High and low

For the past week I have been having crazy ass wild mood swing. Crazy ass.

For no reason whatsoever I will get piss off with random people. Some poor dude crossing the street would be the victim of my dagger filled hate stare. And he was doing nothing else but crossing the street. Than of course I'll be really happy and I would smile at complete random strangers. Those big huge smiles, ones you reserved for friends you haven't seen in 7 years. And let's not forget the paranoia. "Why is that chick staring at me?What the fuck, bitch? Do I owe you money?" when in truth she's just checking out the ad on the wall behind me. And now as I typed this, I'm depressed as hell.

Extreme highs and extreme lows.

Moments like these makes me wonder if I really am..... bipolar.

What's the appeal?

My parents have begun pressuring my sister and her husband to have babies. My parents apparently really, really want to become grandparents. I personally think this is icky. Its like every time they say; "Ooohh we want grandchildren." they're telling them to have more sex. Its wrong okay. Parents don't ask that of their children. Every time this topic is mention when we go out for dinner, I cringe.


Like "we want grandchildren" = "go have more sex that resulting in our firstborn to be impregnated". I am sure my parents are aware of the activity that involves making babies. How they would know about that, I really, really, reaaaaaaly do not want to know. But I am making an educated guess here that they do. So I mean, come on. Am I the only one seeing this?



The Constantly Dramatic One doesn't like children. In my opinion they are annoying little buggers with sticky finger that should always -at all times- be at least 20 feet away from me. Its not like that I hate children, although it might come off like that I just merely do not know how to deal with them. In order to interact with people, I use my charming personality and my witty observations on life. I cannot do this with children seeing that they have yet to develop the mental capacity. But once they do, I'm completely cool with them. Once my nieces and nephews (the children of my cousin, they're still my nieces and nephews right? Or are they my second cousins? Meh.) hit the 11 year old mark and quite capable or conversation, they no longer have to obey the 20-feet-away rule. They can come and roll with me.


Its the little ones. I don't get it when people, especially women, ooohs and ahhhs when they see little babies. I know some women who thinks all babies are cute, just because they're babies. I hate the burst your bubble hun, but some babies are just ugly. And annoying. Toddlers are annoying. Observe:



Oouuuuu I'm hungry. Feed me. *cries*
I'm so cute. Pat me. *cries*
Like everyone have to take care of me even though they have other things to do. *cries*
Oh I cannot eat properly and there's stains everywhere. *cries*





Annnnnnoooying. What is their appeal? Why do people like them? Some of them are cute. I agree. But from afar. Kids are only cute from afar. They are only cute when they don't have their sticky fingers all over my outfit. They are only cute when they are not tugging my hair. They are only cute when they obey the 20-feet rule. People that need constant attention and undivided adoration irritates the hell out of me. This is why I don't like children. Also I don't like dogs because of the same reason. Clingy.



After all this you'll be surprised to know that I do want to have a kid. One child. Only one. I'll use a surrogate mother so that I don't have to squeeze him/her out of my vagina. That shit hurts man. Also no breast feeding. The only one that have full access to my nipples is Clive, stuff the kid. I'll send him/her to a boarding school in Timbuktu.... or Bora Bora- depends on which one I can afford, which of course sufficiently keeps the kid's sticky fingers away from my hair. Then when the kid turns 13, he/she can come home and gets to know Mommy.


Its a plan.

Waiting

I wanna blog. I do. I want to talk about this bitch that pisses me off recently but my natural ability to bitch have been made redundant by knowing the fact that results is coming out on Friday. So yeah. No blogging.

I just wanna crawl into bed and die.

The list goes on.......

So it continues....

Number 5.

Gene Kelly


Yes, I know that he's dead. And no the Constantly Dramatic One isn't a necrophiliac. But dude was hot back in the day. If you are an avid classic musical fan, you would definitely at some point totally have the hots for either a) Fred Astaire or b) Gene Kelly. Fred was all about elegance and grace in his dance where else Gene on the other hand...well Gene was known for his innovative, athletic style of dancing. Which translates into: "Holy mother of god! That move he did was hot! Rewind. Pause. Still. Still.....Aahhhhh".

