Friday, October 03, 2008

Balik kampung! Ooohhh oooohhh ohhhh balik kampung!!!!

I bet you guys have been relentlessly refreshing this page going "Where oh where is the Constantly Dramatic One? Why is she not updating her blog 3 times a week on alternate days? Why have she gone missing? Whyyyy God!!! Why?!!! I need me some drama and who is there to provide me with some it it's not the Constantly Dramatic One herself?!!!!! Noooooooo!!!!!!!"

*hits refresh*

"She's still not here!! I cannot take it!! I can't fucking take it!!! Arrrggghhh!!"

*stab self in the eye with a fork*

....................................................Okay, in an ideal world in which people builds shrines and worship the ground I walk upon the above situation might hold some truth. But seeing that this is not an ideal world in which no one builds shrines OR worship the ground I walk upon, I bet no one gives a fuck where I've been. But seeing that I do in fact live in an imaginary world where I make believe that everyone -absolutely everyone- adores me, I'm gonna tell you guys where I've been anyways.


No, really. As it is tradition with all Malaysians to
balik kampung during the festive season, I ain't got no kampung to go back to. I am a pureblood of my hometown. My dad grew up here, my mom grew up a town away from here, all my relatives are here. When the rest of Malaysia (read: mudblood) is busy driving back to wherever other state that they hailed from, I'm living it up in KL. Basking in the sheer joy of being in KL without being stuck in traffic jams. That's right, KL with no traffic jams. Yeah mudbloods, suck on that. Y'all never get to feel that cause all of you mudbloods have to go back. Balik kampung.

*looks smug*

Okay, fine. I'm jealous.

I have always been jealous when people tell me they will balik kampung during the festive season. I never get to feel that. The anticipation of going to see your grandparents and favourite cousins that live 3 states away. The long road trip with the whole family. Okay maybe the thought of being stuck in the car with my mom when she's pissed off about something or other for 5 hours is not that attractive, but nevertheless it's different. The joy of playing fireworks, running around the kampung house, chasing the quaint. So old skool. So...............different from the noisy and shady life in the city.
I mean I bet in the kampung when y'all open the window during the first day of Aidilfitri, you can see paddy fields as far as the eyes can see. Complete with a scarecrow. When I opened my window here during the first day of Aidilfitri- and I see my 57 year old neighbour washing his car, half naked, beer gut hanging out. Not a pretty sight.

You see where I'm coming from?

Nevertheless celebrating Aidilfitri in the city has it's advantages though. First and foremost- the wireless connection. Mwahahahahhaha!! I noticed that most of my favourite Malay-themes blogs, written by Malay people of course have not been updating. I bet it's cause they all balik kampung and can't get a decent connection. Hahaha!! I bet it's a bitch trying to get connection by the paddy field. I can get connection anywhere here in the city, bitches. Y'all have kampung, I got wireless. Also the cable TV connection here is also better and I'm thinking at night I wont be attacked by an army of evil, hungry mosquitoes either. Riiiigghhht?

I'm making assumption here of course.

But then you know I will not have that bakar lemang or dodol making experience either. *Le sigh*. Urgh, what the hell am I talking about. You people with kampungs to go back to win. So be thankful and stop grousing bout the long drive home, about the bus ride over 4 states or the fact that you can's stand that one bitchy Aunt back in the kampung. Count your blessings and know that each time you are there, you are making kampung memories of Aildilfitri we pureblooded city kids will never get the chance to have.

You lucky bitches.

P/S: I wanna apologize to my international readers if this post makes no sense to y'all. Think of it as a Malaysian cultural lesson, brought to you exclusively and dramatically by the Constantly Dramatic One. And yes, there are references to Harry Potter in this post. Thanks for noticing.


Tine said...

Dodol .... mmmmm ....

fie the elf said...

Happy Raya Darls!

Technodoll said...

Apology accepted, LOL!

*gives up trying to make sense of this obscure post that sounds like alot of fun*

Tinta Sisyphus said...

Kampung bukanlah sesuatu yang menyeronotkan.

Terutama apabila yang menanti di sebelah sana adalah mak tiri yang jahat.

Frank said...

I find this fascinating. Given how incredibly white and sheltered I am, I'm always eager to learn about other cultures. More lessons plz.

Zikri said...

I have no kampung too.
My father's side of the family has been in KL for God know how long, Grandpa used to keep goats near where Midvalley is now for fucks sake.
Hell my Grandparents house is like, a 10 minute drive from my new house, and I could just take a 20minute walk to their house from the old one. Technically its a kampung i guess, since its called Kampung Cheras Baru...

