Thursday, October 16, 2008

If life is a musical, it'll totally be infinitely more ossum

Disclaimer: The following post consists of a whole lot of bullshit. A whole lot. Understand that you will never reclaim the time that you will have to use to read this bullshit. I just want you to know that, cause I respect you. And really, this entry is full of bullshit. I'm not kidding...............Don't say I didn't warn you.




So what time did you guys woke up today? What time?..........Oh, well if you were to be up around the time I woke up, which was round 6 in the morning and opened the window.......I swear you would have seen a sight that was almost too wonderful to behold.





The sun was shining, the trees were doing some kind of dance as the wind swept by, there was a rainbow somewhere in the distance, a family of robins up in the tree were singing a merry song and it was beautiful. So beautiful that if Monet were still alive, he would wept by the beauty of it all and then try to capture it in his painting. When he realizes that such beauty, such splendour, such delights of the world couldn't be captured even by someone as great as him, he would put away his brush, let out a sigh of contentment, take my hand, stare me deeply in the eyes and go...





"Tis beauty is too magnificent even for me, the great Claude Monet. For even I cannot capture it, tis is even more beautiful than my pond of water lilies, more beautiful than anything I have ever seen or painted....................but know this Ms. Drama, before I leave your world of make believe, cause when you think about it.......like what the hell am I doing in your backyard at 6 in the morning and talking to you in English when I'm French, I want you to know tis........You're ossum."





And with that he disappeared. He took with him the beauty of the morning. He took with him the sun, the rainbow, the robins and the wind that was gently caressing me up until then. All that left were me staring at my neighbour's maid hanging up the clothes to dry and the garbage track making a ruckus as it makes its way down the road. But yet, even without such beauty, I still feel happy.


This happiness in my heart is so delightful that I feel like anytime, at any given moment I would just burst in a song and dance number. Like in a musical. Goddamn, I wish my life is a musical. I wish I could start just singing on how happy I am, like you know....





"Oh happy happy joy joy!


I am so ossum!


Let's all dance around, and laugh gleefully together when we have never seen each other before,


And continue this merriment till the end of the song!"






Then random people consisting of school kids, soccer moms, construction workers, Indonesian maids, the ice cream man would just bust out in random synchronized dance move along with me. Monet would come out of nowhere and do a rap (in French) about what a glorious day it is. Then we all do a final complicated move consisting of a lot of back flips, twists and crotch thrusting, fireworks go up in the background, jazz hands, and that's the end of that song. Then we all move on with our lives as if nothing happened.





Ain't that fucking osssum?





Don't you wish that random people down the street would just bust out in synchronized dance move along with you? Dude, I totally do. I have always wanted that. Can you imagine how entertaining traffic jams would be if people would go out of their cars and start tap dancing on top of their cars instead? No, really....................think about it. This is the scenario:




Traffic jam. Bumper to bumper. 5 different cars, 5 different drivers, tapping their fingers on the steering wheels


then 5 collective sighs


Driver 1: Oh God


Driver 2: Oh boi


Ensemble: Why is there a traffic jam?


fingers tap (tap tap tap) collective sigh


Driver 1: Oh God


Driver 2: Oh boi


Collectively: Why is there a traffic jam?


fingers tap (tap tap tap), a car honking, tap, honk, tap, honk honk honk,


Driver 1: Fuck this!!! I cannot take this anyyyyyyymooooooooooreeeeeee


*opens door, gets out of car, loosen tie and walk towards the front of car staring in a distance*


Driver 3: Neither can't Iiiiiiiiiiiiii........"


*all driver get out*


Driver 4: Why must this happen to us?


Driver 5: Why must we endure this everyday?


Driver 1 & 3: Why must there be traffic?


Driver 2 & 4: What is there to be seeeeeen?"


Driver 5: Is it an accident? Did someone died? Why are you slowing down? Don't you want to get home?


Ensemble: Listen up my fellow Malaaaaaaysiaaaaannns, slowing down would not help aaaat alll. Listen to me now my fellow Malaaaaaaysiannnns, what should you do is step on the gas!!


Driver 1: So what if some Wira bang some Geeeennn Two? So what if they're dying by the roadside, who gives a damn? I want to get home, I have a wife toooo baaaaaaang....


Driver 4: So what if there's blood on the road, so what if the cops are theeere? I don't give a fuck, I want to go home. Doreamon is on, on NTV Seeeeeeveeeennn


Ensemble: Stop being nosy, stop being a bitch, just step on it on asshole, I wanna get home. No one want to be stuck in traffic for 7 hours, no one wanna sit on their ass for that long, we all want to be home, to rest and sleep, no one wanna stare at your fuuugly caaaarr. Stop being nosy, stop being a bitch, just step on it asshole, I wanna get home....."


Then this is the point in which everyone climbs on top of their car, start doing some tap dancing on the roof and then give each other the finger, as Malaysian are known to do during traffic jams.