One of Gene most famous quote was "If Fred Astaire is the Cary Grant of dance, I'm the Marlon Brandon." Indeed he was right.

Age: 84 at the time of death.

Ass status: When he was young and alive, super tight. Man was a dancer people.

Number 4.

P. Ramlee

Another dead dude. Yes yes......I know. Messed up.

The thing with P.Ramlee was that he was and will always be legendary in the Malaysian film industry. During his lifetime he directed, written and starred in as many as about 40 films that till day are being enjoyed and admired by the masses. No works of any other Malaysian filmmaker can achieve the greatness that P.Ramlee had.

So maybe as an aspiring filmmaker, its not the man that I am attracted to. But the legacy that he left behind. His admirable body of works and the fact that till this P.Ramlee's name is spoken with admiration and fondness. Also you gotta admit, dude looked pretty fine in Nujum Pak Belalang (1959).

Age: 44 at the time of death.

Ass status: I don't really care to tell you the truth.

Number 3.

Charlie Cox

Ahhhhhh Charlie. I already had my eyes sat on him in Casanova but Stardust truly seal the deal. People, I totally watched Stardust 4 times. Once on my flight to Chicago and then 3 times in a row on my flight from Chicago back to Malaysia. It took a whole lot of self control not to just screamed "I love you Charlie!!!" and then dry hum the seat in front of me, where the screen was. Seriously.

Its his smile that gets me. Every time he smiles, I die a little inside.

Age: 26

Ass status: Its okay. I can deal.

Number 2.

Michael Fassbender

First saw him on the ill-fated British supernatural show; Hex. Fell deeply in lust. There's no one better to play the smokin hot, uber sexy demon Azazeal than Michael himself. Than of course when I spotted him in 300 running around in a loincloth alongside Gerard Butler....and that was it.

I had to watch 300, three times coz the first time I couldn't pay attention due to the hotness radiating from the screen, the second for the actual so-called plot and the third coz you know....300 men. Running around in loincloths. He played Stelios and this is his famous scene from the movie:



Age: 31

Ass status: Yummy.

Numbero Uno.

Yes. I know. You guys seen this miles away. Who didn't? Ahhhhh Clive Owen. Supreme Hotness, Smooth Operator, All-around Badass. The Constantly Dramatic One wants to do you. Desperately.



I would rip that suit off him. Seriously.

Maybe its the baritone voice. Maybe its the chin. Maybe its the fact that he is one of those men that doesn't have an ounce of feminine side. A bonafide caveman. A supremely hot caveman. Remember that scene in Closer, when he was talking dirty to Julia Roberts? Yeah, I dare you to find a hotter scene than that in any given mainstream movie. Clive Owen, too hot for words.




Age: 42
Ass Status: Pretty damn tight.

So there you go. That's my long awaited list. I'm tagging:

Peter

3kc

Natalija (No link coz her blog is by invitation only.)

Aini

Shit.

I'm sick. I can't speak. I lost my voice completely yesterday and today I can only whisper instead of actually speaking. I have flu. I'm running a fever. My head is spinning thanks to a huge headache. I'm generally feeling like shit. Than seeing where I've been, I checked the symptoms for HIV.


"Some people who contract HIV experience very strong symptoms, but others experience none at all. Those who do have symptoms generally experience fever, fatigue, and, often, rash. Other common symptoms can include headache, swollen lymph nodes, and sore throat. These symptoms can occur within days or weeks of the initial exposure to the virus during a period called primary or acute HIV infection." ***Taken from HIV Insite.com


I'm going for a HIV check up tomorrow. I'm scared.

A massage and an extra somthin somthin......

I might have been inside a brothel today.

I'm very disturbed.

