My haters ain't got no balls

Sometimes there are unexplainable things that go on in the universe that we cannot even begin to explain. Such occurrence such as the Milky Way is still a mystery to the scientists over in NASA. The Bermuda Triangle still evoke the hibbie jibbies in the hearts of all the sailors of the world. The fact that some women still find Tom Cruise hot is a perpetual source of confusion that keeps me up at night, wondering why oh why would they think he's hot when that dude is clearly insane......and sad.







But such is the universe. Who are we mere mortals to question it? But question it I do however.





I question it when I wake up this morning as I brush my teeth while staring at myself in the mirror, I realise something that is ridiculously perplexing to me. The fact that my life is going well right now. The fact that I am happy. The fact that I ain't got no drama.








What. The. Fuck.





The Constantly Dramatic One with no drama? With none at all? WTF? WTF? How does it come to this? How come I let myself be contented with life? Why did I not watch any movies that pisses me off? Why is no one up all over my face making trouble? Why do I not come across ridiculous articles online that get me all riled up? But most of aaaaallll, where the fuck are all my haters? Why have they got no balls that a little reproach would scare them away? It's disappointing that one teeny post with subtle sarcasm and a little disclaimers in the comment box would drive them away. Don't they know that I need them for the drama? Why do they not leave me anymore hate filled comments? Where are they in my time of need?!!!



You know there's a particular hater of mine that have grown near and dear to my heart. I adore her, I sayang her. Not only that I think she is a loathsome, no-confidence, self-hating, consumed with jealousy over the fact that she's not as ossum as I am, or that she does not have an ass like mine, and overall, a 2 cent hooker that even the most desperate sailor that have been stranded at the sea for 7 years wont go near with a 49-feet-pole cause she is just that fug and....... smells, but I admire her. Cause she can spell well. Most of my haters can't spell for shit but this one at least got 6th grade under her belt and can use the online dictionary properly. I'm very proud of her.



But lately she hasn't left me any hate filled comments. And this makes the Constantly Dramatic One a very sad girl. It makes me feel not ossum. Have you stopped being jealous of me sayang? Why are you not leaving me anymore hate comments? I know you still read my blog cause you're addicted to my ossumness........ also I tracked your IP address down. Amazing what technology can do for you. Don't you not want to be me anymore? But I'm ossum. Everyone wanna be ossum..............................



I'm sure most of you dunno what I'm talking about. So let me copy and paste what my favourite hater left me over the months:

1)
Anonymous said...

Maybe they're just giving you some encouragement. For someone obese, dressed in 10 sizes smaller, of course you are screaming for ATTENTION. They just bagi muka la so you tak tersinggung. Jangan la marah sangat. You should be happy sayang.

Translation for the brown part:

They're just making sure that you are not slighted. Don't be so angry. You should be happy love. ("Sayang" means love or dear, according to the context. Let's assume its "love" in this context.)

This is taken from this post.

2)
Anonymous said...

Just lose weight and stop commenting on other people. They are much better looking than you and are much slimmer and have better bodies than you. So please don't try to make up for your hideous and fat self by condemning these chicks.

p/s: Sayang, i hope fasting has helped you lose a few pounds. Though it seems impossible...but my prayers are with you. Tak baik tau mengata orang masa ramadhan.Muacks

Translation: It's not nice talking shit bout other people during Ramadhan. Muacks.

Taken from here.

3)
Anonymous said...

Fat bitch, i dunno what's riding up your ass....but seriously, you have a huge problem. Not only are you like obese, you are condemning other ppl. It's ramadhan bitch. Kesian your mom. Her butt hole was torn so badly when she purged you out coz you are such a fat shitty bitch

Translation: Pity your mom.

Taken from here.

And then of course I wrote this post in which I was subtly sarcastic. Cause I'm classy like that. But after that my sayang disappeared. Like poof. Well she didn't disappear all together. She still reads my blog. Ahhh...the infinite joy of IP tracking. I'm just like a drug you can't quit right....sayang? I know, I have the same effect on Clive Owen too. But sayang, why didn't you leave me any more hate comments? Did you get scared sayang? You are my ultimate source of amusement and with every comments that you leave behind you stroke my ego for being far more superior than you. And I appreciate that. I like being superior. So please won't you come back?

You can even insult my golden hamster, Ghendut. I don't mind. And oh sayang, even though I come across really bitchy and like someone who is good with confrontations in this blog, I want you to know that it is not the way so in real life. I am not bitchy or good with confrontations in real life. Really.


I'm better.


And thank you sayang for giving me the hint in that first comment you left. I knew you went to the same college as I do and now.........recently, I found out who you are. I'm looking forward to meeting you in real life. I thrive in confrontations, I hope you do too. It'll make our upcoming meeting even more interesting than our online relationship already is.

Miss you sayang, and looking forward to seeing you.
Muacks!