Bring on the unknown, bitch.

Not including today, I have exactly 4 days left in Malaysia.

 

People ask me how am I feeling now? Nothing much really. Any anxiety, any excitement, any emotional bullshit that I should or should not be feeling at this point in time are all overshadowed by this room fuckery. Not to say that I do not have a room, I actually have like 5 now. Found them through real estates websites. I just do not want to send in money online and commit myself. I mean, everything sounds fantastic online, people are trying to sell you shit so everything is sugar-coated, and then when you arrive at this supposedly magnificent room….the ceiling’s leaking, the bus stop is too far away and you are living an hour away from college. Or maybe even worst, it’s just a scam to get your money. Renting out a room that don’t exists to international students. Shit like this happens.

 

 

So I will be staying in a hotel a couple of days when I get there while I meet up with realtors to see where is best. If you’re thinking “Hey CD, how come you’re not crashing at your friend’s place?” That’s a simple question, its cause I have no friends there. I purposely chose a university that I do not know anyone of. I always wonder why people go overseas and study at these places where they already know people there. What’s the point? What’s the point of going far away only to be with your own kind, to be with the same people, to always, perpetually stay in your comfort zone? None really. There’s no growth.

Same shit, different time zone.

 

The reason why I can’t ask people to find a room for me is cause I don’t have anyone I know there. Even if I do, I won’t ask for help. You can only go so far in life if you always depending on the sympathy of people. Here I am with family and friends. I live comfortably, I have a car, and I always have money. There I will not know anyone, I probably will not be able to live comfortably, I will definitely not have a car and without doubt I am going to be broke. Oh I haven’t mentioned this. My dad is cutting me off after the third month.

 

Financially.

It’s his rule. He pays for the tuition bill and the rent, but he’s not gonna give any allowance after the third month. By the fourth month I’m there, I should be able to hold a job already or starve. It’s my Dad’s way of teaching his kids of the “real world”. My sister waited tables through Law School. Technically my dad paid for Law school and she only have to support herself but woman totally played the whole “Paying for law school through waitressing” thingy. My brother worked two jobs when he was in America. And now it’s my turn. My friends asked if there is a way of getting out of it, like if there’s a way I could have him still gives me money after the third month but to tell you the truth….I rather not.

 

First off, it’s unfair to my sis and bro. They both got cut off after the third month, why should I be any different? I mean my sister could work through Law school; my brother worked two jobs while studying for a double degree and still managed to graduated top of his class. I mean, fuck man. I’m not in Law school, I’m not doing double degree….if anything my circumstance is easier then them. Plus it’s an ego thing you know. I don’t want to be known as the weak one just cause I’m the youngest. Plus I don’t want to be 81 years old and have my parents tell my grandchildren on how Grandma CD was too useless to hold a job and begged Great Grandpa to give her money when she was in Australia.

Seriously bitches, till my dying days I will not hear the end of it.

My dad and his tough love methodology….But that’s the point of studying abroad. It’s like a rite’s of passage, the moment in life where you stepped out of your comfort zone and see what you made of. Here, I’m the pampered Drama Queen. There? Who knows? But that’s the thing about life. It’s all about freefalling into the unknown. And your dad cutting you off and you have to starve for days on end. And yeah…fun.

 

So how am I feeling now?

 

Contemplative. I’m contemplating life…..and where I stand in it.