I was driving around town today searching for some stuff when I realised that there were a whole lot of spas and massage places around my area. Those that cater to full body massage, sauna, body detoxifying, etc...basically things that are up my alley. These places were everywhere so I got sidetracked from my primary mission and instead went on a spa hunting mission. I was driving around around when I saw this huge banner spread out. It says:

TRADITIONAL FULL BODY MASSAGE RM50

Operation hours 9am - 11pm

Dude, I got super excited. The cheapest I have paid for a full body massage was RM92. Yes, stress on the word "cheap". Bullshit. So when I saw "RM50" I got super excited. I can get a full body massage twice a month now. I called the place up and a woman with a thick Chinese accent answered the phone. She told me to speak in Malay coz she can't understand English. Than she told me that they have more promotion and now its actually RM45 for a one hour full body massage. Fucking RM45 for a one hour body massage. That's 47 less compared to my "cheapest" massage. I got super excited and since I was parked in front of the building I asked her if I can come in now and get one done and she's like yeah of course.


The moment I walked in I knew something was off. First of I have been to a number of spas and massages places. They always have that relaxing theme going for them. Scented candles, running water, ginger tea the whole nine yards. This place have none of that. The only thing in the reception area was the receptionist desk. Other than that it was an empty room...and she was completely alone, until I come.


Then I was like "Hey before anything, could I see your massage area. I'm very particular about comfort....". She took me to a big hall. In the hall there were like these....little cubicles. Its not a cubicle. Its more like they hang curtain in between to make each "room". The "rooms" were all about 6x5...I think. There were thin mattresses spread out on the floor of each room. And they weren't clean. Have you ever pictured in your mind how illegal immigrants of 20 live in one tiny room. Yeah, that shit. And worst of all the place, the supposedly relaxing massage place - reeks of sweat, urine and other bodily fluids. Its dodgy as hell.


I told her that I change my mind, I forgot that I have a family thing I had to get ready for. By this time my hand was in my bag clutching my pepper spray, I was very nervous. I figured if there is any sudden movement I will pepper spray this bitch and make a run for it. But she only look irritated and she told me to come back anytime. They're open until 3 in the morning.

A massage place that's open until 3 in the morning.

Rigggghhhttt.......


Before I left I noticed that behind the reception table there was another room. I took a peek inside and it was a waiting room. A blue sofa with holes in it, a number of assorted mismatched chairs and men's magazine spread out on the coffee table.

Lets put two and two together:

1) Full body massage = RM45
2) Lacks of any deco. Merely the massage cubicles and nothing else.
3) Filthy.
4) Reeks of urine, sweat and I'm pretty sure....semen.
5) Men's magazine on the coffee table.
6) Open until 3 in the morning.

Holy crap dude, I think I have single handedly discovered an erotic massage parlour. And holy crap it pretty near to home. What the fuck kind of area do I live in?!! That place was so filthy. I could feel the STD in the air. I'm not kidding you. Maybe there were like syphilis molecules still in the air and when I went in it probably gets stuck on me. Great. Now I will fucking get syphilis without actually engaging in any promiscuous premarital sex activities. Fuck.


I bolted out of the place as soon as possible. I was practically running down the stairs. Shit man. I felt filthy. Than I noticed that there was a spa across the street. The proper type like you see in shopping malls. With glass for doors and their messues in clean uniforms. I was looking at the brochures (RM 82; full body, one hour) when I asked the ladies about the place that I have been too. Then I told them that I came from there and they look scandalized. I asked if anything...dodgy goes on there. "We never been in there, but their customers usually come at night when we are closing. Round 9.30ish. Mostly men.....they have lots of China girls working there." Note, China girls as in from Mainland China.

7) Costumers come late at night.
8) Male costumers.
9) Mainland China girls.

Shit man. Does an erotic massage parlour counts as a brothel? Its still a form of sex service right so that counts. Dear God in Heaven, I was in brothel. Shiiittt.....What should I do? Should I just forget about it? Should I file a report? But last time I've checked, in Malaysia's dumbass legal system erotic massage is not a crime.


