Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Look Ma! I'm feh-mes.



I read once somewhere before that only blogs that have a considerable amount of traffic gets spam. I never really give it thought until one day I begin receiving spam in my comment box. I was like "What the fuck bitch? No I don't want to see your saggy titties and no I am happy with my penis. I do not need enlargement pills."........ when it occurs to me that Dramatic Musings is getting spammed.




Whoa dude, I am getting spammed. Fuck yeah! The Constantly Dramatic One has finally found a teeny weeny corner of my own in this huge world of the interweb - as they say back in the day. I'm still getting spammed now and I always reject them but the attention whore in me relishes the fact that I have spam.
To reject. Fuck yeah.



Then today I came home from a nerve wrecking day of presentations and espionage (don't ask) in college; I took a shower, I had my dinner I sat in front of the computer and I begin moderating comments. Oh lookie, lookie
Quin left comments, so did Evie, Elisabeth and Maverick but oh what's that? Anonymous?



What did it say? Well then, let me copy and paste for you dear blog readers.



"Oh please, shut up already. Grow up, lose A LOT of weight, and stop lying about things that has been happening in your life. You're trying too hard to fit in. OH wait, don't then it'll not be fun to laugh and you."






Wow. My first hater. I have a hater.



HOLY MOTHER OF GAWD!!!! I have haters! I'm famous bitches!!!






Ohmygawd I dunno who you are dear Anonymous but you truly made my day. I know, I know you posted this under my Weakest Link post but I was sooooooo excited I accidentally deleted it but good thing I have another copy in my email. Now I know that you want me to shut up but really I can't. Not because I can't but if I do what would you be hating on? The only reason for your existence is to become my number one hater and I will respect your need for that. I will honour that. I will not shut up so that you can fill in the void in your life by hating me.


See? I care for you.



And you know what you are sooo truly very special to me. No one have ever told me to grow up, to shut up and to lose weight all in a sentence. You care don't you? You do care for me and although I know you say that all in anger I understand there is a thin line between love and hate. And deep down inside you do love me don't you? That's why you read my blog when you can do so much more with your life.....assuming of course that you do have a life. That's why you told me to grow up because you don't want me to embarrass myself by acting silly. You want me to stop bitching so that I appear more ladylike and you want me to lose weight because you think I could be more beautiful than what I already am. Although, c'mon who are we kidding? More beautiful? Puhllleassssse, there's nothing on me that need fixin but, but.....oh babes, I feel the love. I do. Thank you for caring ever so much.



And I don't lie about things that are happening in my life. I am just dramatic in the retelling because that's I am. I am dramatic and dramatics isn't lying. Its entertaining babes. Ohhhhhh you know I feel so awkward not knowing who you are and where you come from. I think I will name you. I will call you Princess
Asshat. Cute right? Anything for you babes.



But you know there's one thing that I do have to disagree with you. I never try to fit in. I am a team player but never in my life do I give a damn in fitting in but its okay. You and I we are just getting to know each other and its fine. I suggest that you go back into the archives and read all my entries and get to know the Constantly Dramatic One better. As my Number One Hater, I hate for you to come off sounding stupid. Which you actually kinda are, but its okay. We can remedy that. Together. The next time you come up with your aggressive love messages for me, I want you to be better, smarter and wittier. You care for me. And its only right that I care for you too.



And that last part? It actually makes no sense.




"to laugh and you"





Rrrrriiiiiiiight...........See this is the "stupid" part I was talking about. Princess Asshat, you gotta work on this okay? I am no grammar or typo Nazi so I am going to forgive you. I will let it slide. Its really is embarrassing for you to type all that sooo passionately in your denial of love for me and get that last part wrong. Really. Good thing you didn't give a name or url to follow back to eh? Or otherwise that would be sooooooooooooooooooooo embarrassing for you.



Now I shall await your reply and I so wish that this time you sign in using the name I gave you coz its just sooooooooooo pretty. And its okay to hate me. Its okay. I don't want you to go to sleep hating yourself because you hate me. I want you to always repeat this to yourself:


"Its okay to hate people that are much better than me. Its okay to be jealous. Its okay to hate the Constantly Dramatic One because she is famous and people like her when I couldn't make friends and have a tiny baby dick- even if I am a woman. Its okay."


Just keep on repeating that until you fall asleep. There's no shame in that. And the next morning when you wake up, remember its a brand new day to hate on me because I am everything that you aspire to be but you can never become. Now before I leave you, please do feel free to leave more typo laden hate comments because in doing so, you validate the fact that yes I am famous and yes, I am better than you in every way that is possible.

I love you always and forever Princess Asshat.




27 comments:

MK said...

congrats on your first hate mail ^^

faye said...

Brilliant...CD.

Tell it as it is :)

Tine said...

