Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Vagina. Sorry, that was completely inappropiate.

Rules of differentiating between a skirt (image 1) and a napkin (image 2)



Rule 1

If a straight woman takes one look at you and the first thing that comes to her mind is whether or not you had a bikini wax....than huney; It's not a skirt. It's a napkin.

Rule 2
If a gay woman look at you and the first thing that comes to her mind is "Uuuuummmm carpet" .....than huney;
It's not a skirt. It's a napkin.

Rule 3
If a straight man look at you and the first thing that comes to his mind is "Ooooo punani. I wanna squeeze it first." ....than huney;
It's not a skirt. It's a napkin.

Rule 4

    If a gay man take one look at you and the first thing that that he says to you is "Girl, you are nasssssty. Cover up."...than huney; It's not a skirt. It's a napkin.

    Rule 5
    If the first thing that comes to mind when random people look at you is "Damn, what was the plot to Octopussy again?" .......than huney; It's not a skirt. It's a napkin.

    Rule 6

    If the first thing that comes to my mind when I see you is "Whoa, she has a napkin on her vag....oh wait....that's her skirt......damn. Vagina. Shit I just said vagina out loud. That's completely inappropriate. Oh wait...I didn't say it out loud. I was just thinking. Hhhmmm...... Vagina. Vagina. Vagina.Vaaaaaaaaaaaagina........." ....than huney; It's not a skirt. It's a napkin.

    Rule 7
    If the length of your skirt is making me blog about it and repetitively using the word vagina, than huney; It's not a skirt. It's a napkin.

See, there are miniskirts. And then there are napkins. Napkins are something that you use to wipe your mouth and hands with after eating. It is not however, something that should be use to barely cover your ass and your.....va-gi-na.

My parents, they foot the bill for my college education. They do that so that one day I could become a productive member of society. So with that in mind, and my aspirations to become said productive member of society I go to my classes to learn. I expect to know what journalism is all about. I expect to know the theories and the power of the media. I expect that what I learn in class would later help me in the industry. What I don't expect is to be assaulted by your napkin-covered-vag during the last class of the day.

It makes me queasy to know that I am "this close" to tapping you on the shoulder to ask you where you get your bikini wax done. I never had bikini wax before. I heard it hurts like a bitch. Maybe you can validate that for me? But then I realise what's the point when its not like I'm getting laid anytime soon and I always make a point of covering up my own vag with more than just a napkin.

Which would bring me to my second point, why do you feel the need to share you vag with the whole world? I mean...seriously. I'm sure that your intentions are good. However skewed they are. But here's the deal. I have my own vag. And it is prettier than yours. I don't need to look at yours okay. Thanks....but no. Cover yourself up woman.

I'm all for self esteem and that whole "confidence makes us beautiful". I do. But your legs............yeah. Fug. I'm sorry. Kudos for the self confidence though but really. They're fug. I was of course distracted by that napkin you were wearing....coz its was just like......half an inch away from exposing your vag to the whole world that for the first 10 mins I did not realise how fug your legs are. But they are huney, they are.

So the next time you come to class. Please don't -under any circumstances- try to share the view of your birth canal with me. I can go on with my life without ever knowing that. Seriously. Cover yourself up. Your vagina is your treasure. Cherish it. Guard it. Give it a wax once in a while. Don't turn it into a friggin sideshow attraction.

Get that, Napkin?


CoutureCarrie said...

Funny! Best to wear those little thigh-skimming numbers with some leggings underneath . . . perhaps Kova & T's latex ones??

Peter Varvel said...

Laughin' My Ass Off, here!
It would be ironic for a gay guy to criticize that, since they are infamous for wearing even less than a napkin, with a rubber band to attach it in place, at least, here in California, anyway, LOL!

Technodoll said...

Girl, you ROCK! fucking hilarious... and I don't call it a vag, I go for the big guns: beef curtains or fish bacon. That's where the napkin comes in handy, I suppose... *snicker*

Zikri said...

no panties?

peachy said...

HAHAHAHA did she not shave her legs or something? and not wear any underpants?

Tine said...

Hahahahaha, that is hilarious! My sentiments exactly on the napkin. What's with these crotch skimmers nowadays? What happened to keeping something to the imagination?


the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Couture Carrie:

Kova &T? Any brand would suffice. Just cover up for God's sake! =p

And thanks for dropping by.


Well I dunno bout Cali' but I do know that I do not enjoy looking up other people's birth canal. =p


Ahahahahah! Yeah, that makes sense. Lol!

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


What you think?

*wink wink nudge nudge*


She shaved her legs but it still doesnt stop it from being fug. And she was wearing lah. Some pink colour thingie.

Irks me that I actually know that. Fucking overshare man.


It is always sooooo much better and sexier in fact to keep it to the imiganitions. Too bad that most of these...... Napkin followers dunno that.

Le sigh.

coco said...

I much prefer shorter skirts, but there is a limit to how short I will go.
I am not going out in any napkins that is for sure!

Tinesh said...

how come there are no girls like her in MY class? why is it you d one who gets all the cun girls? im switching majors la

Sandy said...

Strong words. like the way u write.

Charlotte said...

jjajajjaj, very funny! Loved your post!

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


Oh thank God for that. Lets leave the napkin for the dinner table shall we?


I'm gona go ahead here and take that "cun" is code word for "skanky" right? You're in psych all them studious girls.

Join mass comm, thats where sll the "cun" girls are at.


Thank you.


Glad you liked it =)

A. Aini said...

ah i love it when girls blog entries relate to vajajays! and wah, her ass fits a napkin, im sure if i were to experiment with one, it'd only cover a quarter of my ass.

anyway, i lost all my bookmarks, but urs i ingat because of the Sweet Valley blog title. :p

in case ure wondering who the hell this is, its ohnoaini, revamped. haha. i'm linking u btw. ;)

Natalija said...

You'd think with all those britney, paris upskirts nowadays people would shy away from making the same mistakes.

I esp geli if I see girls with kudis and scabs walking all over town as if they had adriana lima's legs. Beat them half to death if I could.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


Dude, what happened? You totally dissapeared on me.

And yay, Sweet Valley saved the day! =D Will link yo ass, no prob.


" Beat them half to death if I could."

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! Oh man, I am sooo with you one that one. Geli lah.

fie the elf said...

who who who is the bitch

Elisabeth said...

Haha, wonderful post - and your 7 rules need to be pinned in every ladies toilet across the world.

liyana said...

you've a witty sense of humor. keep it up :)

Melissa said...

I'm sensing a puke attack comin real fast. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? SERIOUSLY??? NO PANTIES??? holy mother in heaven!

Bodohla pompuan nowadays... So cheap...

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


You dunno her and I have no pics as well cuz I dont want to contaminate my camera with her face. Chink though. Fucking annoying one.


Thank you, thank you =D


Thanks! =)


*sigh*....Shit I have to deal with in college =(