Something new everyday

“OMG, you speak English so well.”

“Is English your first language?”

“Where do you learn to speak it?”

Bla bla bla bla.

Apparently if you weren’t born in the Western World then there is no conceivable manner that you can actually understand, speaks, read or writes in English. No way whatsoever. For the past 4 days I have been asked again and again to verify that yes I am Malaysian, not Canadian just cause I can speak English quite well. And who knew, there’s quite a number of the Asian-Canadian population in Australia. I wasn’t even aware that there are Asians in Canada.

Not that I’m pissed off or anything with the assumptions, just mildly irritated.

For the past few days I have been hangin out with a German girl, a Scottish girl, a German guy, a Canadian guy and a Taiwanese boy. Cause you know, this week is the international orientation week so yeah baby, international. I’m going to catch a movie with 2 Finnish girls and a South African girl tomorrow. So we’ll see how that goes. I bumped into a couple of Malaysians. I smiled, said hello and then excused myself. I really see no point in coming this far and hanging out with my own countrymen. Not that I’m being arrogant or anything. Also, hanged out with a Turkish guy today. Dude is waaaay hot. I wanna nom nom him.

Like really. Hawt. Hottest dude I seen ever since I got here and trust me on this; other then being constantly dramatic I am also constantly on the look out for a hot piece of ass. Or asses. The more hot asses there are; the merrier I’ll get.

True story.

Now before y’all go “Ouuu I wanna see piccies of the hawt Turkish guy.” Uuumm, no. Not because I do not want to share. Trust me I like sharing this kind of thing but if you haven’t noticed right before I left Malaysia, I’ve pulled back all posts that contain my pictures, friends’ pictures etc. Now I know Internet anonymity is like one’s virginity. Once you posted pictures online; your internet anonymity is gone. Forevah. Just like someone’s virginity, once the cherry’s broken ain’t no going back…..But as demonstrated by Senorita, this is a situation that could be fixed. See the thing is I need an outlet to bitch. Bout these new people whom I just met, bout my lecturers, bout my housemates and everything that irritates me in the days to come. Fact is I haven’t told anyone here that I am the nerdy owner of a blog nor do I plan too. This would be our dirty little secret.

Now ask yourself, would you rather see pictures of me and my giant ass in front of the Sydney Opera House…..or would you rather read about how I think Mr. Clean walks around naked in his room and jerks off to goat pr0n all day long. And if you pick the second option then you my friend is at the right place. You have come to the right place cause this is where we as one talk shit bout other people and sleep peacefully at night afterwards.

Now for those of you who have seen me, well sucks for us cause I am no longer an enigma. For new readers who have never seen me, okay I need you guys to visualize the hottest woman you have seen in your entire life. Long luxurious hair, luscious lips, eyes that ignite lust in both women and men, legs that go on forever….yeah you seeing that now? Yeah? Yeah….that’s not me. I look nothing like that. In fact I kinda look like this bird:

That’s right bitches. Voluptuous.

So back to the story. Orientation have been…nice. I met some nice people. I really like the German girl and the Canadian guy. I feel like I can click with these two but both of them are not majoring in what I am majoring in so….I believe that this passing friendship is limited to the Orientation Week. And after this we shall bid farewell and never cross paths again. Such is life. The fuck am I so poetic right now?

Also duuuude, I met a Malaysian girl the other day and we got to talking and then we questioned our sanity when we made the decision to come here to study. Like okay, personally I have never taken the bus in my life up till last Monday. I mean there was never a need for it. My mom sent me to school when I was in school and when I was old enough to drive my dad got me a car. The only buses I ever been in were tour buses and those shuttle buses in airports. But here I was in Australia taking the bus. And then the most housework I’ve done was making my own bed, cleaning the table after eating and doing the dishes. I have never mopped the floor, or vacuum or wash my own clothes cause we always have a maid. But here I am doing all that shit.

So the Malaysian girl and I were talking and we were going “Ouuu I miss my car.” Fuck, I have never realized what a luxury it is to have a car until I have to take the bus to everywhere. Lucky for me, Australia have a pretty good public transport system. And if I do get lost (which I did the other day and discovered yet another sex shop while being lost), I can just ask people for help. Language is not a problem you know. And the bus drivers are so polite. This is a shock cause bus drivers in Malaysia are a bunch of rude bastards. Dude, seriously the first time I took the bus here, the bus driver lady asked me if I was okay cause I look worried so she told me to sit behind her. Then we get to the bus depot she asked me where I wanted to get to afterwards and drew me a map complete with directions and bus routes. I didn’t even ask her to do it.

It’s just that everyday is a new discovery now. Like me discovering I can’t cook for shit. The first time I tried to cook my rice turn into porridge. I don’t even know how that is possible. It just happened. Then next day I tried to make fried rice….and then I burned it. So I ended up eating burned fried rice for dinner. It’s just one disaster after another. Eating bread with chocolate spread seems like the best option now. And that’s what I have been eating for the last 3 days. I cannot even explain how sucky that is. And I miss eating meat. Everyone here thinks I’m vegetarian. I’m not. I just dunno where to get halal meat.

Dude, I miss eating chicken.

So basically that’s it now. I don’t really feel like writing. It seems that I could already feel pangs of homesickness. I just don’t wanna give in to it. But we’ll see how long I can keep it out.