Monday, November 10, 2008

This is not over you filthy Pizza Hut bastards!!!

Dude, I totally threw a bitch fit at Pizza Hut just now. Well not really a bitch fit....more like a righteous tirade. A really pissed off and loud righteous tirade. Which by the way……. totally scared the crap out of Farid.

Okay let me run this scene by you and see if you don't get pissed off too. You are with your good friend having a late lunch at Pizza Hut, which by the way you have indignantly championed from all your friends saying that Pizza Hut's pizza totally taste much better then Domino's. Okay so you are sitting there, munching on your second piece of personal pan pizza, discussing current events, resident college bitches and the perpetual never ending topic: the size of your ass when all of a sudden - a fucking cockroach appeared from the underside of the table, crawled all over the table near your plate that contained your damn food and then disappeared to the underside of the table again. Here's a multi choice answer:

a) Scream, push your chair back and then fall on your ass.

b) Stare at the cockroach in utter disbelief but do nothing.

c) Stare at the cockroach in utter disbelief, make your guy friend capture it by using a tissue, and then make a waiter call the manager so that you can give the manager a piece of your mind.

I picked option C.

Unlike most of the female population, the Constantly Dramatic One is not afraid of cockroaches. I am however, is shit scared of cicak. Cicaks are fucking creepy okay. But I do know that cockroaches are filthy and they bring on diseases. And I just ate from a table that as it turns out, the oh-so-accommodating pit stop of a cockroach. Holy Mother of all that is Pure and True, if I could have open a can of whoop ass on someone right there and then, I totally would. The manager came to me with an attitude. She was all gangsta when she looked at me and asked "Yes?".......Bitch, you do not throw fuel to the fire. Bad move bitch, bad move.

"I just found a cockroach on the table here. Where I am eating. A cockroach! What kind of establishment are you running here when people come here to eat and you serve cockroaches along with the food?"

"Ohhh we just had pest control last Friday.............."

"It doesn’t matter whether or not you had pest control last Friday or yesterday or the month before this. That is a non-issue. What is an issue here is that while I am eating here I found a cockroach crawling around next to my plate. *Lipas tau tak? Lipas. Atas meja.* Do you expect me to sit here and eat your food still?"

*A cockroach you know? A cockroach. On the table.

"Oh we always have a cockroach problem. *But sekarang dah less dah.....*"
*But now it have lessen....*

"Oh is that supposed to make me feel better? Is the fact that last time you had more cockroaches attacking your customers and now you only have one is a victory? Am I supposed to rejoice at that? Seriously, what kind of show are you running here? *Ini kat depan dah ada lipas. Kalau I pergi to your kitchen, what will I find there? Perkampungan lipas dan tikus?* Is that the cleanliness level of your establishment? Eh when I come here I expect a certain level of professionalism and cleanliness. **Kalau I nak makan kat tempat kotor-kotor I pergi makan kat mamak tepi jalan tu. Kereta lalu-lalu, berhabuk sana sini tapi tak per.** Cause that's how much I pay for it. Here I come and I pay your service tax and all that and this is the bullshit I have to deal with?"

*If you have cockroaches at the front of your restaurant, then what do you have in your kitchen? A mini city for cockroaches and rats?*

**If I want to eat at a dirty place, I go to a mamak by the roadside. The food will be all dusty but it's okay because that is what expected of mamak and that is how much I pay for it.**

By this time she looked like she was on the verge of crying. I feel kinda bad but no matter how bad I felt it doesn’t change the fact there was a disease carrying cockroach near my food. Shit son, what if I have rabies now?

"What happens now if I get sick from eating your food? If my friend gets sick? Who is going to foot the bill for our medical fees? You? Your pest control people?"

She just kept quite. On hindsight, what else can she do? I wasn’t screaming but I spoke loudly. I made sure that the whole restaurant can hear the fact that there was a cockroach on my table. Near my fucking food. I am still so pissed off.

"So what are you going to do now?"

"Well what do you want?"

"I do not want to pay for any of these, I will not pay for my food and neither will my friend. When we came in we expected to eat pizza, not some cockroach infested tasty treat. Also do you have a business card? I want your business card if not you write out your name and give it to me. If you think you can serve people food in this kind of place where cockroaches live happily ever after then you are wrong. I am going to report about this. This is not over."

