By him, I mean him who broke my heart into a thousand pieces, ran a tank over it and then blew up the pieces using a liquid nitrogen bomb so that when I thought the scar have healed…the radiology after-effects acts up and I realize that I have never truly healed afterall.
My heart is like Chernobyl now thanks to him.
Okay.
Fine.
That was too dramatic even for me.
Mah bad.
Following my last post regarding Geek Boy, I did what I said I would do. I called him one hour before our date and cancelled it. Originally I wanted to say that I got held up in uni cause I fell down a set of stairs and I’ve broken my leg and couldn’t possibly be able to meet up with him on time. Broken leg and all. But I didn’t. What I said was: “Apparently I made other plans and I didn’t realize it until now. Guess I can't make it today.”
Which is all kinds of mean.
The cycle of hurt goes on.
I’m sure you’d agree with me.
So it was Thursday evening- last week, not today- and I was in the library. Skulking round the bookshelves searching for a research book that I need for my assignment….and I couldn’t seem to find it. I decided to find a librarian to help me out with it. I was making my way across the library foyer towards the Help desk when a friend of mine shouted my name. It was this dude I know from class so I ended up having a bit of chat with him when I felt somebody was looking at me. I turn around and of course, it was Geek Boy. At the Help desk. He wasn’t looking at me of course when I turn my head. But it was him.
It was his stupid hair. His stupid shirt. And his stupid red sneakers that I chose for him. He wanted the green ones, but I made him get the red ones. Back in the day you know.
The first thing that came to my mind was “Be cool CD. BE COOL. You can handle this.” and the second one was “THANK GOD I LOOK SUPER CUTE TODAY!!” Which I totally did you guys. I was wearing this short pinafore and it kinda look like this:
Minus the beret.
But waaaaay cuter. Cause we’re talking bout me here.
Thank you Universe for letting me look cute when bumped into my semi-ex or Asshole-who-played-me-like-the-fool-that-I-was. Thank you for small victories such as this.
Thank you thank you thank you thank you.
So I carried on talking to my friend, acting all blasé. Cause shit like this doesn’t faze me. Cause I’m too cool for school. Cause I’m so cool, I make Antarctica looks hot baaayybeeee.
...............But inside I was freaking out like crazy. What if he throws a scene here? What if he comes over and talk to me? What would I say? What would I do? Talk civilly? Be cool? Cry? Beat him up with a giant copy of encyclopaedia Britannica? What? WHHHAAAAAAT?!!
He was still at the counter when my friend left. I have the option to stand behind him in the queue and act like civilized adults....OR run up to the second floor of the library and hide behind the bookshelves. I chose the later.
Cause I’m cool. And totally mature like that.
So that’s how I spent last Thursday night. Hiding behind bookshelves. And dealing with feelings I thought I have killed. Also, to add icing to the cake....today is his birthday. I just realized that like 2 mins ago as I was typing this........................................................................
FML.
