Monday, November 24, 2008

That car was a ninja and it totally did ambushed me.....




I was involved in an accident last week. A vehicular accident. Actually "accident" is such a big word. It was more like....there was this car. And I uhhhh..kinda.....hit it. The worst part of it was that the car was stationary. How fucking sad is that? I drove into a stationary car and calling it a vehicular accident? Really, honestly. It is not my fucking fault okay. That car was a bitch.





It was around 8ish in the morning and I was leaving for class. I parked my car round the corner from my house on this abandon piece of land. That land can fit up to 3 cars and since we live near that spot, it is very convenient for me to park my car there. There was this other car that always park behind my car. Not exactly behind my car but damn near that whenever he parked his car behind mine, it is damn difficult to just reverse out. In fact I have to do that annoying go forward, reverse a bit, turn a bit, and then repeat 3 times before I can get out of the spot. Bastard.





So that morning I was more than a little bit preoccupied. I have Spanish quiz at 10am and basically my head was filled with Spanish verbs and future/past tenses. I barely acknowledged that car as I walked past it. I got in my car, put the gear into reverse, looked into the rear view mirror, smiled smugly at my perfectly groomed eyebrows, backed the car out and BANG!! All my smugness and my Spanish verbs went out of the window.





I remember screaming "Where the fuck did that car come from?!!" I got out of my car and there was this huge motherfucking dent at the backdoor of the car. Thankfully mine was all okay except for some paint transfer.








The first thought that came to my mind was "Oh fuck."


The second was "Oh fuck."


The third was "Run bitch! Run while you can!"








But alas by the time I could do anything my mom was already out the house. She looked at the car then she looked me standing there between my car and the victimized car then she looked at me straight in the eyes...... I mean fuck this happened near my house okay. If it happened like I dunno somewhere else, like 3897 meters away from my house I can just tell my mom "OMG Mom, it is soooo totally not my fault. Like I was driving according to the speed limit -being the law abiding citizen I am- then all of a sudden this raccoon jumped out of nowhere. I swear to God, a raccoon! On Federal Highway. I think it was nesting on one of the billboard...and I think it was rabid too....but it jumped on my car. It landed on my windshield and I screamed. I was so shocked that I lost control of my car but at the same time there was this parked car by the roadside...yes Mom a parked car on Federal Highway, I'm not making this up and I hit into that car. But don't worry that car is only dented. And I managed to deliver that raccoon to the nearest vet for psychiatrist evaluation. Poor baby. So you see Mom, it is totally not my fault. It's the raccoon's but we shouldn't blame it seeing that it's insane....." But of course I can't say that. Shit son...she saw the whole thing.





"And you expect me to let you drive my car?"


Wow, sarcasm is not appreciated at moments of life and death like this, okay Mom?





"How did you managed to drive into this car? It wasn't moving."


"It wasn't my fault! I did not see it there!"


"Constant Drama* (insert full name), it is a car. A car. A huge car. It is not a toy car....Do we need to get new prescription for your glasses?"


"The sarcasm is really not appreciated at times like this. This stupid car should not be parking so near to me. It's not my fault........."


*dirty looks* "Constant Drama, you backed your car into a parked car. As in the car is not moving. Nooooottt moooooooving. How is that not your fault?"





I learned at a young age that upon fucking up big time, one must keep one's mouth shut so that's what I did.





"You have a quiz today? Go to class. I'll deal with this. And your father will know about this too."





Fuck.





I'm telling you, I was on the verge of dying of a heart attack that whole day in college. All I could think was how my Dad was gonna kick my ass. Figuratively speaking of course. Wah, it was damn scary. It was like being an inmate on death row. Then I decided that instead of running away from my problems, I should confront it....so I called my Dad. I was all matured and shit.








"Dad.... I wanna talk to you about what happened this morning."


"I'm busy. We talk about it when I come home."


Then he hung up. On me. His last born!! I'm telling you...the inmates on death row got it easy compared to me. When he got home, we did have a talk about it. Actually....it was more of him yelling and me keeping quite and trying to shrink into a corner. However this is impossible seeing that my fat ass cannot fit into any corners.



"Ayah...Adik serious tak nampak kereta tu kat situ."

*Dad, I seriously did not saw that car there.



"Oh kau kena ambush lah ni? Apa keter tu macam ninja? Ambush ko dari belakang?"

*Oh so you were ambushed? Was that car a ninja? Did it ambush you from the back?


No, seriously. He said "ninja". I swear, one day when my parents are not at home I am gonna fake a burglary in my house. Disarm the alarm system, brake the windows, thrashed the whole place to make it look like a burglary and the only thing be missing is his damn ninja movies collection. Especially the Akira Kurosawa samurai movies. And if the cops asked how come the burglars didn't steal the plasma TV or the laptop or whatever I'm gonna say...."Well perhaps the burglars were ninjas and they don't want mere mortals, such as my father, to learn their secret ways." In any event, his ninja movies collection have got to go.


