27 donkey balls

27 Dresses sucks donkey balls. There I say it. Definite spoiler ahead, please don't read if you think of wasting your time on this movie sometime in the future. Let the bitching commence!

So there's a chick. Her name is Jane. She really likes weddings. Weddings is her "calling". She says that in the beginning of the movie just because of something that happened when she was 8 years old. A cousin who happens to be a bride ripped her dress and she helped the bride fixed it hence she found her calling as bridesmaid. She even likened herself to the likes of Picasso, Mozart and all the other musical greats.

Bitch please. You just sew the dress back on with a ribbon.

And who finds her calling as bridesmaid? Honestly. If you like weddings so much than become a wedding planner since through the movie all she does is plans the wedding for the brides. She does all the planning -without payment and out of the kindness of her heart- all 27 weddings. Doormat much?

You know which part of the movie is the moment that I realized that I just wasted 1 1/2 hours of my life? When she, Jane attended two weddings a night. As the bridesmaid. Oh of course there's nothing wrong with that but guess what it was Christian wedding and an Indian wedding in a night. So she struck the deal with the cab driver $300 if he would just cater her up and down from both weddings. She will cut 20bucks each time he looks behind as she is changing.

So this woman, took off her dress and go stark naked in the back of a cab and trusted that the cab driver to not look. She also changed from a dress into a sari in the back of the cab.

Changed into a sari. At the back of a cab.

Yeah right. Please I know there is such a thing as suspension of disbelief. I give you that. But changing into a sari at the back of a cab is just pushing it. First of have you ever worn a sari? I haven't but I seen people do. And trust me, its a bitch. It requires at least 2 people to tie it properly for you and it also requires the person in the sari to be standing up. So how that woman managed to change into a sari at the back of the cab and come off looking pristine is beyond me. And who the fuck goes naked at the back of a cab?

Pssssss babes, You're wearing the sari backwards.

Lets examine this. A man is driving the cab. A man that is a complete stranger. And then you come in and stripped at the back of the cab. Excuse me! Are you insane?!! Do you wanna get raped? Weren't this shot in New York? Like which crazy bitch stripped at the back of a cab and thinks its all fine and dandy? Stupid bitch, he could have drove you anywhere and then call his buddies up and the next day you will be in front of the paper "Stupid bitch gang raped by cab drivers. Body found in a torn sari by the Manhattan river".

And oh get this, Katherine Heigl who looks like this:

Plays the dumpy sister. Now lets just scroll back up to the picture above and think about that again.......

You can of course say "CD, she's just acting. That's what she do. She's an actress." Now, see... I know that. I am after all a student of the mass communication lore. That is of course speaking logically. But fuck that shit. If she is the dumpy sister, than WHAT THE HELL AM I?!! Have you seen my sister? Have you seen me? Oh woe self esteem, where have you gone too? Fucking Hollywood. Giving me inferior complex.

Fuck you Hollywood!! Fuck you!

Screw this. I'm not eating till next Thursday.