Whatever it is, all I know is that I cannot shower enough to get the filth of that place out of me. Its in my pores. Its in my hair. Fucking shampooed my hair 3 times already. I probably need to shave my head bald to get it all out. And have a check up for STD. I probably have crabs now. More logical than syphilis.

Great, I have crabs and I'm not even getting laid.

Stop stealin' my name, bitch!

Dude, this is pissing me off.

So apparently my handle "Constant Drama" is not as original as I thought. If you type that in the search box, the first thing that comes out isn't Dramatic Musings my friend. Its this lame ass hip hop album called, you know it folks: Constant Drama.

Right. Awesome. There is an a compilation of hip hop beats all fitted into an album called Constant Drama. And people, it sucks donkey balls. It sucks so much I wanna cut myself while listening to the sample tracks coz it is that bad. And they're all by these hip hop artists that I have never heard of.

Who in the fucking blue hell is Mac Mall? What kind of a dumbass called himself Mac Mall? There's another dude that called himself Mac Dre......riiiiighhhht. Are you Dr.Dre's long lost retarded little cousin? And what the hell is "Mac"? Is it some street slang for "dumbass" that I do not know of? And oh, oh get this!! There's a hip hop group that also contributes to this piece of shit. They call themselves.......wait for it: the group No Name Yet.

I cannot make shit like this up.

Now lets assume there were three clowns in this impressive hip hop ensemble. Imagine the conversation that they might have had upon creating their out of the world, insanely cool group name.

Clown #1: Now that we have a group yo, we should totally name it, yo.

Clown #2: Yo, I'm down with that. Yo.

Clown #3: But what? What about ass clowns? Yo, I be down with that.

Clown #1: Ass Clowns is not ghetto yo. Something more bangin. What bout "Mo' pussy for the bangin". Picture it dogg, when they call us out on the stage they go all like "And here to perform their first track of their album "We are ass clowns" is "More pussy for the bangin!!!". Ain't that of the hook? Yo yo. Dogg.

Clown #2: Hell no!! I ain't down with that! What about "Doggs of the Hood". Coz we doggs and we're from the hood. See what I'm sayin......Yo.

At this point the White Manager walked in...

White Manager: Boys, come up with a name yet?

Clown #3: The group? Ain't no name yet.

Clown #1: Hold up, hold up, what cha' sayin?

Clown #3: Imma sayin, us group ain't no name yet.

Clown #1: That's it!! The group No Name Yet. That's our name!!! Ain't that the shhhiiit!! Hollerrr!!!

Clown #2: That's off the hook!!!!!! The group No Name yet! You got mad skillz dogg.

Clown #3: Word.
...........................................................................................................................

White Manager: Whatever you boys are on, I want some of that.

I mean honestly. I listen to hip hop. I do not discriminate against them. I know Dr. Dre is good. Eminem. Tupac. Hell, Chris Brown is good but this shit its crap. I am so pissed that my handle will forever be associated with a lame ass hip hop album. Seriously. Anyone of you have heard of them so called....."Macs"? I'm willing to bet on my right buttcheeck that none of you have. But worst of all, what pisses me off the most is the cover of the album.

Fug doesn't even begin to explain the cover art. "Oooouuu lets have a background that looks like flames or the close up of a praying mantis's head- depends on how you look at it and bigass font. That shit's gangsta." Suuuureeee.....

I am so traumatized by this. I'm thinking of dropping my handle "Constant Drama" and go with "The Constantly Dramatic One" all the way. At least that's all mine and I no longer have to be associated with this ridiculously lousy hip hop album with the fugly cover art.

Thoughts?

A (partial) list of hot men as according to the Constantly Dramatic One...

I have been tagged by Gypsy, who y'all should know by now is the Constantly Dramatic One's bestfriend all the way from the schooling years. And woman have to tag me with what I am declaring as the most DIFFICULT tag imaginable in the history of the blogsphere. Seriously. I'm supposed to list down the 10 hottest men as according to me. Its kinda tough when I have like 50 dudes all over the place.....Took me ages to come down with the top ten.