That would totally be ossum. I mean when you're stuck on the highway wouldn't you want too see that too? Goddamn, that would be ossum. So ossum it'll be more ossum than me. I should start working on a script now...hhhmmmm.........



This is a clip of the ensemble of
Improve Everywhere, where they did randomly started singing and dancing in the middle of a food court. I will kill to be part of this team. Please enjoy as I work on my script.




29 comments:

Technodoll said...

OK that photo of the old people? It's simply brilliant, something I'd put on my blog for sure :-D

You kinda lost me on the rest, LOL!

faye said...

I love musicals, and damn CD, your traffic jam one rocks :) I could imagine it in the lot 10/bintang walk crossroads...

and of course, you being in the middle of it all ! heehehehe.

Frank said...

It's always still dark when I get up :(

Although I absolutely love sitting on the balcony and catching the sunrise on weekends.

Peter Varvel said...

Ha ha ha! My life IS a musical, which is how I cope with the mundane reality every day, and the reason why we're such good friends!
Dude. Did you ever see the movie "Fame" where they're dancing in the street and on top of a taxi cab?
Talk about OSSUM.

Valley Girl said...

You o.k.? ;)

evie said...

Doraemon and wife to bang. HAHAHAHA

I guess after this I can skip Mamma Mia

Zikri said...

Monet's paintings look like he painted them while he was drunk, all the hazyness and stuff

gypsy-on-the-move said...

Wuahahah! The whole traffic jam thing was very funny and creative C.D.! Bravo!

Tinta Sisyphus said...

Mari kita nyanyi sama-sama!

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Techno:

I know the pic is ossum. You can find more ossum pics like that if you visit my Tumblr page =)

Faye:

Hahaha! Thanks! I actually imiagined it to be on Federal Highways. In front of that damn "Avon" headquaters. I always get stuck there.

Frank:

Wow, what time do you usually wake up?

Peter:

Holy crap! "FAME! I wanna live forever..." Got it on DVD bebeh. =p

And yes that time when they all ran out of school and then just start dancing on the street and on cars.....oh so orgasmic =p

And yes, totally ossum dude, totally ossum.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Valley Girl:

Let's just say that I've smok.....inhaled some really good shit before writing this =p

Evie:

Eh that Doraemon part is true you know. I was so pissed off when I got stuck in traffic jam this one time and was not home on time to watch Doraemon.

Pissed me off. And yes Evie, I still layan Doraemon now. I will layan Doraemon forever and ever and ever......I <3 Doraemon.

Zikri:

The technique that he used is called "Impressionism" and it is supposed to come across as hazy because the main purpose for it is to be of "dreamlike" quality. Everything is more echanting in a dream you see and this is what Monet did, he took reality and turned it into a dream.

And the technique that you say come across as being the work of someone who's drunk actually take hours to create, the colours, the strokes, the whole blend of otherworliness is bourne of meticulous artistry and skills. So no, it is not the work of a drunkard, but of a master painter.

Please, have more respect for the arts ya =)

Gypsy:

See? These are the type of things that you come up with when you're stuck in traffic jams. Or maybe that's just me =p

Kuan said...

i love the fact that your musical rendition consist of swearing words and "i have a wife to bang" hahaha

Absolutely LOVE the food court musicals. As a child, I do imagine a world of musicals, it would be oh so damn cool. Instead of pissed off and swear that mother effing guy off, i should just sing and dance at their face!

MALAYSIAN SHOULD APPRECIATE AND PROMOTE AND ENJOY MUSICALS MORE YOU ASS!

:)

turtle said...

duuuude!! what the hell were you on?!?!? gimme! hahaha

Farid said...

number 1: you know that advert on tv about Celcom's Free Calls on Sunday Promotion where everyone bursts out in song "Because it's FREEEEEEEEE!"? well i hate it. the guy is so fucking annoying. the whole time he's like, "look at me, i'm so hot cause i'm the star of the show!"

(b) i've always thought that everyone had their own movies or musicals playing in their heads. if my life were a movie, it'd be an action/romance/foreign movie with lots of ossum special effects and stunts. i'd always thought that maybe yours would be some dark thriller circa 1950's where you'd just killed your 3rd husband for his fortune and your driving down a lonely road with a scarf covering your hair and wearing shades in your porsche convertible at night, right after you had just disposed of his body. oh and Shivaree's Goodnight Moon is playing in the background and everything is shot in black and white. Les Diaboliques is a gewd movie. We should watch it as part of our marathon!

3. I did not know you liked improv everywhere!? I LOVE IMPROV EVERYWHERE! I love the the Look Up More mission, the Ben Folds Fake mission, the Shirtless mission, and the Frozen Grand Central Station Mission! I totally would sign up for it after i transfer. Did you see the one Charlie Todd did for Yahoo!'s start wearing purple promotion? OSSUM! The musical mission is pretty cool but they didn't show all of it.

Natalija said...

I need whatever it is you're on.

Michelle said...

Loved that video, but no, not a big fan of musical. You are nuts!

nxsa.nxsa said...

isap ganja

MisSmall said...

A dramatic musical, totally your style.

