If life is a musical, it'll totally be infinitely more ossum

Disclaimer: The following post consists of a whole lot of bullshit. A whole lot. Understand that you will never reclaim the time that you will have to use to read this bullshit. I just want you to know that, cause I respect you. And really, this entry is full of bullshit. I'm not kidding...............Don't say I didn't warn you.




So what time did you guys woke up today? What time?..........Oh, well if you were to be up around the time I woke up, which was round 6 in the morning and opened the window.......I swear you would have seen a sight that was almost too wonderful to behold.





The sun was shining, the trees were doing some kind of dance as the wind swept by, there was a rainbow somewhere in the distance, a family of robins up in the tree were singing a merry song and it was beautiful. So beautiful that if Monet were still alive, he would wept by the beauty of it all and then try to capture it in his painting. When he realizes that such beauty, such splendour, such delights of the world couldn't be captured even by someone as great as him, he would put away his brush, let out a sigh of contentment, take my hand, stare me deeply in the eyes and go...





"Tis beauty is too magnificent even for me, the great Claude Monet. For even I cannot capture it, tis is even more beautiful than my pond of water lilies, more beautiful than anything I have ever seen or painted....................but know this Ms. Drama, before I leave your world of make believe, cause when you think about it.......like what the hell am I doing in your backyard at 6 in the morning and talking to you in English when I'm French, I want you to know tis........You're ossum."





And with that he disappeared. He took with him the beauty of the morning. He took with him the sun, the rainbow, the robins and the wind that was gently caressing me up until then. All that left were me staring at my neighbour's maid hanging up the clothes to dry and the garbage track making a ruckus as it makes its way down the road. But yet, even without such beauty, I still feel happy.


This happiness in my heart is so delightful that I feel like anytime, at any given moment I would just burst in a song and dance number. Like in a musical. Goddamn, I wish my life is a musical. I wish I could start just singing on how happy I am, like you know....





"Oh happy happy joy joy!


I am so ossum!


Let's all dance around, and laugh gleefully together when we have never seen each other before,


And continue this merriment till the end of the song!"





Then random people consisting of school kids, soccer moms, construction workers, Indonesian maids, the ice cream man would just bust out in random synchronized dance move along with me. Monet would come out of nowhere and do a rap (in French) about what a glorious day it is. Then we all do a final complicated move consisting of a lot of back flips, twists and crotch thrusting, fireworks go up in the background, jazz hands, and that's the end of that song. Then we all move on with our lives as if nothing happened.





Ain't that fucking osssum?





Don't you wish that random people down the street would just bust out in synchronized dance move along with you? Dude, I totally do. I have always wanted that. Can you imagine how entertaining traffic jams would be if people would go out of their cars and start tap dancing on top of their cars instead? No, really....................think about it. This is the scenario:

Traffic jam. Bumper to bumper. 5 different cars, 5 different drivers, tapping their fingers on the steering wheels

then 5 collective sighs

Driver 1: Oh God

Driver 2: Oh boi

Ensemble: Why is there a traffic jam?

fingers tap (tap tap tap) collective sigh

Driver 1: Oh God

Driver 2: Oh boi

Collectively: Why is there a traffic jam?

fingers tap (tap tap tap), a car honking, tap, honk, tap, honk honk honk,

Driver 1: Fuck this!!! I cannot take this anyyyyyyymooooooooooreeeeeee

*opens door, gets out of car, loosen tie and walk towards the front of car staring in a distance*

Driver 3: Neither can't Iiiiiiiiiiiiii........"

*all driver get out*

Driver 4: Why must this happen to us?

Driver 5: Why must we endure this everyday?

Driver 1 & 3: Why must there be traffic?

Driver 2 & 4: What is there to be seeeeeen?"

Driver 5: Is it an accident? Did someone died? Why are you slowing down? Don't you want to get home?

Ensemble: Listen up my fellow Malaaaaaaysiaaaaannns, slowing down would not help aaaat alll. Listen to me now my fellow Malaaaaaaysiannnns, what should you do is step on the gas!!

Driver 1: So what if some Wira bang some Geeeennn Two? So what if they're dying by the roadside, who gives a damn? I want to get home, I have a wife toooo baaaaaaang....

Driver 4: So what if there's blood on the road, so what if the cops are theeere? I don't give a fuck, I want to go home. Doreamon is on, on NTV Seeeeeeveeeennn

Ensemble: Stop being nosy, stop being a bitch, just step on it on asshole, I wanna get home. No one want to be stuck in traffic for 7 hours, no one wanna sit on their ass for that long, we all want to be home, to rest and sleep, no one wanna stare at your fuuugly caaaarr. Stop being nosy, stop being a bitch, just step on it asshole, I wanna get home....."

Then this is the point in which everyone climbs on top of their car, start doing some tap dancing on the roof and then give each other the finger, as Malaysian are known to do during traffic jams.

That would totally be ossum. I mean when you're stuck on the highway wouldn't you want too see that too? Goddamn, that would be ossum. So ossum it'll be more ossum than me. I should start working on a script now...hhhmmmm.........

This is a clip of the ensemble of Improve Everywhere, where they did randomly started singing and dancing in the middle of a food court. I will kill to be part of this team. Please enjoy as I work on my script.