"Miss, building ni memang ada banyak lipas."
*Miss, this building is infested with cockroaches.*

"That's not an issue. *I pergi makan kat Subway like 3 doors away and takder pun lipas. I pergi minum kat Starbucks, takde pun lipas. I pergi makan kat Ali Maju, mamak tau mamak, takder pun I kena attack dengan lipas. So don't blame the building for your shortcomings. Ni tempat makan, bukan printers suratkhabar.*"
*I didn't find any cockroaches when I go to eat at Subway which is 3 doors down from here. I don't see any cockroaches when I have a drink in Starbucks. When I go to Ali Maju, which is a mamak establishment, I don't get attacked by cockroaches. So don't blame the building for your shortcomings. This is a restaurant, not a printers.*

I wanted to go on and on but Farid was staring at me from across the table looking on the verge of crapping his pants. (No dude, you did.) So I just stood up and left. I think if stayed longer I would have cut a bitch. Seriously. Fucker!!! What if I have rabies now? Do cockroaches carry rabies? Fuck. What do they carry? I should Google this up. What if Farid and I are infected with it? Whatever it is that they are carrying? What if the disease is spread by saliva? Like rabies? What if everyone we kiss and share a drink with is infected? And those people will infect other people and other people and other people...... In like a week or less there could be an outbreak of cockroach-something disease all over KL!! In a month- the world!

It'll be like the fucking Mad Cow disease all over again. But it'll be worst cause when this story hit the news, the news anchors are going to go "The original deadly disease carriers have been traced and that trail goes back to Malaysia. We have been notified that the original carriers were Farid.A and the Constantly Dramatic One, who ate at a cockroach infested Pizza Hut establishment. Sad to say however that these two individuals who were the original carriers of this deadly disease are already deceased."

WTF?!! I don’t want to be remembered as a plague-carrying-originator. This is not fair!! When I die, people should remember me as the object of Clive Owen's desire. They should remember me for my ass the size of galaxy. They should remember me for my superior bitching skillz. But most of all they should remember me for the ossumness that I am. Not as the cause of a plague bitches!

This is bullshit.

I will lodge a complaint at the Consumer Rights and Health Ministry or whatever. I need to find where exactly I can complain at. And when I do, I will cc. that to The Star, Utusan Melayu and all other newspapers. Take that you filthy Pizza Hut bastards! Take that. If I am going down as the original carrier of a plague-later-to-be-named then I am taking you down with me you filthy Pizza Hut bastards! I am not going down without a fight.

......Damn, I totally need to go to the family GP tomorrow. I need to check if I have rabies. Or whatever it is that will make me go down in medical books as the cause of a plague that wipe out a shitload of people.

Damn Pizza Hut bastards.


Zikri said...

G'day Typhoid Mary

Farid said...

It really did made me soil my pants a little. And if the manager cried right there and then, i would've cried with her.

*sobbing* "I know, i know, she scares the living fuck out of me too"

Out of the whole ordeal, i really do pity the cockroach. I wonder what the waiter did with the napkin though. Me and the roach, we were tight. I even had a name for it. Julian. We had a future together, me and Julian!

I would always remember the day we met, like it was yesterday. It was a blind date set by CD. I knew we were meant for each other when she first said "What the fuck is that?!" We never looked back since.

But Pizza Hut took that away from us! They took away our future! Now I'll always be left wondering what could've been. Damn you Pizza Hut! Damn YOU!

MisSmall said... sure was a wrong move to give you attitude. Haha.

I haven't set foot in a Pizza Hut for years, and against all my better judgement, I let my parents talked me into having lunch at one last week. They had the guts to serve me a teeny tiny plate (kids size, I kid you not) of so called "prawn oglio pasta" that taste EXACTLY like Indomee and MSG. Never again, Pizza Hut! :|

MisSmall said...

Lol. And Farid is a damn funny dude! His comment cracked me up! lol

Technodoll said...




Pizza Hut over here is a cheap, nasty franchise that I avoid like the plague, it'S sooooo gross!!

peachy said...

Yeah, that Pizza Hut ALWAYS has cockroaches. Ew.

Michelle said...

Mmmm...cockroaches, cheap protein...! Um yeah, I wouldn't have thrown a shit fit but I WOULD have thrown up right on the table. And then possibly tell everyone through my vomit dripping lips about the cockroach and then get my money back. Gross. I hate creepy crawly things, ALL OF THEM.

And yeah, Farid is hilarious! Poor Farid. Poor Julian. (I guess?)

Prince Gomolvilas said...

Poor Farid. :)

Adrienne said...

Fuck.. i just had pizza at pizza hut just now

mell said...

fuck, no shit???
and damn right CD, cicaks are definitely WAYYYYY worse than cockroaches! though i'd totally shit MY pants if one jumped on my pizza!
sungguh mencibaikan!

firsfc said...

Hei dearie,

I am sure you don't have rabies, :) But it is a very good idea to get checked up. I usually give up on reporting because of the long process it comes with, but I am really glad that you decided to do it.

senorita.. said...

i WILL NOT mess with u TCDO. ever!

Frank said...

Oh damn.