And then there were more yelling, numerous versions of his monologue of "money don't grow on trees" and then "you been driving for 3 years now, you should know better"- maybe 4 versions of that ending with my Dad taking away my car keys. That's right. He took my car keys.






Oh my heart! My heart cannot take it!


With that I conclude this story on a sad note. Friends, comrades, bitches: I will not be able to hang out with you guys cause my Dad is PMSing and took away my car keys therefore I ain't got no wheels. I can hang out with you if the place in which you want to hang out is within walking distance from my house. Like the mamak round the corner. Or if you are able to drop me off at the train station so I can get home. If this is not possible then you have to deal with the fact that I cannot grace your life with my presence. I know....I know what a bleak and sad existence your life would be, to be without me....I know it is going to be difficult for you. But you have to be strong okay? Be strong.



Ahem.



I ain't got no wheels and it sucks donkey balls.

26 comments:

sab said...

ouch! don't worry, your dad will eventually calm down.

i'm glad nothing bad happened to you or anyone. :)

penyangak said...

your dad has ninja and samurai movie collection which includes kurosawa flicks, he uses 'ninja' while pissed off. you need to make a confession, is your dad a certified badass?

faye said...

OMG CD.

Kereta ninja..... hernia induced laughter ok !

Your dad should be a comedian.

But sorry about the car keys :(

Prince Gomolvilas said...

I think AJ should come over and comfort you.

Tinesh said...

Apakah kereta itu ninja?? HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!! Fuck man ure dad is awesome!!!! When my car "kissed", literally, my car decided to be a he for a moment, get horny and kiss the car in front, I had to fuckin pay the guy 200 bucks. MY OWN MONEY! But yea, my father is kewl about it la. Accidents happen ma

AJ said...

YES!!

finally!! ur life is dramatic again...although not the way u've expected it i guess

anyway, at least u can drive...i'm still struggling to pass that DAMN driving test!!

senorita.. said...

hmm... mayb u shud take ur mom/dad's car out for a spin.

Adrienne said...

Ive been driving for app. 3 years too and in total i've hit 3 stationary object/somthing hit me while being stationary.

1) some motorcylce dude's tyres got stuck kat my bumper at a traffic light. dude figure he was so smart to langgar the red light so my bumper tanggal skali when he took off.. it FLEWWWWWWW!

2)i hit my own patio... mom tot it hit one of the tiang and all the cars under the porch were crushed.I thought she'd be mad about the hows but she was actually more pissed that i langgar her precious flower and flower pots. petang tu jugak she drag me to go buy new ones and forced me to help tanam the.The ones i planted died tho. i dont have a green thumb.

3) i snuck out to pick up frens for "mamaking" sessions but we dont have mamak's back home so i guess we just call it makan makan sessions.i hit some rich guys house which was made from marble... MARBLE i tell you. my car's bumper kemek like tin can and fell off. wtf... my fren's brother in law had to tie the bumper up with TALI RAFIA.the pink/red ones!

Damn trauma.They dint take my keys away.. i voluntarily gave them the keys.and stopped driving a month after each incident. thats till they force me to send the siblings to schoolla.

Farid said...

This is because of Spanish Class right?! See, coming to college DOES have its downsides!

Never again!

Let's watch Madagascar on Wednesday, after Spanish.

pattirmina said...

tcdo,
i know shouldn't be saying this, but this post made me laugh ok.

i know, i should be weeping my heart out to you, "ohh tcdo, im sorry for your loss (your car keys i mean)"

but this is hilarious. and your dad. NINJA? hahahahahahaha. ok. i should stop laughing now.

rujing said...

hey man, i have to agree with pattamirna, i PISSED myself. im truly sorry, i know it must of been a real bitch, but come on, it's SO FUNNY! "That car was a bitch" how funny does that sound? read it back to yourself! go on. i could not stop laughing. you seriously need to publish your blog into a book. just wait until you have a few more non-serious-but-equally-as-amusing car incidents. maybe try a crashing into another stationary car, while your car is stationary. try explain THAT one to your mum, lol.
sorry i'm probably not helping. know that i'm greatful your physically okay (ie, not injured)
xxxxxx

zikri said...

This reminds me of the first time I drove, my dad was teaching me how to drive, he gave me mixed signals at one point and i almost drove into a sign post
and shortly after the cops came and pulled us over.

Anyway, look on the bright side, no wheels means you can burn some energy and look hotter or whatever

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Sab:

He is not that angry. Just being dramatic. I totally got the drama genes from him =D

Penyangak:

Of course he is. What kind of a question is that?

