... then well... do as you wish :p

pattirmina said...

haha. u'll be fine la. u'r just having mild fever. and you MUST not die now, because you have a gucci bag coming thr gurl..!

about the alarm, i think i still prefer the old beeping ones. hehe.

oh, and get well soon tcdo!

winda said...

of course you cant die now!!! Not without the pink-50%-gucci-gucci-bag-that-is-totally-you!!!!

when i was on high school, there's moment when i cross the street while muttering, "i cant die right now. I dont know the end of the sailor moon series yet"

and we know that gucci bag is totally better and more important than sailor moon series, right ;)

(Yes, i was totally crazy over the series. Yes, i still like it until now. Oh, guilty pleasure....)

Adrienne said...

lol.. i'd try my very best not to die if i were you.

Get well soon!

senorita.. said...

makes a lot of sense.


and gendut will miss you... or not. :P

peachy said...

i'm sorry, but HAHAHAHA! it's worth putting off death; if it's for a bag.

also, i changed my URL. yes, i know, AGAIN. re-link babe.

fie the elf said...

im sick tooooo

so is farah

Technodoll said...

I think I need to take a dose of meds to understand half of this post, ha ha!

Girl, please get better. Being sick SUCKS ARSE!

Anne said...

HAHAHAHAHA you named it Bianca! How precious!

I WANT TO SEE THE PINK BAG!! Dammit I got some presents too but they suck. My family has a habit of picking fancy grandma stuff for me.

Peter Varvel said...

Oooh! Thanks for the link to the info about pontianak - that's going to be my new drag stage name: Bianca Pontianak, the Transgender Transformer! LOL

If it's a little blood don't worry. When I blow my nose and see blood, it just means my allergies are acting up and I am probably dehydrated. I know: not great, but better than dying (or even dying your hair a cheap, trashy blonde that doesn't go with your skin tone . . . )

Tinesh said...

and me is sick too. i think it was the trip la. but i got no fever, just bad flu and phlegm and bad throat and i dont help it by smoking like a bitch.

trippy post i like :D

emma said...

dont die!!! hold on, go to the doctor and recieve the gucci bag! it will cure you of any discomfort

emma said...

ps, have you ever seen a pontianak?

Frank said...

That was surprisingly coherent. Whenever I'm really sick and try to write something, it comes across sounding like I'm on LSD.

Maybe if I didn't take LSD for the flu I'd make a little more sense.

Hope you feel better!

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

JD Cole:

But it wasn’t a dream. Durn durn duuurn.

And I think we should give my sister more credit then that. I'm sure a Muslim lawyer that she is would know better then to purchase bags with pig-lining in it.

rujing:

"Stay alive."

Duuude, suddenly I wanna watch John Travolta's movie "Staying Alive". Haha. Hows that for random?

Sab:

It's not. Just have to be dramatic, that's all =P

Evie:

It's nice to know where your priorities are =D

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Patt:

Haha. Yeah I'm much better now...but I have to be honest thought. The bag kept me alive. =p

Winda:

OMG WINDA!!! BFF!! I LOVE SAILORMOON TOO!!!!!

But I havent seen it in ages. When I was like 13, Sailormoon was the shiznit. The show is still on? Oh how I missed it so.

Who is your fav sailor? I couldn't decide btwn Mercury and Mars....I think I like Mars better...=)

Adrienne:

Thanks babes!

Senorita:

Well.... he better! I will kick he furry ass if he doesn't. =P

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Peachy:

Done! =)

Fie:

I think it's the season lah babe...

Techno:

Oh yeah, I second that.

Anne:

Pink bag belum sampai lah. Air mail takes aaaages. And Bianca is a totally kickass transformer name. =P

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Peter:

Dude, that is the most ossum stage name I have ever heard. Hhahahaha!!! I love it! =D

T-man:

The trip, the weather, the mechanic, the emotional turmoil of 3kc leaving...everything lah babes.

Emma:

I'm not dead yet! I'm holding on for the bag =P . Never seen a pointianak. It's more of a Malaysian folklore. A creepy ass folklore that even though as modern and as educated I am, I still partially believe in it and really....really do not even wanna see one.

The stories I heard as a child regarding pontianak scarred me for life. =S

Frank:

I concur on the LSD part =)

quin browne said...

i laughed all the fucking way though this.


i know, i suck, laughing at your fear and you dying and stuff... but, the exercise program?


AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!



should i make you chicken soup?

winda said...

OMG CD!!!!! *BFF hugs*

i dont think the show still on. Not here for sure. But i dont really like the show, i'd rather read the manga. In the show they always wear the same dress, meh... whereas in the manga, goodness... fancy dresses!!
And the boys look better in manga.
I like sailor v the most. She kicks ass!! And she's second in charge so she can give order to the others :D

and i also concur with the whole pontianak issue. You know they made 3 movies about it here (with the term used here as pontianak is a city name here) and darling boyfriend manage to drag me watching the first movie, in a theater!!