My mom would like this, she works for Domino's, and Pizza Hut is one of their biggest competitors :P

Peter Varvel said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Thanks for the translations into English!
What's a cicak? A super large cockroach?

Melissa said...


anyway pizzahut has always have an issue with the whole customer service, attitude etc i pun penah kena in one of the branches, kat the mall. service macam babi, lambat gila. n i fought with one of the staffs as well becoz of the extremely slow service. but to have a roach crawling out of nowhere while ur supposed to be enjoying ur stuffed crust with cheese pizza is surely worse than that, 100 folds worse at least!

oh by the way hun, don't worry u won't get rabies with roaches. only dogs n canines alike will cause u that nasty disease. but roaches DO spread some nasty diseases as well, acute gastroenteritis for an instance which is the inflammation of the stomach and bowel lining as a result of the ongoing infection, causing acute diarrhoea and vomiting. these could lead to dehydration and DEATH if not treated properly so yeah, u flipping out like that is a totally justified reaction. padan muka staffs kat situ for being so pemalas and pengotor!!!

winda said...

i'm an avid fan of pizza hut. But not lately as izzi pizza keeps on giving crazy 75%discount :D

anyway, yeap, it's totally gross to find cockroaches and the likes living in the establishment where we think they'll be none (read: where they serve overpriced food).

But have you ever think that probably it was the roaches that makes pizza taste good? Just like the mamak2 in the street taste damn good with all the dust from the road!

Just joking there ;)

btw, you guys really talk in mix malay and english? Cool!!

pattirmina said...

eww eww eww TCDO eww!

I just had lunch at Pizza Hut 2 days ago! Like eww!

I am so gonna force myself to puke after this!

Aqmal said...

when you first said rabies, i misread it and thought you said you were going to have babies.

i was like "that's not so bad. babies are nice. why wouldn't you want to have one. how would you get one from a cockroach anyway?"

ojamoja said...

ok. there was this one time i saw a lipas coming out from a salt shaker in victoria station damansara. bodoh kan?

Tinesh said...

Fuck!! i love Pizza Hut though i always get it delivered. Now im not gonna go Pizza Hut anymore. Ill stick to good old McD :D

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


When I die of roach gonna regret saying that to me. *dirty looks*


Hahahaha!! I did not know that you named it. Hahaha. And did I really say that? "What the fuck is that?"...I don't rmbr.

I just rmrb looking at....Julian crawling around on the table and time stops followed by me almost completely losing my shit.


Of course Farid is damn funneh. I got good taste in friends yo =p


I'm gonna avoid it like a plague from now on too! Yucks!


ALWAYS? ALLLWAYS? wtf? How in the blue fucking hell do I not know this then? Sonofabitch!

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


Hahahaha! That vomit coming out from your mouth line is priceless. No dude, I need to open a can of whoop as first...THEN I can vomit or whatnot.


Yeah poor him. He might have roach rabies know since he wanna be all buddy buddy with "Julian".


Well not all Pizza Huts are dirty and have a kampung of roaches. Maybe the one you went too is fine........

Still, I suggest you go to a doctor soon though. Just in case.


Memang dowh! Aku ingat kan aku in shock ah and then terus angin satu badan. Kemudian kan Farid didn't want to do anything about it too. If I didn't tell him to stop eating he would have went on. Roaches and all.


Plus side, we didn't pay for our meal. =D


Okay....maybe NOT rabies. But something else just as disgusting and horrible. I dont care bout the lines. Damn filthy Pizza Hut bastards are going down!

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


You know...curiously enough....a lot of people have said the same exact thing to me. Wonder why.....=P


Oh pls let your mom know. Let her know that I have now officially converted to Domino's. Fuck Pizza Hut.


Cicak is like a gecko. A gecko that lives in Malaysian homes and wont go away and freak the fuck out of me. Here's a link to the most SCARIEST video on youTube showing a guy playing with multiple cicaks:

That dude, must die.


Death? Really? Oh fuck! I will sue these fuckers!!!!!!!


Oh God....Winda. Why woman, why must you say shit like that? Oh my God......eeeeeewwwww....fuck this. I'm not gona go eat out for a while now. Urgh.

And oh yeah, we do. It's called "Broken English", when you mixed English with Malay you know.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


Kalau puke skrg pun kan, I think dah mcm sia-sia jer. I mean that damn roach rabies is already in your system.

All those filthy Pizza Hut fuckers must die and then after they die they then must proceed to burn in hell.


Ahahaha! So cute. =) But you know....I really rather not be impregnated by a roach ok. That's just all kinds of wrong right there.....=S


.........Eeeewwwwww WTF WTF WTF??? Victoria's Stasion yang kat tepi jalan tu ker? Sial nyer. What happened then? Did you lost your shit the way I did too?


