Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Strangers with a shared past

My older brother is going to have his convocation day where he graduates cum laude or whatever...I dunno Latin. The convo day is going to be on Dec 8th. In any event he is graduating top 5 of his class so that's a good thing. Double degree in International Business and Economy.

Damn capitalist.

Anyways, he is studying in Chicago so my parents are flying off to Chicago on the 6th to attend his convo. I am....semi, kinda proud of him but yet resents him now. Now if I'm too lazy to go to class my mom will go "Why can't you be like your brother? He graduates top of his class and bla bla bla." Pain in my ass. I also miss him because it has been over a year now since we seen each other but yet when we see each other we do not know what to say. There was always a rift between us. Distance made the rift smaller....but how can you make a rift as big as the Grand Canyon any smaller? Its impossible.

From the beginning it was decided that only my parents would be going because my sister couldn't get time off work and according to college schedule, finals is on from Dec 1st - 8th. Then when the actual schedule rolls out, my final paper would be on the 4th. So now my parents are making all these last minute changes to get me a ticket and accommodations so that I can come with them to Chicago. The city this time...I have already been to the musical.

The thing is...I'm not so crazy to go there. It would be a 12 days trip where I will be stuck with my mom and dad. And that is not a happy thought people. You know how I'm very bitchy? Yeah...bitchiness runs in the family. So it would be 12 days in which 3 very bitchy people would be stuck together. Its not a happy thought. A weaker woman would even contemplate suicide to get out of this.

A weaker woman.

It might or might not be me.

I do not want to go because I would be stuck with them for 12 days. 12 fucking days of bitchiness. Even the thought itself is scaring the bejesus out of me. But they are adamant to take me. And now seeing that Dec is peak season I am praying that God show me some mercy and not let them get a ticket. I dunno how I am gonna handle 12 days of bitchiness.

And my brother is also being a bitch to me. My mom mentioned that I might come along to visit him and he got all excited and happy and wrote me an email saying how excited and happy he is that I might show up.

Bastard. Putting me on the guilt trip.

I don't want to go. I cannot deal with 12 days of bitchiness. I made plans already with my friends whom bitchiness I can handle. I can't handle my parents bitchiness. And then there's the problem of meeting my brother. I wouldn't know what to say. So many things have happened between us. Sibling rivalry, the arguments, the venomous words...3 years of not speaking to each other. There's a rift. A huge one. One trip to Chicago isn't going to close the rift or make it all better.

I do not know him. And he doesn't know me. What would we say to each other? What would strangers with a shared past say to each other? This is going to be awkward as hell.

Pray that I wont get a ticket.


I got a ticket. Crap.


Maverick SM said...


It does come once in a time of our life that the mind and emotion got to let go of some thoughts and upsetting thoughts, and let life get on with another chapter that could instil a new relationship that was genetic and inherent.

I can understand the dilemma, for I too face the same, of which I had not got over. Now, as a hypocrite, I am advising you to do things that I can't. But I just felt that it was right. I will want to do it now, but they said it's too late. I regretted it and still do.

constant_drama said...

Thanks for the advice Mave.

But its tough, I see where you're coming from but it doesnt make it anymore easier. Soooo awkward, sooo very awkward.

I am going btw. They got the tickets...God wasnt listening when I begged him not too.