My list of possible lesbian lovers....

otherwise could be titled: If-ever-there-comes-a-time-when-I-am-no-longer-lusting-for-Clive Owen-and-have-no-desire-to-become-his-kept-woman-or-to-sire-his-illegitimate-children...I-would-totally-become-a-lesbian-and-do-these-chicks.

Also for all those of you who got a stick stuck up your asses, no I'm not a lesbian. Even if I am it's none of your problem and I'm speaking specifically to those individuals of excessive homophobia and overzealous religious beliefs. But as it is, this whole list is a joke. If you can't take a joke than I suggest you take that stick stuck up your asses and your dignified selves elsewhere. No one making you stay and read my blog at gun point now, are they?





So now I present to you the top ten women that the Constantly Dramatic One would totally go lesbo with. Durn durn duuuuuurrrrnnnn!



Number 10: Mariah Carey

I know a lot of you guys are going...."Dude, Mariah Carey? WTF?".

I know....I know. She is skanky and trashy. But you know, I think she's a hot kinda skanky and trashy. I put her down on my list of "Lesbian One Night Stand" cause no way in hell I wanna get into a domestic partnership with this woman. Bitch is crazy.




Number 9: Lucy Lui







Lucy has this really quiet kinda sexiness. She would not jump off the page as someone who is really sexy or in fact beautiful. But when she speaks and move, you just cannot take her eyes of her. It's the quiet confidence thing. I always think that out of the 3 Charlie's Angels- Cameron Diaz is the cute one, Drew Barrymore is the charming one and Lucy Liu is the slinky, uber sexy one.


Also if you have ever seen "Payback", you know that that part with Lucy in the dominatrix getup is pretty much hard to forget.

Number 8: Marlene Dietrich

Ahhhh Marlene, I know she's dead but her sensuality lives on for centuries to come. She exudes an aura of insatiable mystery every time she's on the screen. Maybe its the German accent, maybe its those famous legs of hers, or how the smoke from her cigarette always framed her face, or maybe because she was always so beautifully lighted in every movie she have ever been in therefore presented at her best like a fine work of art.....*le sigh*

Number 7: Amanda Bynes

Okay Amanda isn't exactly your typical babe. But she is funny ,talented and pretty. She seems to be working hard and keeping her personal life out of the spotlight....unlike some people *cough* Lindsay Lohan *cough*.




If I really am a lesbian, I'll ask her to marry me (same sex marriage is a go in California people) and then together we'll go to the sperm bank to get artificially inseminated and rear a beautiful family together. The kids can call her Mom and me Mama so that they won't be confused with having two mothers and all.






Number 6: Gabrielle Union


Have you watched "Bad Boys 2"? What about "Bring It On"? If you haven't than I suggest you do cause when you do, you'll know why she's on the list.





Number 5: Tina Fey


Intelligence is sexy and Tina Fey has loads of that.

Talented, funny, smart, pretty - Ms.Fey is the whole package. She seems like the type that would like to debate you on everything. Politics, philosophy, what's for dinner tonight- everything.


Which is good cause the relationship is always intellectually stimulated but then I guess most of the time I would need to tell her to shut the hell up and put on the strap-on.


Ahem.


Also those glasses are hot.


Number 4: Marilyn Monroe





Seriously. You guys have got to see this coming.





Number 3: Gong Li

This woman have just recently entered my list. I think she looked gorgeous in "Memoirs of a Geisha", if not a little bit of a psychopath. But still gorgeous. I really don't get why Zhang Ziyi was cast as the most beautiful geisha when it's clear that Gong Li look so much better than her.


Either way, Gong Li goes on my "Lesbian One Night Stand" list. She's hot but I bet she's scary as hell.






Number 2: Barbara Mori





Anyone familiar with those trashy Mexican telenovelas would know who Barbara Mori is. "Rubi" anyone? I think she is the most beautiful woman on Planet Earth. Screw Miss Universe, Barbara Mori is the real deal. I know that dress she's wearing is fug but it's one of the few pictures that she's actually covered up. This woman cannot keep her clothes on.



I loved her in "Rubi". She was just simply magnificent playing the title character. Such a manipulative, crazy, greedy, deceitful, evil bitch. So delicious in her evil doings. Also one of the highlights of the show is when she screams "Pokeno mi amore?!! Pokeno?!!!" And I'll be at home going "Si bastardo!! Pokeno?!!! Pokeno?!!"

Number 1: Cate Blanchett



I know........unexpected.


But Cate has a certain ethereal beauty to her. She wasn't cast as Galadriel for nothing. She's a chameleon, always delivering her best in her movie roles and managed to look stunning on the red carpet. She's intelligent, she's mysterious, she's pure class. And that's why she's my number one pick of lesbian lover.


One day...I might just abandon Clive for her....
Might: Key operative word there.


I am tagging Natalija with this. I know she'll love it.