Yeah....I'm laying off Pizza Hut now. Whoa, damn traumatized man.

rujing said...

man that SUCKS.
unlike you, i'm a total coward when it comes to anything that is smaller than my hand and moves (oddly enough i like mice. even rats. yeh yeh, im feral) i would've just pissed my pants and cried.
you're story has totally grossed me out, but i think i'll still eat at pizza hut because seriously, domino sucks. i'll brave cockroaches!

ALSO< what are cicaks. i don't want to sound like an ignorant but WHAT ARE THEY??? i just googled them and they appear to be little lizard things. am i right? or are they something else. TELL ME NOW!!


ps. got rocks in my pocket, going for a swim

Kuan said...

i have a feeling its the pizza hut around the uni isnt it?

I had a very bad experience there too. Some bitchy waitress actually told us that they dont serve water and roll her eyes when we asked for straws. unbelievable...

sometimes malaysian hospitality need to undergo some serious training of professionalism and integrity.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

i'm not scared of lipas but if it had come anywhere near my food, i'd be screaming like tranny bitch too.

maybe its about time you switch to domino's, dont you think so?

senorita.. said...

i have a few very good frens who are VERY VERY VERY VERY scared of cicaks. like VERY VERY afraid of 'em. they're cold n creepy n all that shit, just yucks.

winda said...

Oopsie, sorry, CD!!
Just trying to be funny there.
Not funny?
okay, okay. I wont try ever again.

It's just that it's some kind of jokes here. I mean the reason why some of us (yes, me!) chose to eat in the street vendor than in the malls. Aside from the price, also the taste sometimes is better in the street vendor. And we joked, that it's probably the dust that makes it so.

Apology accepted?
Please tell me so!
me is afraid of angry CD....

Oh god, that's so cool! I mean, i use broken english too when i add some post to my blog or talking to my friends. But to someone who work outside, never! Unless you're foreigner, they'll think you're being cocky and snob, bleehhh...

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


YOUNG LADY! You take those rocks out of your pocket and come out of the water right now! =p

Oh man, since you're the 2nd person to ask I think I shall write a post regarding cicak and my traumatizing experiance with them that have scarred me emotionally for aaaallll eternity.


Those filthy, rude bastards must DIE. I'm taking them down for you too Kuan. For you too......*nods sagely*


I'm totally swithcing to Domino's. Fuck Pizza Hut.

DAMN YOU PIZZA HUT!!! I shake my fist at you!!!


I feel your friends' pain. I feel it.


Actually they think you are being cocky and snobby here too...but that's precisely why I spoke like that to the manager. Was totally being a mega bitch. Fucking filthy Pizza Hut bastards!!!!!!!

And wait, hold up. You have a blog? How could I not know about this? Huh? =0

rujing said...

i hope i didn't upset you with what i wrote. i have a tendancey to be rather insensitive to others...
one time, i asked a BLIND man to describe what a person LOOKED like. ugh!
but yeh, i'm sorry if i have!
also, she is SO not fugly. i'm going to try photoshop my face ont her body now. ciao!

winda said...

Ah, i see.
You do that on purpose. I thought malaysian do that always. I was beginning to get envy, you know ;)

hahha.. maybe becos it's not a blogpost blog. It's a multiply. And not really for international reader for i usually post in indonesian, consist of boring, ordinary rants and raves. Not the ossum one like you have here ;)
i'm too ashamed lah, to share the link :P

Quin Browne said...


splat said...

so did the doctor find anything in you? hope you're still feeling okay. can't help but wonder what the world will be like without ossum ...uhmmmm... bitches like you.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


Oh huney, I wasn't. Just thought you should know that eating disorders are not cool. I mean, I know they are glorified and all but really, eating disorders are not cool.


Ohhhh multiply....I dont have Multiply account. Only have Facebook.



Not anymore....


I'm okay. But yes, such a loss if I am no longer around.....=p

evie said...

Don't even get me started on cicaks. *shivers*

I've only ever eaten at Pizza Hut twice in the last 5 years, but on both occasions, there were roaches. I think it's part of the Pizza Hut territory la.

AO said...

damn, 36 comments is a long way to scroll down. btw I like the expression on cookie monster's face. can't help but laugh. since he is no longger hooked on cookies has gone I assumed "fruity" may be he should be wearing a fruit basket, with pineapples, dangling grapes and all just like lucy in I love Lucy. You don't know her do you? ask your dad. cheers.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...


I think so too now...


But indeed....I do know "I Love Lucy". I mean please, I am a pop culture enthusiast.

Tine said...

Okay, for the person to tell you that the place is usually infested with lipas is just wrong.

Poor Julian didn't know what had coming to him :P