It was painful having to leave some out. Gut wrenching, heart breaking....... but it has too be done to honour the tag. Also I honestly have nothing else to do...actually I have to clean my room but fuck that shit. So I present to you:

A (partial) list of hot men as according to the Constantly Dramatic One!!

Number 10.

Iker Casillas of Real Madrid.

The first time I saw super hottie Iker Casillas was on the massive screen in the stadium. The year was 2002 and my family and I was in Suwon, South Korea - Fifa World Cup 2002 bitches. Ireland VS Spain game of which Spain totally pwned Ireland in the knockout stage.

Have you heard of the saying "Football is a beautiful game"? Yeah....looking at Iker I completely understand why they say that.

Age: 27
Ass status: Super tight. I mean c'mon, he is an athlete.
Super Hot YouTube video: *click*

Number 9.

Sean Bean

Ahhhhh....... Sean Bean. You might not be familiar with this British badass coz he isn't all that famous. Mostly plays the second fiddle to the leading man or the sophisticated villain. Last seen with Nicholas Cage in National Treasure. And oh yeah, he was also Boromir in Lord of the Rings. He was the star of his own TV series, Sharpe (1993-2006) in which he struts around in a period military uniform and makes all the panties drop.

For me....its not really the face, its more like the voice. Dude have the manliest voice I have ever heard. I have a couple of his movies on DVD and I just let it play to hear his voice. Sexiest voice evvveeeeeeerrr. I could burst a blood vessel just listening to his voice.

Age: 50 (Kinda creepy coz he's uuhh....as old as my mom.....I think I should seek psychiatrist help one of these days....)

Ass status: Not tight but he's old so.......

Super hot youTube video:*click*

Number 8.

Keegan Micheal Key

Basically a new discovery. I have been obsessively watching MADtv videos on youTube which also explains the lack of updates. Keegan Michael Key is one of the funniest and talented cast member of the current MADtv cast and he always cracks me up. A man with a sense of humour is indeed a sexy man.

Age: 36
Ass status: Its okay......
Super hot youTube video: None, but there are some really funny ones. And my favourite is this one where he is pretending to be a fake African. Its hilarious. Check it out!

Number 7.

Juanes

First and foremost Juanes is a musician, a very talented musician. His uber hotness comes from his unmistakable passion for music. You can feel that passion in every song that he sings. And I say that from a view point of someone who speaks no word of Spanish. When you don't understand the language, you enjoy the beats, the flow but most of all what attracts me to any kind of music is the passion conveyed by the singer. And Juanes have truckloads of that.


Passionate, talented and I did mention he's a rock star right?

Age: 35
Ass status: Very niiiiiceeeee....

Super hot youTube video: A whole lot but this is the link to my favourite song of his; A Dios Le Pido

Number 6.

Ralph Fiennes

Most people pronounces his name as well, "Ral-ph Fien-nes" but in actually you pronounce it as "Rafe Fine" and indeed he is ffffiiiiiinnnneeeeee. Suave and sensual are the words to describe Mr.Fiiiinnnee. And oh yeah, that's also that little thing about him. You know that little thing of looking smoking hot in a uniforms. Schindler's List anyone?


I want to lock him up in my closet and make him my play thing.

Now you know.



Age: 45
Ass status: Dunno. Too fixated with his eyes.
Super hot youTube video: *click*

And we're done with the first part. Stay tuned with the second part and yes Clive Owen is in there somewhere. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.

To be continued............

Cussing? Moi?

Got this from Tine's blog

Created by OnePlusYou

Apparently "Around 38.3% of the pages on your website contain cussing.This is 326% MORE than other websites who took this test." Well, no shit Sherlock.

I am sooo proud of myself. I shall pat myself on the back. If my mom knows about this, I'm afraid she wont share the same sentiments....

