Friday, February 20, 2009

Something new everyday

“OMG, you speak English so well.”

“Is English your first language?”

“Where do you learn to speak it?”

Bla bla bla bla.

Apparently if you weren’t born in the Western World then there is no conceivable manner that you can actually understand, speaks, read or writes in English. No way whatsoever. For the past 4 days I have been asked again and again to verify that yes I am Malaysian, not Canadian just cause I can speak English quite well. And who knew, there’s quite a number of the Asian-Canadian population in Australia. I wasn’t even aware that there are Asians in Canada.

Not that I’m pissed off or anything with the assumptions, just mildly irritated.

For the past few days I have been hangin out with a German girl, a Scottish girl, a German guy, a Canadian guy and a Taiwanese boy. Cause you know, this week is the international orientation week so yeah baby, international. I’m going to catch a movie with 2 Finnish girls and a South African girl tomorrow. So we’ll see how that goes. I bumped into a couple of Malaysians. I smiled, said hello and then excused myself. I really see no point in coming this far and hanging out with my own countrymen. Not that I’m being arrogant or anything. Also, hanged out with a Turkish guy today. Dude is waaaay hot. I wanna nom nom him.

Like really. Hawt. Hottest dude I seen ever since I got here and trust me on this; other then being constantly dramatic I am also constantly on the look out for a hot piece of ass. Or asses. The more hot asses there are; the merrier I’ll get.

True story.

Now before y’all go “Ouuu I wanna see piccies of the hawt Turkish guy.” Uuumm, no. Not because I do not want to share. Trust me I like sharing this kind of thing but if you haven’t noticed right before I left Malaysia, I’ve pulled back all posts that contain my pictures, friends’ pictures etc. Now I know Internet anonymity is like one’s virginity. Once you posted pictures online; your internet anonymity is gone. Forevah. Just like someone’s virginity, once the cherry’s broken ain’t no going back…..But as demonstrated by Senorita, this is a situation that could be fixed. See the thing is I need an outlet to bitch. Bout these new people whom I just met, bout my lecturers, bout my housemates and everything that irritates me in the days to come. Fact is I haven’t told anyone here that I am the nerdy owner of a blog nor do I plan too. This would be our dirty little secret.

Now ask yourself, would you rather see pictures of me and my giant ass in front of the Sydney Opera House…..or would you rather read about how I think Mr. Clean walks around naked in his room and jerks off to goat pr0n all day long. And if you pick the second option then you my friend is at the right place. You have come to the right place cause this is where we as one talk shit bout other people and sleep peacefully at night afterwards.

Now for those of you who have seen me, well sucks for us cause I am no longer an enigma. For new readers who have never seen me, okay I need you guys to visualize the hottest woman you have seen in your entire life. Long luxurious hair, luscious lips, eyes that ignite lust in both women and men, legs that go on forever….yeah you seeing that now? Yeah? Yeah….that’s not me. I look nothing like that. In fact I kinda look like this bird:

That’s right bitches. Voluptuous.

So back to the story. Orientation have been…nice. I met some nice people. I really like the German girl and the Canadian guy. I feel like I can click with these two but both of them are not majoring in what I am majoring in so….I believe that this passing friendship is limited to the Orientation Week. And after this we shall bid farewell and never cross paths again. Such is life. The fuck am I so poetic right now?

Also duuuude, I met a Malaysian girl the other day and we got to talking and then we questioned our sanity when we made the decision to come here to study. Like okay, personally I have never taken the bus in my life up till last Monday. I mean there was never a need for it. My mom sent me to school when I was in school and when I was old enough to drive my dad got me a car. The only buses I ever been in were tour buses and those shuttle buses in airports. But here I was in Australia taking the bus. And then the most housework I’ve done was making my own bed, cleaning the table after eating and doing the dishes. I have never mopped the floor, or vacuum or wash my own clothes cause we always have a maid. But here I am doing all that shit.

So the Malaysian girl and I were talking and we were going “Ouuu I miss my car.” Fuck, I have never realized what a luxury it is to have a car until I have to take the bus to everywhere. Lucky for me, Australia have a pretty good public transport system. And if I do get lost (which I did the other day and discovered yet another sex shop while being lost), I can just ask people for help. Language is not a problem you know. And the bus drivers are so polite. This is a shock cause bus drivers in Malaysia are a bunch of rude bastards. Dude, seriously the first time I took the bus here, the bus driver lady asked me if I was okay cause I look worried so she told me to sit behind her. Then we get to the bus depot she asked me where I wanted to get to afterwards and drew me a map complete with directions and bus routes. I didn’t even ask her to do it.

