Monday, May 26, 2008

What's the appeal?


My parents have begun pressuring my sister and her husband to have babies. My parents apparently really, really want to become grandparents. I personally think this is icky. Its like every time they say; "Ooohh we want grandchildren." they're telling them to have more sex. Its wrong okay. Parents don't ask that of their children. Every time this topic is mention when we go out for dinner, I cringe.


Like "we want grandchildren" = "go have more sex that resulting in our firstborn to be impregnated". I am sure my parents are aware of the activity that involves making babies. How they would know about that, I really, really, reaaaaaaly do not want to know. But I am making an educated guess here that they do. So I mean, come on. Am I the only one seeing this?



The Constantly Dramatic One doesn't like children. In my opinion they are annoying little buggers with sticky finger that should always -at all times- be at least 20 feet away from me. Its not like that I hate children, although it might come off like that I just merely do not know how to deal with them. In order to interact with people, I use my charming personality and my witty observations on life. I cannot do this with children seeing that they have yet to develop the mental capacity. But once they do, I'm completely cool with them. Once my nieces and nephews (the children of my cousin, they're still my nieces and nephews right? Or are they my second cousins? Meh.) hit the 11 year old mark and quite capable or conversation, they no longer have to obey the 20-feet-away rule. They can come and roll with me.


Its the little ones. I don't get it when people, especially women, ooohs and ahhhs when they see little babies. I know some women who thinks all babies are cute, just because they're babies. I hate the burst your bubble hun, but some babies are just ugly. And annoying. Toddlers are annoying. Observe:



Oouuuuu I'm hungry. Feed me. *cries*
I'm so cute. Pat me. *cries*
Like everyone have to take care of me even though they have other things to do. *cries*
Oh I cannot eat properly and there's stains everywhere. *cries*






Annnnnnoooying. What is their appeal? Why do people like them? Some of them are cute. I agree. But from afar. Kids are only cute from afar. They are only cute when they don't have their sticky fingers all over my outfit. They are only cute when they are not tugging my hair. They are only cute when they obey the 20-feet rule. People that need constant attention and undivided adoration irritates the hell out of me. This is why I don't like children. Also I don't like dogs because of the same reason. Clingy.



After all this you'll be surprised to know that I do want to have a kid. One child. Only one. I'll use a surrogate mother so that I don't have to squeeze him/her out of my vagina. That shit hurts man. Also no breast feeding. The only one that have full access to my nipples is Clive, stuff the kid. I'll send him/her to a boarding school in Timbuktu.... or Bora Bora- depends on which one I can afford, which of course sufficiently keeps the kid's sticky fingers away from my hair. Then when the kid turns 13, he/she can come home and gets to know Mommy.


Its a plan.

20 comments:

Melissa said...

oh my god this post totally had me in stitches!!! ROTFLMFAO!!!

you're right about toddlers n pre-schoolers. they can be annoying as hell especially when they have uncivilised parents to raise them which of course result in them being incredibly rude. ohh i have tonnes of those around my neighbourhood i just wanna shoot them all.

but, but... babies are insanely adorable CD!

Tinesh said...

Have sex, be healthy!

And babies. You gotta know how to handle em..I love babies. Duno why tho haha.. NOT A PAEDO!! kakaka

Natalija said...

God damn kids are annoying lil buggers. Don't forget the drool and the hingus, and the pungent smell of urine. Yuck!

Don't fret about kids babe. Angelina Jolie is going to adopt everyone of them soon enough.

She needs lots of them to grow and train her child army :P

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

you may not like them now but wait till one of your BIL's swimming sperms find its way into your sister's ovary, then becomes a foetus and eventually born into this world as a charming tiny human, your heart will melt. in no time you'll reach out to her/his cute little hands. and hey, this will scare the shit out of you; the CDO will be an adorable aunt for the kid to look up to.

fie the elf said...

Every time I point out an ugly baby people say I'm mean WTF. Some people are just blind.

I want to have a CUTE baby but I'm not liking the whole changing-nappy thing. I also don't like the idea of gaining 20 kgs cause I'd be craving for food like hell if I were to get preggers. And stretch marks! And yeah C Section any day.

Quin Browne said...

1. my daughters do not have sex. not even the one who had a baby last year. the baby just showed up, got it?

2. my sons are also virgins.

3. send the child away until it's 13, and then have it come home to get to know mommy?

aha.
ahahaha.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!


you forgot puberty...which is a belligerent two year old, who has grown taller, and can slam doors harder.


