Tuesday, May 06, 2008

27 donkey balls





27 Dresses sucks donkey balls. There I say it. Definite spoiler ahead, please don't read if you think of wasting your time on this movie sometime in the future. Let the bitching commence!





So there's a chick. Her name is Jane. She really likes weddings. Weddings is her "calling". She says that in the beginning of the movie just because of something that happened when she was 8 years old. A cousin who happens to be a bride ripped her dress and she helped the bride fixed it hence she found her calling as bridesmaid. She even likened herself to the likes of Picasso, Mozart and all the other musical greats.




Bitch please. You just sew the dress back on with a ribbon.





And who finds her calling as bridesmaid? Honestly. If you like weddings so much than become a wedding planner since through the movie all she does is plans the wedding for the brides. She does all the planning -without payment and out of the kindness of her heart- all 27 weddings. Doormat much?





You know which part of the movie is the moment that I realized that I just wasted 1 1/2 hours of my life? When she, Jane attended two weddings a night. As the bridesmaid. Oh of course there's nothing wrong with that but guess what it was Christian wedding and an Indian wedding in a night. So she struck the deal with the cab driver $300 if he would just cater her up and down from both weddings. She will cut 20bucks each time he looks behind as she is changing.





So this woman, took off her dress and go stark naked in the back of a cab and trusted that the cab driver to not look. She also changed from a dress into a sari in the back of the cab.





Changed into a sari. At the back of a cab.





Yeah right. Please I know there is such a thing as suspension of disbelief. I give you that. But changing into a sari at the back of a cab is just pushing it. First of have you ever worn a sari? I haven't but I seen people do. And trust me, its a bitch. It requires at least 2 people to tie it properly for you and it also requires the person in the sari to be standing up. So how that woman managed to change into a sari at the back of the cab and come off looking pristine is beyond me. And who the fuck goes naked at the back of a cab?





Pssssss babes, You're wearing the sari backwards.



Lets examine this. A man is driving the cab. A man that is a complete stranger. And then you come in and stripped at the back of the cab. Excuse me! Are you insane?!! Do you wanna get raped? Weren't this shot in New York? Like which crazy bitch stripped at the back of a cab and thinks its all fine and dandy? Stupid bitch, he could have drove you anywhere and then call his buddies up and the next day you will be in front of the paper "Stupid bitch gang raped by cab drivers. Body found in a torn sari by the Manhattan river".




And oh get this, Katherine Heigl who looks like this:









Plays the dumpy sister. Now lets just scroll back up to the picture above and think about that again.......




You can of course say "CD, she's just acting. That's what she do. She's an actress." Now, see... I know that. I am after all a student of the mass communication lore. That is of course speaking logically. But fuck that shit. If she is the dumpy sister, than WHAT THE HELL AM I?!! Have you seen my sister? Have you seen me? Oh woe self esteem, where have you gone too? Fucking Hollywood. Giving me inferior complex.




Fuck you Hollywood!! Fuck you!




Screw this. I'm not eating till next Thursday.

18 comments:

Jamie said...

I just seen this yesterday. It was pretty bad haha

Michelle said...

Just watch HBO's Taxi Cab Confessions...plenty of people go naked (and so much more) in this show.

And speaking of dumpy, a friend of mine took pictures of us at Shane's 1st Communion and after seeing them, I was at the gym EVERY DAY FOR A WEEK. ARGH!

YOU are not dumpy.

Zikri said...

Thank God I'm a guy, even bad movies can be somewhat redeemed if it has enough explosions and sexy women.

Also you're all nice and huggable, i dont see whats wrong with that :P

Elisabeth said...

Oh my god... she's the dumpy sister? There is no hope.

As for the film, I saw the trailer and thought it looked utter dog-poo.

Thanks for saving me the trouble of finding out for myself ;)

Peter Varvel said...

Don't do it, CD! Don't buy into the false idols and images that Hollywood wants you to worship. It's all a ploy to keep our self-esteem in the gutter so that we will continue to pour all of our hard-earned money into stupid products that we think will make us look better.
Making your eyelids blue or green makes you more beautiful?
HELLOOOOOO??!!

Technodoll said...

Um, I couldn't even get through the freaking trailer - no way was I ever gonna rent the DVD.

Lame! emaL! I'm sorry you wasted your time and money on this piece o'shite :-o

evie said...

first of all, i never intended to watch this movie because after grey's anatomy, i really cannot tahan this woman anymore. and secondly, now that you've given your review all the more i'm staying away!

Tinesh said...

Actually there are diff ways to tie the saree but the main purpose (i think) for the long, draping part is to cover the chest..Stupid white fucks..

I cant believe I actually wana study there..Its perpetually filled with idiots and morons. Led by one too

fie the elf said...

I HATE STUPID KATHERINE HEIGL

Constant Drama said...

Jamie:

I KNOW! I wanted to stab myself in the eye.

Michelle:

Thank you Michelle. Thank you :o)

Zikri:

You know, that right. Guys are so easily amused. Nice and huggable huh? Thanks!

Elisabeth:

Indeed, there is no hope.
I loathe Hollywood.

Constant Drama said...

Peter:

"Making your eyelids blue or green makes you more beautiful?"

OMG! I though I was the only one. And yes, I totally agree with you. Its a ploy. Its aaaaallllll a ploy!

Technodoll:

I'm sorry too. Indeed I am.

Evie:

Duuuudeee, I dont watch GA but I heard she's annoying as hell in there.

Tinesh:

Go read Cheesecakeerian's blog. She blogged bout this and let her feeling known about wanting to go study there. And I completely agree with her.

Fie:

I heard ya girlfriend, I heard ya.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

i skipped the reading part because i didnt know 27 dresses is actually a name of a movie in the first place. gotta be one of those typical chic flicks huh?

but hey, i enjoyed looking at the pictures tho. she looks sweet in that saree...lets hold the thread while she walk away...she'll look even sweeter...ahhh...

Michelle said...

Yes, there are some westerners who are ignorant and stupid. Please, I live here and am sometimes in total disbelief by some people's attitudes. I'm half Japanese and half German, and have been told that is not possible. Huh? But we're not all bad over here!!!! The stupid assholes are always more obvious than the normal ones. And honestly, we can barely identify parts of our own country much less the rest of the world. It's just how it is.

Kuan said...

mmmm....donkey balls....

Constant Drama said...

Kerp:

Super typical in its stupidity and extreme suspension of disbelief. Pretty much the same with your typical formulaic action movies too I guess.

Michelle:

You go babe! Tell it AS IT IS. And I didnt know you're half German and Japanese. Which eyes do you have? German's or Japanese ones? I'm all curious now.

Kuan:

Yesssss, donkey balls.........

Quin Browne said...

i live in new york.

it would happen.


but, changing to a sari? no way. as a script supervisor, i'd have pointed that out... would i be listened to? i doubt it. they wanted BIG changes....


you could see what was going to happen from the beginning.

what i didn't buy was all of the former brides fitting into those former bridesmaids dresses at the end.

ps if it helps, she smokes like a chimney...
however, it was sweet revenge.

Constant Drama said...

Quin:

Okay....so people do go naked at the back of a cab? Interesting.

Oh yeah, and all of them could fit her size. Suuuure........

The woman irritates me. Seriously. Dunno why. Its the face, the voice. All very annoying.

Fabulously Broke said...

She is SO FAR from dumpy it isn't even funny

I get the idea behind the movie, and it was a good watch on the train, but not one I'd love to keep forever