It’s just that everyday is a new discovery now. Like me discovering I can’t cook for shit. The first time I tried to cook my rice turn into porridge. I don’t even know how that is possible. It just happened. Then next day I tried to make fried rice….and then I burned it. So I ended up eating burned fried rice for dinner. It’s just one disaster after another. Eating bread with chocolate spread seems like the best option now. And that’s what I have been eating for the last 3 days. I cannot even explain how sucky that is. And I miss eating meat. Everyone here thinks I’m vegetarian. I’m not. I just dunno where to get halal meat.

Dude, I miss eating chicken.

So basically that’s it now. I don’t really feel like writing. It seems that I could already feel pangs of homesickness. I just don’t wanna give in to it. But we’ll see how long I can keep it out.


Zikri said...

I demand a single Iranian/Persian girl as sacrifice to appease my bastardly ways!

Also I dont think it would be that hard to find a halal butcher in Australia, lots of Muslims there. While you're at it, try to find out what kangaroo tastes like.

Good to see you're mixing in with the crowd well enough

Oh and cooking aint that hard once you get the hang of it ;)

ロザリザ said...

psst. when i was in the states, i ate chicken and beef as much as wanted to like right after knowing bout this one specific dalil bout eating chicken/meat that are not slaughtered by muslims( i can't seem to remember how it goes, but something bout bla bla bla..yes you can eat the chicken n meat bla bla bla. yeah im gila like that ingat part dia cakap boleh makan je. hahaha. it was told by a very religious friend of mine)

so yeah, kehidupan saya di us amat sejahtera boleh memakan kfc bercicahkan sos cili linggam yang di beli dari asian store. ahh sedappp.

bout this anonymity thing. menarik sekali!! saya setuju!

and voluptous itu hot!

Tanglebloom said...

when in doubt, declare "darurat".

Frank said...

There are a surprisingly large number of Asians in Canada. I like it, especially in big cities like Toronto because it brings a whole new level of cosmopolitanism. Plus it's not hard to find good Thai food.

Also, being someone who's seen pictures of you, I can attest that "voluptuous" is the new sexy.

faye said...

that bird is hot.

Michelle said...

Seems like you are doing fine so far! Hope you are having fun!

Michelle said...

Oh, and I have a Mexican friend who is always asked if she can speak English or if she needs an interpreter...drives her nuts. LOL.

Ania said...

Please send your straight hot boys to me. I'm at fashion school and have had all of 3 interactions with straight boys that weren't creepers at clubs. We can trade somehow. Let me know what you want from NYC and in exchange you'll send me some hot Aussie who doesn't like other boys. Sound good to you?

gypsy-on-the-move said...

Now, that is irritating the fact that they think we can't speak good English. Duh!

splatme said...

how long have i been gone?? it was just like a couple of days ago you were bitching about malaysia.. but i can see you're doing just fine down under... you will hear a few comments from me in your previous posts as i play catching up...

Blissfully Confused said...


I know the cooking part is frustrating, and the people who are surprised you speak english annoying, :P But here are some things that I learnt over time.

You can cook rice in the microwave oven. Just get a nice big microwavable bowl, put your rice in there, add twice as much water as rice, and leave in for 2o minutes. Voila, instant rice. And if there is no meat, adding very small diced potatoes into your rice makes up a delicious texture (Just make sure the potato is cooked thoroughly).

My rice dillema however was solved when I discovered PASTA. So many kinds, so many different sauces, so many things you could do with it, and most importantly : CHEAP.

The other thing I did was Google recipes of things I had lying around in the frigde. There are some really good ones (Don't be afraid to try a new flavour) and it tells you exactly how much of everything to stick in, so you cant go wrong, :)

I hope that helps. Settling into a foreign country is not a piece of cake, but once you get used to it, it becomes your second home, :)


Tinesh said...

of course there are asians in Canada. Fucking indians are everywhere man. Like Russell said, we can survive ANYWHERE in the world :P

German and Malaysian chicks are hot anot?

taxy said...

Eat fish. Good for you and killed the same way as anywhere else in the world - suffocation once outta water.

Cheryl said...

There are SO many Asians living in Canada, it's ridiculous! Especially in huge provinces like Vancouver and Ontario.

I hate it when people ask me how I speak English and why I speak it so well. It irritates me, and now my response is, "because I'm worldly. Maybe you should try learning someone else's culture" and walk away. Yeah, I know it's rude. :(

JD Cole said...

turkish guys are generally good looking ;P

Medie007 said...

like dudette, you can so become a promotional ad for australia. hahaha

Fieran said...