(On a serious note, I think he is. My aunts and uncles tell me stories on how he was such a badass last time. But he's already in his 50es now so not so much I guess....or maybe not so much with me. But yes, I do think my dad is a badass. And that...badass-dery runs in the family my friend...)

Faye:

Oh sure....side with him.....=p

Prince:

No I don't think so...I don't want you to be all jealous.....*buff nails*

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

T:

Damn sarcastic kan? But.....I have to say....that ninja line is priceless.

AJ:

You can't drive yet? Ouuu good luck with that. Also...ahem...Prince wanna cuddle with you ;-p

Senorita:

Cannot. My parents cars are luxury cars and my car is...Malaysian made =p .If I trash their cars....wah I think I will get my ass disown.

Adrienne:

Holy crap! You're even worst then I am. Haha. And how the hell did you drove into a marble house? Hahaha!!!! =D

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Farid:

You're right! I will never go to college, ever AGAIN!!!!! (Just an excuse to ponteng) =p

Patt:

Well glad you enjoyed it. =) And it wasn't that bad lah. I cannot stay angry with my dad for long- even with the car keys thing-...I'm very fond of him so whatevs lah.

Shit happens.

Rujing:

Crashing into a stasionary car while my car is stasionary as well? Haha! That would be epic.

You know....to tell you the truth whenever I write stuff I do not think that they're funny. It's just me telling a story but I'm glad that it turns out entertaing and that you ppl enjoy it. =)

Zikri:

Holy crap! The cops pulled you over? Haha! Then apa jadi?

Nerd-tastic said...

damn, that sucks dude.
This is why I like living where I am. Most places are easy to get to via bike, foot, or public transport. I'd be fucked if I tried to bike anywhere in Malaysia haha

Technodoll said...

Oh dear... that just sucks ass!

(hugs)

If it helps any... I bashed up a few (stationary) items too in my first driving years... uhhh... like a telephone poll... the front wing of a mercedes... gulp.

evie said...

Oh my heart! My heart cannot take it!

THAT plus the visual accompaniment - HAHAHAHAHA. I mean I'm sorry you got into trouble and that your keys were confiscated... but this has got to be the funniest story of the week!

Zikri said...

Kena warning, then they told my dad to take me to the parking lot at cheras stadium where i drove in circles for an hour or so. still haven't made my license though XD

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Nerd:

Yeah.....but I have no choice =( . I have to live here. And OMG, ppl who wants to bike around in Malaysia definitely have a death wish. It's fucking insane here.

Techno:

It sucks donkey balls! And uuuuhhh, dude, the front wing of a Mercedes? Oh man, that must not be pretty =S

Evie:

Well, glad you're enjoying yourself out of all these *diry looks* =p

Zikri:

Haha, ok lah. At least tak kena saman. When I was learning to drive, my mom took me to this abandon parking lot. Gila ah, siap langgar dinding lagi =P

Oh well, shit happens kan? When will you be getting your license?

Zikri said...

Dinding ninja ke? Hebat sial :P

I dunno, will try to get my L next month, maybe do my P sometime middle of next year

dpt lesen berjoli mcm org gila buat day trip gi penang :D

winda said...

dude, what's the dramatic companion to the picture and the line below it?! ninja car, that is!!!

precious line indeed :D

your father sounds like an ossum one. So, you took your father's side, eh ;)

and the key, how long do you think he will hold it? a month? two?

Frank said...

If it makes you feel better...I've backed into parked cars 3 or 4 times now. My back bumper is kind of a mangled mess.

Anonymous said...

All he needed to say was we all make mistakes and borrow my car while I take yours to get fixed.

To change the subject is it just that I'm male that I find YouTube's VenetianPrincess (Jodie Rivera) really talented or is she really talented?

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Zikri:

Now that I think about it....rasa nya dinding tu ninja kot... =p

Winda:

Yes, I do take after his side. He is dramatic that one, he just wont admit it =P .The key, not long lah. He's growing soft in his old age. Should get it back in a day or two now =)

Frank:

I guess, we're both crappy at backing out the car huh?

Anon:

But he can't just say that. He's dramatic. And a ninja. =D Plus, I can never fucking drive my parents car. They both drive luxury cars and the cars cost like maybe, 7x the cost of mine. I don't even wanna touch it. I can't bear getting my ass kicked if I messed up my parents car. My car is economical, so not so bad to trash it. If you get what I'm sayin.

That woman...I dunno. I cannot watch her videos, I am perpetually distracted by the amount of makeup on her face. Like holy crap man, it's a lot. I'm always like "Dude...how long does she take to put that on...and how long does it take to take it off?...And oh wow, what shade of pink is that? Would it go with my skin?"

So I dunno bout talent...but that is a whooole lot of makeup.

winda said...

in a day or two?!
growing soft indeed!!! lol