Whoa dude, I am getting spammed. Fuck yeah! The Constantly Dramatic One has finally found a teeny weeny corner of my own in this huge world of the interweb - as they say back in the day. I'm still getting spammed now and I always reject them but the attention whore in me relishes the fact that I have spam. To reject. Fuck yeah.
Then today I came home from a nerve wrecking day of presentations and espionage (don't ask) in college; I took a shower, I had my dinner I sat in front of the computer and I begin moderating comments. Oh lookie, lookie Quin left comments, so did Evie, Elisabeth and Maverick but oh what's that? Anonymous?
What did it say? Well then, let me copy and paste for you dear blog readers.
"Oh please, shut up already. Grow up, lose A LOT of weight, and stop lying about things that has been happening in your life. You're trying too hard to fit in. OH wait, don't then it'll not be fun to laugh and you."
Wow. My first hater. I have a hater.
HOLY MOTHER OF GAWD!!!! I have haters! I'm famous bitches!!!
Ohmygawd I dunno who you are dear Anonymous but you truly made my day. I know, I know you posted this under my Weakest Link post but I was sooooooo excited I accidentally deleted it but good thing I have another copy in my email. Now I know that you want me to shut up but really I can't. Not because I can't but if I do what would you be hating on? The only reason for your existence is to become my number one hater and I will respect your need for that. I will honour that. I will not shut up so that you can fill in the void in your life by hating me.
See? I care for you.
And you know what you are sooo truly very special to me. No one have ever told me to grow up, to shut up and to lose weight all in a sentence. You care don't you? You do care for me and although I know you say that all in anger I understand there is a thin line between love and hate. And deep down inside you do love me don't you? That's why you read my blog when you can do so much more with your life.....assuming of course that you do have a life. That's why you told me to grow up because you don't want me to embarrass myself by acting silly. You want me to stop bitching so that I appear more ladylike and you want me to lose weight because you think I could be more beautiful than what I already am. Although, c'mon who are we kidding? More beautiful? Puhllleassssse, there's nothing on me that need fixin but, but.....oh babes, I feel the love. I do. Thank you for caring ever so much.
And I don't lie about things that are happening in my life. I am just dramatic in the retelling because that's I am. I am dramatic and dramatics isn't lying. Its entertaining babes. Ohhhhhh you know I feel so awkward not knowing who you are and where you come from. I think I will name you. I will call you Princess Asshat. Cute right? Anything for you babes.
But you know there's one thing that I do have to disagree with you. I never try to fit in. I am a team player but never in my life do I give a damn in fitting in but its okay. You and I we are just getting to know each other and its fine. I suggest that you go back into the archives and read all my entries and get to know the Constantly Dramatic One better. As my Number One Hater, I hate for you to come off sounding stupid. Which you actually kinda are, but its okay. We can remedy that. Together. The next time you come up with your aggressive love messages for me, I want you to be better, smarter and wittier. You care for me. And its only right that I care for you too.
And that last part? It actually makes no sense.
"to laugh and you"
Rrrrriiiiiiiight...........See this is the "stupid" part I was talking about. Princess Asshat, you gotta work on this okay? I am no grammar or typo Nazi so I am going to forgive you. I will let it slide. Its really is embarrassing for you to type all that sooo passionately in your denial of love for me and get that last part wrong. Really. Good thing you didn't give a name or url to follow back to eh? Or otherwise that would be sooooooooooooooooooooo embarrassing for you.
Now I shall await your reply and I so wish that this time you sign in using the name I gave you coz its just sooooooooooo pretty. And its okay to hate me. Its okay. I don't want you to go to sleep hating yourself because you hate me. I want you to always repeat this to yourself:
"Its okay to hate people that are much better than me. Its okay to be jealous. Its okay to hate the Constantly Dramatic One because she is famous and people like her when I couldn't make friends and have a tiny baby dick- even if I am a woman. Its okay."
Just keep on repeating that until you fall asleep. There's no shame in that. And the next morning when you wake up, remember its a brand new day to hate on me because I am everything that you aspire to be but you can never become. Now before I leave you, please do feel free to leave more typo laden hate comments because in doing so, you validate the fact that yes I am famous and yes, I am better than you in every way that is possible.
I love you always and forever Princess Asshat.