Hahaha, this is certainly not a common way of addressing anonymous haters, but my my, what a great way of getting back ;)

I had comments like this too, quite some time back. It was stupid, because they were trolls lurking in my blog, giving lewd and horrible comments under another blogger's name. That was beyond cowardly. I had to check with the actual blogger if she actually wrote that comment. I know she didn't because I've been following her blog for a while, and even her angry words don't sound like childish as the words left on my blog. Anyways, that really pissed me off, and I had to moderate my comments for a few months after that just to settle things down.

e.j. said...

please give us princess asshat's IP address so we can show her/him/it our love too!!

-fie

Prince Gomolvilas said...

Hate mail! You have crossed over into blog immortality!

Patt Irmina said...

hi CD,
i just simply loveeeee the sarcasm in this post. love it! =)

if i would be you, i would be slashing that person using every harsh words i could manage to think of, but here..the way you put it, im amazed. u made it much much much more interesting. bravo! i need to learn to be sarcastic too, i think.hehe..

p i n k r o s i e s said...

Ah loves you too, you gorgeous creature!

Betcha its your tweety freak behind the comments. She didn't leave her name coz her knees hurt :P

gypsy-on-the-move said...

ooooo...you're famous!!! I am so happy for you babe!

Elisabeth said...

Haha, people should know better than to flame the Constantly Dramatic One...

I've heard rumours about the voodoo she does, you know...

Tinesh said...

Awww dear CD's got a hater!! How I wish I had one on my blog..Lucky you..BTW, if any of you ppl think that CD lies about stuff that happens, she doesnt. I know her personally and all she does is dramatify (is dat even a word?) everything..Princess Asshat (it's either ass-hat or ass-shat) hi! drop by my blog and do leave a hate message..I wanna be famous too!!!

mell said...

wtf. the shit has hit the fan! woooooottttt! =D

but why be anonymous, asshat?

you can't hide forever.

constant drama said...

MK:

Whhhhhy thank you. Im waiting for my second one now.

Faye:

Well I care Faye. I care. And because I care I do need to point the fact that yes, I am better than Princess Asshat in everyway that is possible.

Truth hurts but I care too much to not let Princess Asshat knows.

Tine:

Where the hell did this trolls came from anyways? Is there a factory where they breed them? Like seriously.

e.j:

I will get it. And I will mail it to you. Fo sho.

constant drama said...

Prince:

I KNOW!!!! But I only pissed off one apparently. You managed to upset the tween population the world over. Mad props for that.

I can never be as great as you Prince. I am humbled. *bows down and stare in wonder*

Patt Irmina:

Oh man. I learned sarcasm from the Ultimate Mistress of Passive Agressiveness: Cheesecakeerian. Go check out her blog. And when you do, you too will be enlightened.

True story.

Pink Rosies:

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!! That's brilliant! Yeah me think so too. Well too stupid to write properly too coz her knees hurts.

Cos you know, her kness is where her brain resides after all......

Gypsy:

I am soooo happy for me too! =P

Elisabeth:

These bitches....they never learn do they? Le sigh.

And bout the vodoo? Keep it hush hush ;-p

constant drama said...

To Princess Asshat,

Im waiting babes. Come on now, dont be shy. I roll out the red carpet if you want me too.Anything to make you feel special. And that's just coz I care for you ever so much. Like the way you care for me.

And remember I love you. Always and forever.

e.j. said...

princess asshat where are you!!

Maverick SM said...

I have lots of hate mails too... they hate what I write... political bigotry; but that's what I'm.

Anyway, it does help the heart to beat better; a kind of heart exercise.

And you are having that exercise too...hahahaha.

But I got lots of those spams on penis enlargement; those advertiser had no respect for my dickhead brother.

Valerie said...

Woooweee! You go girl!

Quin Browne said...

you have truly arrived when you get your own annon poster.


i'm so proud of you!!

evie said...

congratulations on your first hater!!! the road to stardom ain't easy haha.

constant drama said...

Tinesh:

Thanks man. Not that I need defending but appreaciate that nonetheless. =)

Mell:

Princess Asshat is very shy one. That's why under annoymous and until now, still nothing. Meh.


e.j:

Wondering the same thing too.

Maverick:

Holy crap Mave, you said dickhead. You...............*_*

Tee hee hee =p

constant drama said...

Valerie:

Thanks Val! =)

Quin:

I know! I have arrived and all thanks to Princess Asshat!

Evie:

Tell me about it. But damn, Princess Asshat wont leave anymore comments. Probably to shy with all the attention and all....

Tinesh said...

Itu kekawan suma mcm tulah..No need defending but we still do heh!

Turtle said...

hahahahahahahahaahahahhahahahahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah!

princess asshat! well, could be a he...but doesnt matter. he or she, still a BITCH! who's got nothing better to say or do.

cmon asshat!! fight back! show us your fury!

constant drama said...

Turtle:

I dont care whether he's a guy or girl, whatever it is he will always be a Princess to me because he is just that speacial.... =D

Technodoll said...

ooo! does the hater speak in a twitty-bird voice? do you think it could be miss pinhead? oooo!

I love ze dramah :-D

elfiejane said...

the princess is gone!

constant drama said...

Technodoll:

Yup it does.

Elfie:

I'll miss you =(