But heyy, we still make rendang in a kawah and shit, no dodol or lemang though. But there's nothing stopping you from bakar lemang in your backyard like some of my cousins did at my aunts house ;)

Got no kampung? Make your own fucking kampung lol.

Anyway happy Eid :)

Tinesh said...

yeaaaaahhh!!!! No family lives in my dad's old kampung anymore since my grandma died 17 years ago so no balik kampung for me too. Mum was born and bred in frickin bangsar so me is a PUREBLOODED KL-ite.

You know what else the kampungs dont have? 24 hour mamaks. Where you can go and sit and talk for hours and have breakfast there too.

Im gonna miss KL when I leave. :(

Farid said...

i hate raya.
i hate my obligations.
i hate my treacherous relatives.
i hate my obligations to my treacherous relatives.

i hate raya.

Quin Browne said...

i was enthralled. really, i was. i had no idea any of that occurred during your holiday. when you come here, i'll take you to walmart, and you can see the polygamists.

best i can do culture wise.

A. Aini said...

pshht. i think u watched too much raya commercials/drama melayu this raya seasons which btw, filled with dramatic scenes that involve excessive crying and wailing.

raya in kampung is okay i guess, but the the 4-5 hours drive there with family members kills the whole experience.

my kampung is in the middle of a town. never seen anyone kacau dodol/masak lemang there. nyeh.

don't be jealous lah. visiting relatives with toilets located 10meters away from the house is not that exciting ok.

but anyway sweetness, happy hari raya to you!! and thank u for the e-card. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


Ummmm....I'm eating dodol now too =p


Thanks luv. Eh woman coming to the Spanish Festival tak? Come lah.....I bet you my ass there be hot Spanish dudes.

Ay caliente!


But it's interesting, no? =)


Tak tau lak yang you ada mak tiri yang jahat. Tapi takper, jadikan dia inspiration utk villain on your upcoming novel....;-p


In time Young Pedawan, in time....=p

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


"Got no kampung? Make your own fucking kampung lol."

Macam commercial lah Zikri....=p


Leave for what? States or for kampung? Vague my friend, jooo are being fake.


I hate Raya too. But I miss having my sister and my bro here. Which clearly a family time you know....*sadness*


Glad you liked it. More lessons to come!


Memang, I Raya ni layan drama Melayu sampai lebam. Kemudian maki-maki TV cause plot dia bodoh bahalul. Tapi tgk gak. So I ask you, which one lagi bodoh? Plot yang tak logik tu ke, atau manusia (me) yang menonton nya? =p

And oh... that jamban jauh dari rumah. Tak pernah lak pikir pasal tu....

Zikri said...

macam commercial?

oh fuck, the education is affecting my subconcious
must watch porn and House and brainwash self

Michelle said...

At least you have relatives! I have them but there only a few and they're wacky, we don't want to hang with them. The others are so distantly related, we can hardly be called related..3rd and 4th cousins and such. I have a small family. Which is fine!

Peter Varvel said...

Me, too, just like Quin, I loved having this cultural lesson!
It's oddly similar, though, to how insane it is to live in or near Los Angeles during Christmas and have to cope with all of the freeway traffic just to spend time with family. :-p

Patt Irmina said...

hello TCDO.

hope u have a great raya! =) i have an idea, hope its not too turn your home into a kampung environment. with all the lemang bakar..the pelita and all. hehe..who knows, it'll make u feel like u balik kampung.

anyways, happy eid mubarak 2 u. =)

Elisabeth said...

Very educational, honey! Keep 'em coming... lord knows, my knowledge certainly needs expandind!

Glad you're still around, though!

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


But pr0n is booooring, literotica bebeh. Literotica is the way to go =D


I have a huuuge family. Aunts, uncles, cousins, 2nd cousins, 3rd cousin I family alone contribute to like 95 more people to the population of Malaysia.

Kid you not.


Wait, I'm confused. Does ppl leave LA or they're coming back to LA? =S


I tried that. Tapi tak best lah. Tak de feellah......I want the kampung house on the stilts....=p


Don't worry, I'll work on more cultural posts =D

juraiza said...

I have no kampung either but I have the trip to Singapore. It's a bitch to be stuck in a traffic at tambak johor for 2-3 hours..

Anyway Selamat Hari Raya and maaf zahir batin.

winda said...

just came from a Lebaran holiday!! whooop!
same here!
me have no kampung too. Came chinese new year, i'll be just going around the hometown city in cars, visiting relatives.

Good thing university was in different city. Then i can have a pulang kampung experience.
Though with just max 2hrs drive (45mins if you speed up), and the hometown city being the satelite city of this ibukota (which means people are going to and fro every working day anyway), it's not really that "pulang kampung" But what the heck, at least i have hometown i can go to :D

emailing you my email, girl.