*tears of laughter*



ps so right on the nursing.. who wants a 34 d(for droop)

Zikri said...

constant_d Says:
January 7th, 2008 at 11:51 pm

Alamak, comel nyer budak tu!! Geram tengok!

*coughcoughcough*

Tine said...

Err didn't your sister JUST get married? Wah so fast already asking for grandkids :p Anyways, I'm so with you on the I-don't-like-children bit. Love the cute clothes, the crying, shitting part, not so much.

PS: Oh, btw, breast-feeding knocks off all the pregnancy weight just like that. That's what I heard from my friends who are mothers. I'm just sayin' ;)

Fieran said...

You'll be amazed how things change in the future ;)

Maverick SM said...

Baby is something you'll like in the years to come; believe me!

It is something which all women will want and of which has the closest attachment in their life.

You are young and it is good that you take time to built your career and a future destiny before you consider chaining yourself to a man.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Melissa:

I have come across some really horribly rude ones. I just want to ninja kick them out of the window. But then I realise you know, thats cruelty againts children and I could be jailed. So I just give them dirty looks instead.

Not all babies are adoreable. Some look like monkeys. True story.

T-man:

Sure bout that?

Natalija:

You hate kids? But you work with them! LOL.

Kerp:

"wait till one of your BIL's swimming sperms find its way into your sister's ovary,"

Wrong Kerp. Just wrong.....oh the mental image....=S

Fie:

I KNOW!! I mean if the baby is ugly than I am gona call it for what it is. Okay? Its not my fault that your baby is ugly. So stop calling me a bitch, stupid bitch.

And oh C-section give you giant horrible scar. I'm telling you, surrogate mothers are the only way to go.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Quin:

I see....denial is key. Right? And oh yeah puberty. Damn forgot about that. I gave my mom so much shit during that and then 5 years that follows that.......

Screw this having kid thing. I'm not cut for it.

Zikri:

Dammit! I cant believe you go back in your archive to get that. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!! Well to be fair, the kid is obeying the 20-feet rule. Riiigggghhht?

Tine:

I know! Just got married in Feb. Not even a year. Oh so you wont be having any kids anytime soon too?

Fieran:

Yeah instead of sending the kid to Bora Bora or Timbuktu, I'll send em to Lithunia. Right? =p

Mave:

................. Not all women want babies. I resent that generalization but yeah. We'll see.

Zikri said...

i'm petty like that ;P

anyway, babies are ok. from my experience with my many nieces and nephews, they dont have icky fingers, baby drool is not sticky, just.. wet. and being able to snuggle them and play with them is a joy that has no match. even getting to carry them is a happy thing especially if they're "sombong"

its when they start talking that they become annoying buggers especially if they're rude.. mostly around the age of 5-10

the hair pulling can be annoying but they're just curious, or in some cases they think you're cute, like one of my nieces when she was young and when i had short hair, always liked to tug my hair when i was watching tv.

Natalija said...

And that's why I left after a month :) no more working!

Fieran said...

I agree with you. Not all women want babies. But you just never know. Maybe in 5 years time, things will change. You'll fall madly in love with some hottie and all you'll be able to think of will be procreating. *evil laugh*

farid said...

awww come on, you don't like kids? i find that hard to believe. EVERYONE likes kids!

i like kids, especially on toast. it's the bones that give it the extra crunch.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Zikri:

Wow. Abundance of knowledge when it comes to kids. I am impressed. It show that you have courage and well, more patience than I will EVER have.

Natalija:

Go work in a gym. Got loads of hot chicks there. You like that riiiight.... ;-p

Fieran:

Ahahahahahah. Hhmmm...."falling in love". That's an interesting concept. These days I only fall in lust ;-p

Farid:

But I prefer them burn alive in my oven....after I lure them with my house made of candies and cakes. You know how it works....*evil laugh*

Elisabeth said...

Haha! Great post!

And you know, there is not much worse than seeing a really ugly baby and having to pretend to coo over it....

Yikes.

Michelle said...

I know I'm a little late on this post but...at least you're honest about it! If you don't want kids, don't have them.

By the way, I only like my own kids. Most others annoy me. That's just me, though.

evie said...

i don't know what to do with kids. sure babies are cute from a distance - cos i don't have to hold them (wouldn't know how to actually) and kids are too tiring. they have too much energy an i get tired from watching them. my maternal instinct isn't kicking in yet then... hmm...