Friday, May 16, 2008

A massage and an extra somthin somthin......

I might have been inside a brothel today.
I'm very disturbed.

I was driving around town today searching for some stuff when I realised that there were a whole lot of spas and massage places around my area. Those that cater to full body massage, sauna, body detoxifying, etc...basically things that are up my alley. These places were everywhere so I got sidetracked from my primary mission and instead went on a spa hunting mission. I was driving around around when I saw this huge banner spread out. It says:

Operation hours 9am - 11pm

Dude, I got super excited. The cheapest I have paid for a full body massage was RM92. Yes, stress on the word "cheap". Bullshit. So when I saw "RM50" I got super excited. I can get a full body massage twice a month now. I called the place up and a woman with a thick Chinese accent answered the phone. She told me to speak in Malay coz she can't understand English. Than she told me that they have more promotion and now its actually RM45 for a one hour full body massage. Fucking RM45 for a one hour body massage. That's 47 less compared to my "cheapest" massage. I got super excited and since I was parked in front of the building I asked her if I can come in now and get one done and she's like yeah of course.

The moment I walked in I knew something was off. First of I have been to a number of spas and massages places. They always have that relaxing theme going for them. Scented candles, running water, ginger tea the whole nine yards. This place have none of that. The only thing in the reception area was the receptionist desk. Other than that it was an empty room...and she was completely alone, until I come.

Then I was like "Hey before anything, could I see your massage area. I'm very particular about comfort....". She took me to a big hall. In the hall there were like these....little cubicles. Its not a cubicle. Its more like they hang curtain in between to make each "room". The "rooms" were all about 6x5...I think. There were thin mattresses spread out on the floor of each room. And they weren't clean. Have you ever pictured in your mind how illegal immigrants of 20 live in one tiny room. Yeah, that shit. And worst of all the place, the supposedly relaxing massage place - reeks of sweat, urine and other bodily fluids. Its dodgy as hell.

I told her that I change my mind, I forgot that I have a family thing I had to get ready for. By this time my hand was in my bag clutching my pepper spray, I was very nervous. I figured if there is any sudden movement I will pepper spray this bitch and make a run for it. But she only look irritated and she told me to come back anytime. They're open until 3 in the morning.

A massage place that's open until 3 in the morning.

Before I left I noticed that behind the reception table there was another room. I took a peek inside and it was a waiting room. A blue sofa with holes in it, a number of assorted mismatched chairs and men's magazine spread out on the coffee table.

Lets put two and two together:

1) Full body massage = RM45
2) Lacks of any deco. Merely the massage cubicles and nothing else.
3) Filthy.
4) Reeks of urine, sweat and I'm pretty sure....semen.
5) Men's magazine on the coffee table.
6) Open until 3 in the morning.

Holy crap dude, I think I have single handedly discovered an erotic massage parlour. And holy crap it pretty near to home. What the fuck kind of area do I live in?!! That place was so filthy. I could feel the STD in the air. I'm not kidding you. Maybe there were like syphilis molecules still in the air and when I went in it probably gets stuck on me. Great. Now I will fucking get syphilis without actually engaging in any promiscuous premarital sex activities. Fuck.

I bolted out of the place as soon as possible. I was practically running down the stairs. Shit man. I felt filthy. Than I noticed that there was a spa across the street. The proper type like you see in shopping malls. With glass for doors and their messues in clean uniforms. I was looking at the brochures (RM 82; full body, one hour) when I asked the ladies about the place that I have been too. Then I told them that I came from there and they look scandalized. I asked if anything...dodgy goes on there. "We never been in there, but their customers usually come at night when we are closing. Round 9.30ish. Mostly men.....they have lots of China girls working there." Note, China girls as in from Mainland China.

7) Costumers come late at night.
8) Male costumers.
9) Mainland China girls.

Shit man. Does an erotic massage parlour counts as a brothel? Its still a form of sex service right so that counts. Dear God in Heaven, I was in brothel. Shiiittt.....What should I do? Should I just forget about it? Should I file a report? But last time I've checked, in Malaysia's dumbass legal system erotic massage is not a crime.

Whatever it is, all I know is that I cannot shower enough to get the filth of that place out of me. Its in my pores. Its in my hair. Fucking shampooed my hair 3 times already. I probably need to shave my head bald to get it all out. And have a check up for STD. I probably have crabs now. More logical than syphilis.

Great, I have crabs and I'm not even getting laid.


Technodoll said...

Guess you won't be having crab salad for dinner :-D

he he. i live in a good neighborhood, clean and residential with lots of kids around. Well.

There is this massage parlour a block away... changes names every few months. Has sheets in the window, a hand-painted sign on the door.

Customers: all male
Workers: all young asian girls

How I know this: my hairdresser is right across the street and they see eeeeverything.

ugg. ugg. ugg. INFESTATION for LOSERS!

Peter Varvel said...

Omg, you need to dip your entire body in rubbing alcohol!
Here in Los Angeles, there are massage therapy schools where students have to fulfill a certain amount of practice hours. You can get a wonderful discount on a full body massage without making an appointment. Just walk in during business hours! (daytime)
The schools are certified and legit.
Maybe they have schools like that in your neighborhood or nearby city?

Quin Browne said...

did they offer a 'happy ending'?

that's your sign it's not, um, legit.

Michelle said...

LMAO! I can't believe you went in there! I'm pretty sure you needn't file a's probably well known.

Now I feel all itchy. Ick.

Tine said...