Go ahead. Try it. Lemme know your blog cussing level. I bet no one could beat the Constantly Dramatic One though........

Awkward. Very awkward.

This is.......... awkward.

The first one is just a random fluke. But a second one? Duuuuuudddeeeeeeee.

I know its normal. People gets it all the time. I mean it happens even more when you are repressed. But twice? Its wrong.

I'm talking bout uuuhhhh..........sex dreams. I mean its all fine and dandy when the man in question is Clive Owen. Who looks like this:

But when the man in question is not a man but more of a man-child, who is years younger than you, who can be your younger brother....but thank God at least not a minor.....looks like this:

Yeah, it takes wrong to a whole new level. What the fuck am I doing sexing up a nerd in my sleep??!!! Talk about sexually repressed. And worst of that kid is someone I know.

I feel dirty all over. And guilty. Like I'm a nerd rapist.

A paedophile nerd rapist.

27 donkey balls

27 Dresses sucks donkey balls. There I say it. Definite spoiler ahead, please don't read if you think of wasting your time on this movie sometime in the future. Let the bitching commence!

So there's a chick. Her name is Jane. She really likes weddings. Weddings is her "calling". She says that in the beginning of the movie just because of something that happened when she was 8 years old. A cousin who happens to be a bride ripped her dress and she helped the bride fixed it hence she found her calling as bridesmaid. She even likened herself to the likes of Picasso, Mozart and all the other musical greats.

Bitch please. You just sew the dress back on with a ribbon.

And who finds her calling as bridesmaid? Honestly. If you like weddings so much than become a wedding planner since through the movie all she does is plans the wedding for the brides. She does all the planning -without payment and out of the kindness of her heart- all 27 weddings. Doormat much?

You know which part of the movie is the moment that I realized that I just wasted 1 1/2 hours of my life? When she, Jane attended two weddings a night. As the bridesmaid. Oh of course there's nothing wrong with that but guess what it was Christian wedding and an Indian wedding in a night. So she struck the deal with the cab driver $300 if he would just cater her up and down from both weddings. She will cut 20bucks each time he looks behind as she is changing.

So this woman, took off her dress and go stark naked in the back of a cab and trusted that the cab driver to not look. She also changed from a dress into a sari in the back of the cab.

Changed into a sari. At the back of a cab.

Yeah right. Please I know there is such a thing as suspension of disbelief. I give you that. But changing into a sari at the back of a cab is just pushing it. First of have you ever worn a sari? I haven't but I seen people do. And trust me, its a bitch. It requires at least 2 people to tie it properly for you and it also requires the person in the sari to be standing up. So how that woman managed to change into a sari at the back of the cab and come off looking pristine is beyond me. And who the fuck goes naked at the back of a cab?

Pssssss babes, You're wearing the sari backwards.

Lets examine this. A man is driving the cab. A man that is a complete stranger. And then you come in and stripped at the back of the cab. Excuse me! Are you insane?!! Do you wanna get raped? Weren't this shot in New York? Like which crazy bitch stripped at the back of a cab and thinks its all fine and dandy? Stupid bitch, he could have drove you anywhere and then call his buddies up and the next day you will be in front of the paper "Stupid bitch gang raped by cab drivers. Body found in a torn sari by the Manhattan river".

And oh get this, Katherine Heigl who looks like this:

Plays the dumpy sister. Now lets just scroll back up to the picture above and think about that again.......

You can of course say "CD, she's just acting. That's what she do. She's an actress." Now, see... I know that. I am after all a student of the mass communication lore. That is of course speaking logically. But fuck that shit. If she is the dumpy sister, than WHAT THE HELL AM I?!! Have you seen my sister? Have you seen me? Oh woe self esteem, where have you gone too? Fucking Hollywood. Giving me inferior complex.

Fuck you Hollywood!! Fuck you!

Screw this. I'm not eating till next Thursday.

Freeeeedddddom!!!!!!

Finals are done!!!

Holidays are here!!!!!!

Fuck yeah! Fuck yeah!