Just make it into a play in the theater with live orchestra, not a movie.

Quin Browne said...

sometimes, you scare me.

Anonymous said...

Hi CD,

I'm a new fan of this blog and lifethrupinklenses too. I am very encouraged by you two young women who are beautiful and don't give a shit about what ppl think. You dress up to the nines. I am so concious about my body although I'm medium sized. I wish I had your confidence...sigh


Audrey

Zikri said...

TCDO - I come from a family which on one side is heavily involved in arts and my mom is a huge fan of Monet and Van Gogh. I do respect the arts, but respect doesn't mean i can't make fun of it. No serious cat here plox

I appreciate Jimi Hendrix, his solos can be awesome, but he still sounds high on some songs.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Tinta:

Ye! Mari kita menyanyi dan menari-nari bersama-sama juga. Kat Brickfields. Depan whorehouse yg mana-mana lah ;-p

Kuan:

As a child? Man, I still do. I will aaaaaaalllways do. Mwahahahah!

Ah...okies, eh let's start a club. For musical lovers Malaysia? You can be the Prez and I'll be the mascot. What say you? =p

Turtle:

Duuuude! I'm on medication dude, and then before writing this I hit some gooooood shit tooo... I'll pass you some =p

Farid:

1) Yes I completely agree. They ruin the whole musical thing. Plus the song sucks donkey balls to the high heavens too.

2) Oh man, action/romance/foreign........yeah I can see it now. I even know who's the "leading lady" for your movie too *wink wink nudge nudge*

Dude, your are like the third person that indictaed that whether in a movie or real life, that I would ended up killing my husband. WTF is up with that? Anyways my movie would be a dramatic musical.

Think Moulin Rouge, Sweeney Todd, Wicked....like song and dance but full of intrigue, scandals and drama! Fo sho. (This is a possible blog post).

3) Yeah sign up fot that. Would be super fun! Where's I'm going....I'm gonna be a surfer chick =D ....If I don't drown first lah....

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Natalija:

Medications bebeh. Meds for the thing that haven't come in months. Rmbr I told you? Anyways, this hit got me trippin all over. Plus, I'm really happy now too.

Michelle:

Nuts?......Yeah so I've been told....*buff nails*

nxsa:

Tak babe, aku makan sahaja semata-mata. Dalam hash brownies.

missmall:

Theatre? Try Broadway bebeh =P

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Quin:

Yeah.....I get that a lot. I wonder why =p

Audrey:

Hello Audrey, thanks for your kind words. Well huney, self confidence comes all from within, and you just have to find yours. That finding thing is a bitch though, ain't it?

It took me years to find mine, painful years of self hatred and weight obessesion but you have to be above that, to put away all the negativity and the criticism and the doubts. Once you can do that, you'll find it too.

Good luck Audrey. =)

Zikri:

Oh.....well then how I view it and how you view it is completely different. Yours is a more open outlook, mine is more stick-up-my-ass outlook. Nut nonetheless, I have no intentions whatsoever to remove that stick. See the diff now?

Glad that we settled this. =)

Melissa said...

".....but know this Ms. Drama, before I leave your world of make believe, cause when you think about it.......like what the hell am I doing in your backyard at 6 in the morning and talking to you in English when I'm French, I want you to know tis........You're ossum."

ROTFLMFAO!!!

....eh, what have you been taking? seriously... i want some of those babies =P i need new inspirations to spice up my non-musical *yawnnnn* boring life. hmph! i wish docs n nurses n patients alike can break into a number or two once in awhile in that stuffy hkl. damned hot laa i think i might bloody well go insane from all those sweating-like-the-great-porky-pig that i religiously do on a daily basis. heat stroke, my friend, it's the damned heat stroke.

ooohh any latest news about that number one fan-cum-hater of urs? ehhh if she's still missing maybe u should go investigate, manala tau she's been kidnapped or fell sick or is TERMINALLY DEPRESSED from spending too much time comin up with insulting lines to throw at ya only to find out later that u dont give two flying fuck to any of 'em? kinda like kesian in a pathetic way but takdela sincerely kesian pun *hyena-ish-inspired cackles*


but seriously... go investigate. *nudge nudge* this lil inquisitive hedgehog (read:bigtime kepochi) wants to know so badddddd =P

(sorry for all the nonsensical ramblings. i've been sugar-deprived ><)

Melissa said...

and oh, err i'll do the tag soonish. promise!!!




been way too lazy la lately. n i'm gonna make my blog public again soon. just need to find the right time. nyeh.... ><

Kuan said...

oh wow, that is so humbling of you and an honour for me to be the prez :) very undrama like ;)

splatme said...

hahahaha... i'm thinking of Bjork's it's oh so quiet music video...

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Melissa:

Focus Melissa, one day you'll be making big bucks as a private doctor so huney just slug it out now. And my Sayang? Eh she been missing lah. I'm back to rindu her everyday.

Kuan:

I have my moments....=)

splatme:

Oouuuu I think I have watched that....I think.....