Hey CD. Glad to hear you are doing well. I agree, we live very protected, privileged lives in Malaysia. The car, the house (the sheer amount of space a single person gets in KL vs an apartment shared with 4 people), the food, the not-so-bad cost of living, not to mention the care (food on the table when you're back from college).. it is not easy to live away from home. But, I guarantee you, you will be perfectly fine. *HUG*

If you go to Cole's, they have this breaded fish filet in their deli counter. It's normally < AUD 1 for a piece. If you fry that with a teaspoon of butter/oil on a non-stick pan and squeeze some lemon juice on that piece of fish after its fried -- its really tasty. I used to eat that fish with rice and a big portion of salad. Try it, you might like it :)

evie said...

Burnt fried rice... must've been crispy haha! I don't mean to laugh at your homesickness nor hunger pangs but I'm sure you find it funny too... if not now, then in the near future, right? Right? :p I guess besides chocolate spread there's always tuna!

quin browne said...


you speak english? who knew?


Tine said...

I remembered the very first time I left home for the UK, I had to eat burnt rice with eggs every day for a week. My friend took pity on me and thought me how to cook :P

Oh, and that "wow you speak English!" thing is getting old! I got that so often that I ask them, "where do you think Malaysia is?" You'd be surprised they have absolutely NO idea :p

winda said...

Well, Tine, they think indonesia is in bali. Bleh....

anyway, cd, my friend wrote something similar to that english thing once:

Btw, i'm sure there are kosher in oz. Well, they got few in melb. area (written in the student guide something) why not in other area. I think you can ask to their international students dept.?

And the whole 'never-do-this-before' thing? You're not the only one!!!

Our students' story:
-Like how they dont know how to cook rice with rice cooker so when my manager/the principal went there, she taught them how. And the next day, they reported to her about the failure again. Why? Because they forget to plug in the cord! lol

maybe you can even use it to your advantage, you know, like loosing weight without having to exercise and stuff. Another student lose her weight because ahem... she didnt like the taste of malaysian food ;)

Anonymous said...

You know Muslims can eat kosher stuff from Jewish people right?

They kill the animals the same way Muslims do so it's fine.

intoxicated_toxic said...

u der, im ere.
we're close.

ceyh..tiba2 poetic juga.
(It seems that I could already feel pangs of homesickness. I just don’t wanna give in to it. But we’ll see how long I can keep it out.)

MoonShadow said...

love the pigeon


the Constantly Dramatic One said...


Well, if I find her. The hell am I supposed to do? Ship her to Malaysia for you? And yeah, I'm getting used to cooking now. It's actually quite fun.

Kak Oja:

Hahaha! Kira ok jer lah tu =D




I see, I did not know that. The Asians in Toronto thing I mean. I do know that I am, indeed hot. =p

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


Voluptous gitew. =P


I know! Just because we're not like...Americans/Bristish/Aussie or whatever, doesnt mean we can't speak English. So annoying.


Somebody are into Aussie boys eh? =P


I know!!

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


You have been gone a looong time my friend.

Blissfully Confused:

Wow, thanks so much for the tip. Yeah I was thinking of pasta too but hey, I'm getting the hang of cooking now. But yeah, looking forward to having pasta for dinner =D


Fuck! How could I forget that? And no, not hot. However dude, Aussie chicks are hot. I saw more hot Aussie chicks then there are hot Aussie guys.

Think you wanna come down here and keep me company? Hot Aussie chicks.... =D


Yeah. That's what my mom said too.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


Well they deserve it anyways. For being ignorant.

JD Cole:

Dude, you don't have to tell me that. I went to Turkey Dec 2006 and maaaan, I was perpetually horny for all the 14 days that I was there =p

Agent 007:

No lah! =)


Oouuu I'm sooo going to Cole's 2mr then. Sounds awesome.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


Tuna taste like crap Evie. And no, this is not funny yet. You are sooo evil *sadness*



I know, right?


Yay! I am not alone. We should start a sisterhood of the burnt rice while abroad society or something. =D


Oouuuu yeah....but I am not losing any weight. Fuck. I shall strive for this. Hey there is a Weight Watchers near my I'm thinking of going for that =D

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


No I don't! Thanks for the tip. Appreciate it.


Kalau tak poetic, have to be dramatic. It's either/or with me. Hey really? Wanna meet up? =D


The pigeon is one sexy bitch.

quin browne said...

easy, perfect rice:

1 cup rice
2 cups water

bring to boil, then, cover and reduce heat until water is gone.

perfect every time.

quin browne said...

perfect hard boiled eggs:

put eggs in enough water to cover, then, bring to boil.


remove from heat, cover, and let sit 20 minutes

perfect every time!

pattirmina said...

owh owh owh, saya sungguh lambat meninggalkan komen utk post ini. sepuluh jari ku how does that line goes again? nvm, lupakan.

u r going anonymous? no wonder i havent been seeing pics of u lately. hoho.