Sorry, I just couldn't help it. That was just hilarious :P

Okok, on a much more serious note, girl, you gotta be careful when going to places like these ALONE. Spa = indulgence = spend shitloads of money. It's worth it. So stick to the good stuff yeah? :)

Zikri said...

report to the authorities, either they raid the place or become customers, if customers,.. well you can report them to even higher authorities and watch the fireworks explode

Patt Irmina said...

ouh...eww..! *speechless* eww..!

Anonymous said...

Probably best to get the opinion of a med student who reads the blog to really satisfy yourself. I don't think you are in any danger but a good doctor will put your mind at rest as well.

You just feel a bit morally violated and that will pass when you realise it was just a mistake.

Tinesh said...

I told you in the bus..the Mac thing must be some McD campaign to enter the music world..

Anonymous said...

sofa with holes.


zewt said...

Now I will fucking get syphilis without actually engaging in any promiscuous premarital sex activities.

sure...? hahahahaha....

Elisabeth said...

Hahaha, oh you poor thing! I feel dirty just reading that *shudders*

Although, useful to keep in your address book in case you ever fall on hard times and need a job ;-) Only kidding!!!!!


Maverick SM said...

It's always safer and better to go to Spas that have reputations and known.

There's just too many of these massage places that are whorehouse. So, be careful and don't look at the price.

I think Sri Hartamas have many spas which are great places.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


So its everywhere.....=0


Dude, trust me. This aint no massage school. Its freaaakaaaay.... =S


Well, I didnt ask. She didn't say...but I think I seriously do not need to ask anything. That place was like soooooooo dodgy. And wrong. And I was in there.



If you feel itchy, guess what I am feeling. Urrrrghhhhh....

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


YES!! You know what I rather fork out money than ever been in this kind of situation EVER AGAIN. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.



So when filing the report what should I say?

"I stumbled upon an erotic massage parlour not because I was in search of such services, but because I am a dumbass."?

......because I think I am.....*sadness*


I know...I know..... =S


Hey that's a brilliant idea. My bestfriend from highschool is a medical student. I will ask her. Its probably nothing but that place was filthy. And just wrong.... =S

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


Oh this is for the last post right? Probably lah. "McD in the Hood" program.

Your theory is valid my friend. *pats you on the back*


Trust me dude. The holes in the sofa is NOT the worst thing at this place.



Sure lah. I am good Muslim girl. Tell my daddy than you know =p


I rather hang myself than go work there. For real.

Melissa said...

oh my god!!!

that's so f***ing scary. not to mention, crazy.

thank god you manage to flee that goddamned place and return in one piece.

be alot more careful next time babe.

fie the elf said...


I bet the receptionist was thinking, 'Hmm does she want a massage or out SPECIAL massage..'

Brickfields has a lot of whorehouses and I'd walk pass them at lunch time while I was interning at Da Huang :(

Tinesh said...

EH!!! hahah silap brothel?? Some ppl I noe have had bad fucking experience..

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


I rather pay more than get into that kinda situation ever again. Takut lah.....Mave, do you think I should report or keep quite?


I know!! I got lucky this time. And you know what's worst? No one know where I was. I mean I did not tell anyone that I went off spa hunting. If anything could have happened, no one have a clue....

Like all those stories in Crime Library =S


That's why I keep away from Brickfields. I think that place is like...well not safe lah. Loads of druggies and hookers.

Then terkena sendiri in my own town. What lah. So ironic.


Some ppl you know go to brothels....dude....dude.....WTF? That's so wrong. I dont even wanna know. What actually I do.

Tell me more, tell me moreee... =p

ohnoaini said...


I cannot stop laughing. sgt sgt sgt hilarious.

goodness imagine someone u know saw you walking out of the brothel. like a gossipy neighbor. like u say, ud be scandalized beyond repair right there.

nasib baik u didnt come in after dark and there were no sleazy orang tua gatal customers there. blegh.

seriously, ur mistake was so wicked and retarded, it was awesome :P

Anonymous said...

OOh Ooh!! I've seen a real life prostitute!!


Ugly as fuck. I have no idea who would pay for them when you can't help but cringe everytime you look at their face.

And AND!! I've seen a tranny prostitute too!! With maddona-esque pointy boobs! Dude, I'm so messed up.

Prince Gomolvilas said...

Whores are people too!

Quin Browne said...

by the way, sweet cheeks, i tagged your ass.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


It was without a shadow of a doubt a mistake of epic stupidity. Yeah I was there round 3pm. So tengahhari kan so no one was there lah. Kalau terserempak lah with any horny old men...ish....disimpang malaikat tul lah.

I am sooo traumatized by this.


Dude, you ever been to chowkit road uh? Like just drive there malam-malam tgk Tranny? I have coz I have no life. Nampak sorang rupa J.Lo. Serious!!

As for hookers.......abroad lah. I saw international hookers, not Malaysian hookers. LOL!


I know that. But I still gonna discriminate againts them. And the men who hire them.

So sue me.


I will get on it....eventually.....

Fabulously Broke said...


At least you didn't pay for one

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Fabulously Broke:

I know!!!

Anonymous said...


Hahahaha so farnieee... U're getting crabs without getting laid.. Nice one there LoL.

evie said...

i've missed so many of your posts so here's a very delayed comment from me to boot:

yucks! but also hehe. at least now i know to stay away for sure. consider this experience and post as some sort of psa. "stay away from cheapie massage places kids" :p

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


Thank you, Thank you. Totally thought of that all by myself =P


Yes I rather fork out the money than be caught in that kind of situation. Ever. Again.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm...did she have big titties? she love you long time,,well at least 15 minutes!